Memories of Yesterday
by EverShadow
Summary: Once love is lost, can it be regained? For Santana, this is a question she must ask herself as she learns how to fall in love with Brittany a second time.
1. Til Death Do We Part

Memories of Yesterday

Old photo albums laid scattered across the table. They were of a wedding, a beautiful end-of-summer white wedding. Smiling faces were everywhere and it literally looked like the happy couple was glowing.

Santana had a mug of coffee in her hand as she looked at the memories. Her eyes were red from lack of sleep and her hair was a mess. She skimmed the pages with one hand and sipped the burning hot liquid with the other, hissing when it scalded her tongue. She looked down at the reception photos where she and Brittany were dancing together, completely oblivious to the outside world. Her eyes began to water again. The door opened and a slender blond figure entered the apartment. She quietly set the keys down. For a moment, Santana looked up with hopeful eyes but that hope was quickly crushed.

"You're just like I left you." Quinn commented.

"I couldn't sleep." Santana sighed, closing the book and setting down her mug of coffee. With both hands, she ran her fingers through her thick hair, trying to smooth it out a little. When it didn't work, she simply sighed and slouched forward.

"Have you been taking those pills like the doctor told you?" Quinn went over to the fridge and opened it up, getting orange juice and pouring it into a glass. She walked over to the couch and sat down next to Santana, handing her the glass. Her eyes scanned the table of photo albums.

"They give me dreams." Santana replied. "I can't...I can't sleep like that. I can't sleep without seeing her face underwater." Quinn put an arm around her. Santana closed her eyes.

"You've got to sleep, Santana. There's nothing you can do." Santana put the untouched orange juice down right next to her coffee and her chest heaved with a cough. "San, are you getting sick?"

"No, I'm fine." Santana replied, taking up the juice and taking a large gulp as if the vitamin C would ward off any cold she might be catching.

"San...it's been..."

"33 days, Quinn." Santana cut her off. "I've been waiting 33 days. I can't do this anymore." She sighed. "I miss her."

"I know, babe." Quinn said, pulling her close.

Brittany had disappeared a little over a month ago. She and Santana had a fight that night. They hadn't fought like that since they first met each other at age 7. Now, 22 years later, Santana was practically screaming at Brittany. Santana accused her of flirting with her fellow dance instructor at the studio. Brittany admitted that there was some sexual tension between them but it was only one sided. She swore up and down that she would never, ever love anyone else but Santana hated the looks that David gave her, or the way his touch lingered when they danced together. She knew he hated her, she could see that every time Brittany ran over to give Santana a hug. He would always be glaring at the brunette and it wasn't hard to see his jealousy.

But Brittany didn't see it and that's why Santana blew up at her. Brittany didn't understand that sometimes what she did could be misconstrued as flirting. She didn't mean it, but it didn't make things any better for Santana. So when Santana and Brittany got into a fight because Santana wanted Brittany to report him for inappropriate behavior, Brittany wasn't going to stand for it.

"I'm going to Tina's." She said. Santana took a look outside at the howling wind.

"It's fucking dangerous out there!" She yelled.

"It's dangerous in here too." Brittany said coldly and walked out the door. Santana waited for her. She didn't sleep that night. She thought about calling Tina but the storm had managed to knock out any and all service, either cellphone or land line. In the morning, she called Tina to see if Brittany was ready to come home.

"She didn't come here." Tina replied and a sinking feeling filled Santana's chest.

The police found Brittany's car at the bottom of a river half a football field wide. They didn't find a body and the glass was shattered on one side. Still, with the hurricane the previous day, it would've been too hard to swim to shore and the current could've carried her body down for miles. For days they combed the river but to no avail.

When Santana first heard the news, she was convinced that Brittany was going to come home that night, soaked to the bone but otherwise safe. After the first week past, she thought to herself that Brittany was simply lost, or punishing her for the fight. But that week soon passed into more and Santana kept hearing things like "We're doing our best to locate the body" and "we'll contact you if we find anything at all." Santana fell into despair, not knowing if Brittany was alive or dead. Everytime the phone rang, Santana jumped. It got so stressful that Quinn made Santana move into her apartment while Quinn stayed at Santana's in case there was any news. Santana went back to work the fourth week and began operating somewhat normally. But when she came home to her apartment, she'd brew tea and see Brittany's mug, the one that had flowers around her name, or Brittany's toothbrush sitting in her cup, or the book she began that now lay on the nightstand unmoved. These all served as reminders that Santana was missing someone in her life.

It was raining like the night Brittany vanished and Santana curled into a ball at the memory. She hated rain. She let Quinn comfort her while they listened to the rain beating against the roof.

"Do you think she's gone?" Santana asked.

"I don't know." Quinn replied. The phone to Santana's apartment rang and Quinn stood up. "I'll get it." She moved behind the wall separating the kitchen and the living room. Santana gazed at the pictures splayed out in front of her. The ring on her finger weighted more than it should've. She took it and twirled it in place. She wished every day that she hadn't fought with Brittany.

Quinn hung up the phone and slowly inched back into the room. She leaned against the wall next to the couch and stared at the ground with a troubled expression.

"What's wrong?" Santana asked, sitting up straight. Quinn bit her lip. "Quinn?"

"They found her." Quinn said. Santana dropped the glass of orange juice and the glass shattered all over the floor.

"Wh-what?" She stammered.

"They found her." Quinn repeated. "Brittany." Santana's head spun and she put a hand on her chest to steady her breathing. She stared directly at Quinn.

"Is she...?"

"We need to go verify that it really is her." Santana held her breath. "She's alive."

* * *

Quinn broke the speed limit as they drove to a town a few hours away. Brittany must've drifted a long way before someone found her lying face down in the mud. They arrived at the hospital and Santana felt her heart pound against her chest.

"We're here for patient 26." Quinn said to the woman at the front desk. The woman the police suspected to be Brittany wasn't carrying any identification on her. Her purse was in the car so they simply referred to her as patient 26. The woman nodded and presented them with a sign in book which they both signed. Together, they proceeded to room 19 at the end of the hallway. They stood outside for a moment while Santana stared at the number. Quinn had her hand on the doorknob and she glanced back at her.

"Are you ok?" Quinn asked.

"What if it's not her?" Santana asked. "She's been here for...how long? What if..." Quinn put a hand on her shoulder.

"It'll be ok." She quietly opened the door.

The room was dark and the curtains were drawn. Rain pounded against the window and apart from the light streaming in through the door way, the only thing they could see clearly were the blinking lights on the monitors. Santana took a step in and looked at the figure on the bed. The curtain around her was drawn half closed so she could only see the lower half of the woman's body. She took another step closer and could see her arms. One more step and she could see her face.

Santana brought a hand to her mouth as a sob shook her whole body. She fell to her knees and tears streamed down her face. Quinn rushed over to her side and Santana closed her eyes, her hand muffling the sounds coming from her mouth. The blond looked up at the body in the bed.

"Oh god, Quinn, it's her." Relief flooded Santana's mind. Brittany lay in the hospital bed, slumbering soundly.

* * *

Santana sat by Brittany's side, taking in everything about her. The blond had gotten thin and her eyes had dark circles under them. Her skin was even paler than before, almost unhealthily so. None of it mattered to Santana. She sighed contently and watched Brittany sleep, breathing in that soft, fluttery way that Santana remembered. Questions floated into her mind, why didn't she contact Santana? Was anything permanently damaged? More importantly, when could she come home?

The door opened again and a nurse walked in with a tray that had two small cups perched on top. She set it down by Brittany's bedside, saying a quick hello to Santana.

"Miss? Miss, it's time for your pills." Santana's pulse quickened as Brittany stirred. The blond opened her eyes sleepily and yawned.

"Already? How long was I sleeping?" The nurse smiled at her and nodded to Santana.

"You have a guest." Brittany rotated her head and their eyes met. Santana saw something strange and frightening glimmer in those familiar blue eyes but she couldn't think of what it was.

* * *

Quinn left the room earlier to find the doctor in charge of Brittany's case. She finally got a hold of him and, with Santana's permission since Santana was legally her wife, sat down to hear Brittany's diagnosis. He was an Indian gentleman in his late 40's. His disposition was gentle and patient and he gladly welcomed Quinn into his office.

"So you're here about patient 26? Well that's certainly a relief. Someone brought her in a few weeks ago."

"How is she?" Quinn asked.

"Well, she's sustained major head injuries and the lack of oxygen due to her being in the river affected her as well. It's amazing she didn't drown."

"So what's wrong with her?"

"Physically? Nothing. She's perfectly healthy and I'm glad to say that she's the most fit person I've seen in a while. Mentally? There are a few problems." He took off his glasses and Quinn braced herself. "She's suffering from what we call retrograde amnesia. In most cases, it's mild, the past few hours leading up to the injury are forgotten."

"She's not one of those cases is she?" Quinn asked, her blood running cold.

"I'm not saying it's permanent." The doctor quickly added. "But...she has absolutely no recollection of the past."

* * *

Brittany looked at Santana with a smile. Santana's heart strained for her and she leaned closer.

"Hi." She said quietly. Brittany stuck out her hand.

"Hi! Nice to meet you, what's your name?" Santana suddenly realized what the look was in those blue eyes. Her heart plummeted into a dark abyss when she realized that Brittany did not recognize her at all.

* * *

Author's note: So this is a semi-sequel to "Old, New, Borrowed, Blue" but it is, by itself, a stand alone fanfic. You don't need to read that one to understand what's going on here at all. But reading that one (and any of my other ones!) is much appreciated!


	2. In Sickness and In Health

Chapter 2: In Sickness and In Health

"Hi! Nice to meet you, what's your name?" Brittany flashed her a grin; the grin she usually flashed to strangers. Santana suddenly felt sick. She excused herself and bolted out of the room. Just as she opened the door, she almost crashed headfirst into Quinn who was just rushing back after hearing the news from Brittany's doctor. One look at Santana's face and Quinn knew Santana had found out.

"I'm so sorry." Quinn whispered. Santana pushed her aside and flung herself into the hallways, desperate to get away from the room. Quinn followed and put her hand on Santana's back as she sank to the floor. The crying started out small but soon progressed enough that Quinn felt herself shaking as she clung onto Santana. Nurses regarded her sadly, asking if she needed anything but Quinn waved them away. When Santana's sobs grew more manageable, Quinn helped her into a chair.

"She...she doesn't remember me." Santana said hollowly.

"The doctor says it might not be permanent." Quinn offered.

"I know her. She's Brittany. She's my wife. I will always love her. But when she looked at me, I was just a stranger."

"You need to tell her who you are." Quinn said.

"What's the point?" Santana asked. "She doesn't remember me. She...she..." Santana closed her eyes and her breathing quickened as she tried to force the words out. "She doesn't love me."

"She loves you, Santana, she just doesn't remember it. She's still your wife, nothing changes that." Santana hung her head, not responding. Quinn continued rubbing her back, trying to comfort her. She too was stunned by the revelation. After a while, when Santana had returned to normal breathing, Quinn asked,

"So what are you going to do?" Santana's shoulders barely moved when she shrugged. All of the energy had dissipated from her body.

"She's my wife." She replied. "I'm going to take her home."

"Are you going to tell her right away or are you going to wait? The doctor said that introducing the patient to new relationships needs to happen gradually."

"I'm not going to tell her we're married." Santana replied.

"Well, that's one..." Quinn stopped in mid-sentence. Her head whipped towards Santana, making her neck crack with the speed. "Excuse me?"

"I'm going to take her home. I dunno, I'll tell her we're roommates or something." Santana said.

"You're joking." Quinn said, laughing a little but it was a dead laugh because she knew that tone of voice. "You're going to take her home and do what? Pretend she's not your wife? The love of your life?" She demanded. Santana shook her head.

"What do you want me to do? Tell her that we're married and have her try to remember what it's like to love me? Do you want me to kiss her like nothing is wrong? I don't want that, Q, I don't want to force her to love me."

"You're not forcing to her to do anything!" Quinn's volume rose. "You're making her remember who the hell she is!"

"And what if she doesn't, huh? What if this is permanent?" Santana yelled. "I don't want her to pretend to love me. I'd rather her not love me than pretend." Santana closed her eyes. She imagined what would happen if she told Brittany. "Can you picture it, Quinn? Because I can. I see Brittany forcing herself to kiss me on the cheek or whispering a strained 'I love you'. I can see mornings every day. I wake up and there she is, staring right at me, trying to recollect memories of this...this stranger sleeping next to her." She opened her eyes and tears fell.

"You're stupid." Quinn hissed.

"Then you tell me how it works. How do you describe twenty-two years of life together to someone whose memory begins a few weeks ago at most? How do you make someone feel a lifetime of love with just the words, 'we're married' or 'we were in love'?" Santana asked. Quinn didn't reply. She didn't know the answer to Santana's question and she began to see why Santana wanted to keep it a secret. Telling Brittany would put a certain pressure on her to act like nothing was wrong. It would be nothing more than a one-sided love. If Brittany never recovered her memory, she might have to fake her feelings for Santana for the rest of her life. They could only wait for her to remember. Her heart broke, knowing that even though Santana had her wife back, she didn't really. All she had was the physical part and none of the relationship they spent more than two decades building.

"So what's the plan?" Quinn asked.

"Like I said, I take her home." Santana replied. "We don't mention the marriage. If she regains her memory, then she does." _Through sickness and health._ Santana thought. "If she...if she doesn't then she can live her life without worry." Quinn took Santana's hand and squeezed it. Santana leaned her head against Quinn's shoulder for a moment.

"Are you going to be ok?" It was a stupid question but it came to her lips automatically. Santana sighed and stood up.

"No, but I have to be." She said. Quinn nodded and they walked back to the room. Just as they were about to enter, Santana stopped.

"Wait." She pulled off their wedding ring and looked at it for a moment. It was stupid, like Quinn said, but Santana couldn't think of any other way. She gripped the ring tightly, making a silent wish on the physical proof of their promise to be together forever that Brittany would remember it. She dropped it into her pocket and nodded to Quinn. Quinn opened the door and the two walked in.

Brittany was sitting up reading a magazine when they saw her. It almost made Santana run out again but Quinn's grip on her hand kept her there.

"Hi! You're the visitor from earlier!" Brittany smiled. Santana made herself do the same even though all she wanted to do was cry. "And you're new! What's your name?"

"You don't remember us, do you?" Quinn asked. Brittany hung her head.

"The doctor said I have memory loss. So I probably know you but I don't remember, right?" She asked sorrowfully. Santana fought back a sob, or maybe a painful laugh and it came out more of a hiccup.

"How about your name? Do you remember your name?"

"Well...I think it's Brittany. Don't remember my last name though. And the doctor says that my memory's not reliable enough." She replied.

"Well, good news is, you're right. Your name is Brittany." Quinn said, faking cheerfulness. "We're...we're your friends." At that, Brittany brightened.

"I figured as much! I was hoping my friends would come pick me up." She said.

"We need to go." Santana whispered so that only Quinn could hear. "I can't do this." But her best friend held her ground.

"I'm Quinn. We've been friends for a very long time." Brittany's smile dimmed a little.

"I'm sorry I don't remember much." She admitted.

"It's ok, we're here to help. You're...you're coming home with us."

"Really?" Brittany asked excitedly. "When? Where?"

"As soon as you get the clear to go." Quinn replied.

"Where do I live?"

"With me." Santana croaked. The two turned to face her. "We're..." The words were harder to say than Santana had ever thought possible. "We're roommates." Just saying it made her feel sick to her stomach. All of her wanted to scream for Brittany to snap out of it, to remember who Santana was, to remember that they were madly in love and married but the words died in her throat. Brittany's eyes shone.

"What's your name?" She asked. It took everything Santana had not to break down right there.

"Santana." She replied. Brittany stuck out her hand.

"Hi!" She said. Santana made herself grasp Brittany's hand. It was the same hand she'd held for years and now it was extended as if they'd never touched before. But to Santana, it was still the soft, warm grasp that she knew. She hoped that Brittany would remember as well, that maybe just this small bit of contact would jog her memory but nothing changed in the blond's expression.

"It's good to meet you again. I'll try my hardest to remember you." She promised. Santana glanced down at Brittany's left hand. The ring was missing and Santana thought sadly that it probably fell off in the river. She turned around and Quinn saw the unshed tears in her eyes.

"Well, we need to head back." Quinn said. Brittany pouted.

"Already? You just got here! I have lots of questions!"

"We'll be back tomorrow, promise." Quinn said. "And we'll answer all your questions then. This is a lot for us to process too." She looked through her purse and took out a pen. She wrote on a receipt she found in her bag. "This is my phone number and Santana's phone number as well. Please call us if you need anything." Brittany took the paper from Quinn's hand and studied it. The two turned to leave.

"Santana?" Brittany said. Santana turned around, thinking that by some miracle, Brittany's memory had returned. But when she met her eyes, she saw no further signs of recognition.

"Thanks." The blond continued. "For being the first person to visit me." Santana nodded, feeling a lump in her throat and she quickly exited the room.

The drive home was painfully quiet for Quinn. Apart from the rain, the only thing she could hear were Santana's muffled sobs in the passenger's seat. It took a will of steel for Quinn not to cry along with her.

"Why can't she remember me?" Santana whispered to herself over and over again. When Quinn reached Santana's building, she made some hot milk with honey and brought it to Santana who lay curled up in bed. Quinn forced Santana to drink it along with one of the prescribed sleeping pills.

"I'll be right here." Quinn reassured her. Santana soon fell asleep and Quinn sat next to her, sadly watching the brunette's features twist in her sleep. She finally nodded off herself, thinking of what it must be like to forget the most important person in the world and she wondered who had it worse.

* * *

Santana woke up early in the morning and turned around. When she saw blond hair, her first instinct was that it had all been a bad dream but when her eyes cleared a little more, she saw that it wasn't her wife sleeping next to her. She rolled out of bed, rubbing her swollen eyes. She stumbled over to the mirror and looked at herself. Her eyes were bloodshot and her hair was a mess of tangles. She eyed the two toothbrushes sitting near the sink and the previous day's events settled into her mind.

She wandered into the kitchen in a daze, pausing to glance at all the pictures of her and Brittany hung up in frames in the living room. She initially wanted to get cereal even though she had no appetite but she opened the cupboard, she saw the handle of vodka resting two shelves above the cheerios. She decided that alcohol was a better breakfast for that morning. She grabbed the bottle and unscrewed it, taking a giant swig from it. She went over to the wall and plucked a picture of their wedding day, with Santana carrying Brittany in her arms bridal style, and flopped down on the couch, drinking more of the vodka. She looked at it for a long time, long enough for the alcohol to hit her system. It didn't take much, given how much she was drinking and how little she had eaten in the past 24 hours. Her eyes blurred with more tears and she felt a certain resentment towards the two people in the picture. Then, with a force only alcohol could provide, she flung the picture as hard as she could against the wall where the frame and glass shattered brilliantly.

Quinn woke up to hear crashing noises and she sat up with a start. At first she wondered if there was construction going on nearby but after a few more sounds of glass shattering, she determined that it came from the living room.

"Santana?" She shouted, feeling dread well up inside. She jumped out of bed and dashed outside. The sight that greeted her made every cell in her body freeze.

Glass lay everywhere, books were scattered. She looked down at her feet and saw the marriage certificate that previously hung on the wall above the couch lying there on the floor. The frame was cracked and the glass in several pieces everywhere.

Pictures of the two lay all over the room and in the middle of all of it sat Santana. In one hand she held a bottle her other hand was bleeding profusely. It looked like something out of a horror film.

Quinn took less than a second to take it all in and with a maturity that preceded her years, she deftly navigated the war zone over to Santana.

"Santana, give me the bottle."

"I'm cleaning." Santana slurred.

"Give me the bottle." Quinn said firmly. Without waiting for an answer, Quinn reached out and snatched it from her hands. Santana slumped forward. "Santana, get up, take a shower. You have 15 minutes, any longer and I'm coming to get you. I want you to take a shower, wash that cut with soap and get back here." Wordlessly, Santana stood up, walked to the bathroom and Quinn heard the water start running. She stood up and got a broom from the closet and began sweeping up the mess. She picked up the marriage certificate and pictures and set them on the coffee table. The shower shut off and Santana stumbled into the living room where she collapsed on the couch. Quinn took a seat next to her.

"What were you doing?" Quinn asked, checking Santana's arm. The cut wasn't too deep and it looked worse than it was. Still, she began bandaging it with some gauze she located in the kitchen.

"Packing up our life." Santana answered. Quinn breathed in deeply.

"Flinging things across the room is not packing." She pointed out. Santana rested her head in her hands.

"I wanted to put everything about our marriage in a box. Fuck, Q, that's two years of our life I'm packing away."

"Why are you doing this?" Quinn asked. "Why are you going through all of this trouble to hide something important to you? To her?"

"I guess I want to see if she'll still love me." Santana replied. "I can tell her facts, Quinn. I can tell her what her birthday is, who she knew, where she grew up. But I can't make her feeling things. If I tell her we're married, I will be placing the obligation to love me. And god, Q, I can't do that."

"How the hell are you going to hide something that big?" Quinn asked. "Everyone who knows you knows you're married!"

"I know, I know it's stupid. And I know it probably won't work. I plan to tell her eventually. But I want her to figure out for herself what she wants from me."

"What happens if..."

"If she doesn't love me anymore? If her memory never returns and she realizes that she doesn't love me?" Santana closed her eyes. "Then...then I have to let her go."

"You're willing to go that far to make sure she's genuinely happy?" She asked. "You're ready to sacrifice yourself so that Brittany can fall in love with whomever she wants, even if it's not you?" Santana looked at her with clear, serious eyes.

"If I had to die for her happiness, I would."

"Goddamnit." Quinn breathed. The two of them sat there for a long time as they both processed what Santana's words meant. Then, silently, Quinn got up and went to the closet. When she returned, she held a big box in her hand and set it down. Together, they started putting away the last two years of Santana's life with Brittany.


	3. Near But So Far

Just like they promised, Quinn and Santana were back the next day. Brittany instantly brightened up when they walked through the door.

"You came!" She exclaimed.

"Of course, we're your friends!" Quinn replied. Brittany set down her magazine and studied both of them. Quinn sat still and smiled under the scrutinizing gaze but Santana fidgeted uncomfortably, unused to the unfamiliar stare Brittany was giving. She checked her breath, making sure that she no longer smelled like alcohol.

"So...can I ask you guys some questions?" She asked.

"Sure." Quinn replied and Brittany launched into a tirade of inquires. Where was she from? What kind of person was she? What were her interests? How did she wind up in the hospital? Question after question Quinn answered while Santana sat, watching her wife's facial expressions.

"So...do I have someone special? Like a boyfriend...?" Quinn's face faulted and she glanced over at Santana. When the brunette stayed silent and kept staring intently on the railing to the hospital bed, Quinn took in a deep breath.

"No." She replied. "No boyfriend."

Brittany continued asking them questions about her past for the next two hours but soon after that, the questions turned into comments and the comments turned into conversations. By the time Quinn and Santana were done, they'd been there for four hours easily. The doctor and nurse came into check in on them.

"When can I go home with them?" Brittany asked.

"Well, I'd like to keep you here for another two days." The doctor replied. "Just to get paper work sorted out." Brittany grinned and turned back to her two friends.

"Two days!" She exclaimed and Santana felt her stomach lurch with nervousness.

"Two days..." Quinn echoed. "I have an out-of-state press conference to attend. San, can you pick her up?" Santana nodded numbly.

"Sure."

The next two days crawled painfully slowly. Santana found herself on the verge of a mental breakdown due to the events that transpired in the past week. But as hours shortened into minutes, and Santana found herself in the car driving to the hospital to pick Brittany up, she realized she wasn't ready to deal with the reality that Brittany had no idea who she really was. She cursed all the way to the hospital, only putting on a veneer of cheeriness when she walked into Brittany's room. She brought a change of clothes, the glee shirt that Kurt had made all of them before they graduated, hoping it jog her memory even just a little. But Brittany simply mentioned that it was cute shirt and slipped it on. Santana walked over to check the two of them out.

"And here are her belongings." The nurse at the front desk said, presenting Santana with the clothes they found her in. Resting on top of the jeans that Brittany wore when she stormed out was the wedding ring. Santana felt her heart contract. She took the ring, holding it up to the light and studying it, holding it, making sure it was real.

"I'm ready!" Brittany said. Santana quickly put the ring in her pocket and forced a thin lipped smile. The two of them clambered into the car. Usually, Brittany would hold her hand during any car ride, no matter how short but this time she kept her hands folded in her lap. She was excited the whole trip back, asking Santana what kind of apartment they lived in, if it was in a good part of the neighborhood. Santana did her best to answer her questions without giving their relationship away. AS they pulled into the parking lot, Santana let out a long sigh.

"We're here." She said. Brittany wowed at the sight of the building. It was modern, only built in the past 6 years and it was located smack dab in the middle of town. Rent was expensive of course, but Santana reassured her that they both had good enough jobs to pay for it. As the went up the elevator, Brittany bounced with excitement in the same way that she did when they first moved in. The elevator door opened and the two of them got out.

_ Brittany's home._ Santana tried to stop the thought from jumping out because it was only partly true. A girl with the name of Brittany and with Brittany's form was walking into their apartment but it wasn't _her_ Brittany. She kept reminding herself that even though this girl talked, walked and looked like Brittany, she wasn't Brittany where it mattered. In the back of her head, she thought that maybe, just maybe she would've taken Brittany, mutilated or distorted beyond recognition to this, because she loved Brittany for who she was.

"Wow. Fancy." Brittany whispered, wandering into their kitchen.

"Yeah." Santana said half-heartedly. Santana looked over the living room, a tiny bit of nagging fear lurking that she had left something damaging or revealing about their relationship in plain sight. Brittany looked around as well, trying to take everything in.

"I like it." She announced it. "Did I like it before?" Santana remembered when they first looked at the apartment. Brittany loved it almost instantly. She liked how there were a lot of windows to let in the sun. She liked the little balcony they had so that she could sit outside. When Santana saw the excited glimmer in her eyes that weren't there the previous apartments that they'd visited, she knew this was the one. It was spacious, no doubt about it. There was a dining room that they often cleared so that they could have their own private dance sessions. It was connected, albeit divided by a median, to the equally large living room. Down the hall, there was the master bedroom and a smaller bedroom that Santana converted into a study room and a decently sized bathroom. The view overlooked most of the city, especially since they were on one of the higher floors.

"Is this the bathroom?" Brittany asked, even though it was obvious that it was.

"Yeah." Brittany looked around at the white tiled walls and the shower-bath against the wall.

"Is that my toothbrush?" She asked, pointing to the pink handled one.

"Yeah." Santana replied. Brittany nodded and proceeded to the bedroom.

"Who sleeps here?" She asked.

"You do." Santana replied. Brittany's eyebrows furrowed in confusion and she wandered back into the living room and looked around.

"That's where I sleep?" She confirmed. Santana was reminded of Brittany back when they were in high school. She was always asking questions, even obvious ones. And each and everyone of them Santana did her best to answer. From math to gossip, Brittany always checked with Santana before she believed or understood anything. Even though Santana sometimes didn't know the answer, she'd respond with something believable because Brittany hated unanswered questions. It was better to lie, then correct herself later, than leave Brittany hanging.

"Yeah, that's where you sleep." Santana responded.

"Then where do you sleep?" And, God, Santana wished she had all the answers sometimes.

"I..."

"Because that's a really big bed and there's only one bedroom." Brittany said. Santana noted that Brittany was still as perceptive as ever. She might not have been the smartest bulb in the tool shed but goddammit if anyone said Brittany wasn't not observant. Santana bit down on her lip as her mind raced to come up with a lie, that she would later correct of course, to feed to Brittany.

"The couch." She blurted. Brittany tilted her head to one side. "I sleep on the couch."

"Um...really? Because if we're roommates, then why do you have to sleep on the couch?" Brittany asked. Santana shrugged.

"I've always slept on the couch." She said. "I mean, have you sat down on it? It's more comfortable than that mattress." Maybe for sitting on, Santana thought, but definitely not for sleeping on. Brittany was still unconvinced.

"That seems weird." She mumbled.

"It's not at all." Santana replied. _Please...please still be as trusting as you always were._ Santana prayed. _I don't think I could control myself sleeping next to you._ Brittany said nothing, eying the two nightstands. She could feel that something was off but part of her just wanted to go along with whatever the brunette said.

"Ok." She replied. She flopped down on the couch, the setting sun giving her hair a strawberry blond glint. Santana sat in the seat next to her, silently savoring the warmth that the blond emanated.

"Do you want to watch a movie or something?" Santana suggested.

"Yes!" Brittany replied. "Which one's my favorite?" Santana turned on the TV and DVD player. Her favorite movie was already in there, untouched since Brittany left the apartment before. They watched mostly in silence, with Brittany interjecting every now and then. Santana bit her lip. Brittany's comments now were the same exact ones she made before and at times, Santana almost leaned on her shoulder in that old familiar way and stopped when she caught herself reaching for Brittany's hand.

"That was great! I can see why I liked it before." Brittany said after the movie ended.

"Yeah..." Santana said, trailing off. The blond yawned, looking outside.

"I don't know why I'm so tired." She said sleepily.

"You usually go to bed early. You wake up early." Santana replied. Brittany stood up.

"I guess...I guess I'll go brush my teeth." She said, walking into the bathroom. Santana followed and the two stood in front of the mirror, mouths covered in toothpaste. Unconsciously, Santana timed her teeth brushing with Brittany's and only noticed when they both reached for the cup of water.

"Sorry." They both mumbled at the same time. Santana drew away first and watched Brittany gargle.

_It's like living with a ghost..._she thought. _She's here...but she's not really..._After they both exited the bathroom, they said an awkward goodnight, with Santana's gaze lingering after Brittany's retreating form. She only moved when the door to the bedroom closed, shutting her out completely. Santana walked over the couch, now set up with blankets and a pillow. She curled up there, hearing the neighbors have another argument over something trivial again.

_I'd rather have that..._She thought. _I'd rather have us be angry at each other than complete strangers..._

_

* * *

_

Santana awoke the next morning with corduroy lines on her face from pressing it into the couch too hard. She sat up and saw Brittany fumbling with cereal. She'd somehow located where it was and was trying her best to quietly fix some breakfast for herself.

"Morning." Santana mumbled. There was a crick in her neck that wouldn't go away and she groaned when she stood up.

"Morning." Brittany said. "Sorry if I woke you. Do you know where the spoons are?"

"The spoons are in the drawer!" Santana replied. When Brittany looked at her confused, Santana cursed inwardly. Of course she didn't remember which drawer or where the spoons were. Santana had to remember that even trivial things, like where the power button on the TV was, or which key goes to which lock, were all new to Brittany. She stood up and walked over to Brittany who stood, looking through all the drawers.

"Here." Santana said, opening up the far left one.

"I was just about to get to that one." Brittany said cheekily, sticking out her tongue. It took everything in Santana not to kiss her on the forehead for being so cute. She simply nodded and went back to the table to continue eating.

"How did you sleep?" Santana asked.

"Good. Better than I've slept in a while." Brittany replied. "You?" Santana's neck was killing her and she wanted to take some pain pills to dull the throbbing in her head.

"Fine." She replied, though she rotated her head and sighed when it ached. Brittany brought the spoonful of cereal to her mouth, eying her the entire time. When she finished, she set the spoon down and walked over behind Santana and put her hands on her shoulders. Santana stiffened.

"Is it ok if I do this?" Brittany asked, slowly beginning to knead Santana's sore muscles. Santana said nothing because anything at all would break the moment. She focused instead on how Brittany's fingers lacked no uncertainty. She'd massaged Santana's back and shoulders too many times to count, surely it had to be muscle memory. But what she did and what she said were too different things. Her body may have been 100% certain in what it did but Brittany was not.

"Is this ok? Am I going too hard?" She asked. Santana closed her eyes.

"No, that's perfect." She sighed. Santana wanted to kill the hope that Brittany would one day remember. It might happen, it might not but she didn't want to take the risk of getting her hopes shattered. Brittany kept massaging her, not slipping up once. Every touch relaxed a little more of Santana's stressed frame and she didn't want to moment to end. However, Brittany finished and rubbed her arms comfortingly.

"Better?" She asked.

"Much." Santana replied.

"I wasn't being too forward, right? I mean, you said we're best friends and roommates so I kinda figured..."

"No, that wasn't..." It hurt again. It hurt explaining to Brittany that she could do nothing that overstepped her bounds. "It wasn't..."

"Ok!" Brittany was satisfied with that answer and drank her orange juice. When she finished the glass, she set it down. "So...what's the plan for today?" Santana thought about it. She had a list of things that she needed to reintroduce to Brittany. She was going to take her to the dance studio, maybe dancing would help her remember. Behind Santana, that was the thing she loved most. She was going to take her by the bridge where Santana had first said "I love you" and where she had proposed as well, perhaps a place like that, a place that had so much significance to both of them, maybe it would jog her memory. If that didn't, nothing would. And that was what scared Santana the most.

* * *

Author's note: Sorry about the short chapter. I'll try to make them longer. Been going through a bit of a rough patch lately.


	4. Falling

Santana pulled into the parking lot of Brittany's dance studio. There were several cars, it was a class day after all and Santana managed to squeeze into the spot reserved only for the instructors. Brittany looked out the window at the small brick building that she shared with a bead shop and comic book store. The blinds were drawn over the large glass windows.

"This is where you work." Santana said as they stepped out of the car. Brittany looked at the building in wonder.

"Um...which one?" She asked, pointing to the signs for all three.

"Oh, um, you're a dancer. You teach dance here." Santana replied. Brittany frowned a little.

"Oh. I was hoping I got to play with beads." She joked and winked at Santana. That alone made the Latina's knees buckle a little and she put her hand on the hood of her car to steady herself.

"Um, why don't we go inside?" She asked. She looked down at Brittany's hand, limp by her side and she wanted to take it, she wanted to hold it so that she could transfer maybe a little bit of comfort to her. Instead, Brittany closed her eyes and Santana watched as she mentally prepared herself for whatever she may find inside the dance studio.

Hopefully it was her memories.

Brittany went first, opening the door where hiphop music was playing a a decent volume, enough for the door to vibrate when she touched it. She walked in and around the corner and looked. There were about seven people rehearsing a number and Santana stood by her. Brittany watched them intently, studying the way they moved, thinking "did I do that at one point?" And Santana did the same to Brittany, observing the way the lines on her face knitted together in concentration. When the music stopped the men and women high-fived each other for a job well done. One of them, a tall muscular man with slicked back brown hair and five-o-clock shadow caught a glimpse of them. In an instant, his expression turned from pride to shock. He stood there for a good few seconds before running over to Brittany at high speed and enveloping her in a hug so big he lifted her off the ground and spun her. Santana saw the slight look of surprise and panic on Brittany's face. She bristled and jumped in between them.

"Get away." She hissed. The man frowned, almost snarled at her.

"What's your problem?" He demanded. "First time I've seen Brittany since you told me she disappeared! I'm entitled to hug my dance partner!" Santana felt a sickening wave of rage bubble up inside her.

"Yeah, well why don't you get the facts before you scare her." She hissed. The man looked angry and confused, back and forth from the blond to the brunette.

"What's she talking about, Britt?" He asked.

"Um...I lost my memory." She replied sheepishly, looking down at her feet. The man stood in stunned silence.

"You...you what?"

"Are you deaf?" Santana sneered. "She lost her memory, ok? She doesn't remember anything before the accident." The man leaned against the wall for support.

"Wait...explain..." He said, shaking his head, signaling incomprehension. Santana rolled her eyes. The last thing she wanted to do was explain the situation to him. But Brittany did so.

"I was in a car accident." She parroted, remembering what Quinn, the doctor and the nurses told her. "And I guess I must've hit my head too hard...or been underwater for too long, or something. Anyway, I don't really remember anything before the accident. So...I don't remember who you are." The last part Brittany said rather apologetically. The man ran his hands down his face and sighed. He looked at her, a little too intensely for Santana's liking, and nodded.

"Is this permanent?" He asked. Brittany shrugged.

"Dunno." He buried his head in his hands for a moment, then returned to a standing posture.

"I'm Dave." He said, sticking out his hand for her to shake.

"Hi, nice to re-meet you." Brittany said, smiling as if everything were ok. But Santana knew Brittany far too well for that. This whole ordeal was taking its toll on her.

"Well, um...welcome back." Dave said. "Do you want me to show you around? There's not much." Much to Santana's disdain, he took her left hand in his and pulled her into the middle of the floor. Since class was over, the other students waved and said goodbye, exiting the building so that only Santana, Brittany and David were left. Santana folded her arms as Brittany, slipping out of David's grasp, twirled in the middle.

"That's it!" David laughed. He walked over to the radio and flipped through some CDs lying next to it.

"Ah!" He said. "Here we go." He put the CD in. Music flooded the giant room and Brittany's eyebrows furrowed in concentration.

"I...I know this." She said.

"Really?" David asked. Even Santana was surprised. Brittany moved her arms and legs, experimentally and they watched as she fell into beat almost naturally.

_Of course..._Santana thought, watching her with wide eyes. _She would remember dance...it's Brittany..._

But this piece was a partner piece and David, also transfixed by the beauty dancing in front of him, moved towards her and soon took her into his arms in a passionate embrace. Brittany's eyes clouded over as she soon fell into the trance of the music. Santana dug her nails into her arm as she watched the two gaze at each other, wrapped in each other's arms and each other's touch in a way Santana wanted.

Brittany's arms encircled David's as he lifted her. Their eyes met and he brought her back down, his lips almost gracing the front of her neck. Brittany arched her back as she sunk to the ground, rolling her hands down his sides.

Santana hated this number. She hated it when she saw it performed for the first time and she hated imagining how many times the two of them rehearsed it. They did a convincing job, so much so that many people asked if the two of them were an item. Brittany of course denied it but David, well, he didn't look so pleased when he had to say no. Santana had to look away for the final part, where their lips were so close to each others that maybe they were a hair width's away. They held the pose and Santana went outside to avoid it.

"You remembered it." David whispered.

"I guess I did." She replied, pulling away. They looked at each other and David glanced down at her hand. His eyes narrowed.

"Where's your ring?" He asked, pointing to her left hand.

"What ring?" She replied and he looked back at her, the gears in his head working. Santana walked back in, wiping the fresh tears from her eyes.

"Let's go, Britt, we've got other places to be." She said. Brittany gave him one last confused look and walked outside. Santana trailed a little behind, shooting a deadly glare at him.

"Hey!" David called out. "Santana!" Santana paused.

"What?" She shot back.

"You haven't told her? About...about you two?" He yelled. Santana looked quickly at the retreating blond to see if she had heard. But the door was closed and Brittany kept walking. Santana frowned.

"That's none of your business." She snapped back and exited the dance studio. David crossed his arms angrily, still feeling the way Brittany's breath tickled his lips. He thought about it for a moment and then realized that perhaps this was a good thing for him. Maybe, just maybe this was his chance to get the girl who got away.

* * *

Santana was in a foul mood in the car. Brittany was equally distracted, thinking about David and the dance routine she remembered. It felt so natural and the steps came so easily to her. And David...there was no doubt they had a spark between them but Brittany could be sure if it was simply through dancing or something more. She sighed and rested her head in her hands and propped her elbow on the window. The two of them drove, lost in their own thoughts and the distance between them seemed to grow even more.

It took Santana a moment to realize she had pulled into her usual spot whenever the two of them wanted to take a walk to the bridge. They had been sitting there for a full minute when they simultaneously came out of their thoughts.

"We're here." Santana said, stepping out. Brittany followed her silently. They walked for a quarter of a mile, over the bridge and to the clearing with a bench and a picnic table.

"It's nice." Brittany said but Santana didn't see any of the recognition in her eyes.

"This was your favorite spot." Santana said, trying to pry anything from the depths of her brain. But Brittany merely nodded, distracted. This finally drove home to Santana that the girl sitting in front of her was not, and may never be her Brittany again. She chewed her lip and looked up at the gray sky and the clouds threatening to open up and pour down on them. Even their favorite spot didn't spark anything between them.

_What had I been expecting?_ Santana thought. _Had I thought that this would be the cure-all?_ She pursed her lips, looking at the water as it rippled with impending rain. _God I'm so stupid..._

The two of them stayed there until it became clear that it was going to rain. Brittany twiddled her thumbs, wanting to go home but too polite to say anything. Santana got lost in her thoughts, wondering if it were possible for Brittany to fall in love with her again. She thought about all the things she could do, take her out, bring her flowers. But she didn't really know how to. They had fallen in love naturally before; one did not pursue the other, it just happened in the course of their friendship. It was something that had taken years, no, more than a decade to develop from something like, "I'm Brittany, this is my favorite lunch box" to "I do." Santana didn't know how to make Brittany fall in love with her or whoever this new woman was. She didn't remember all the steps they took, from first holding hands, to cuddling, to kissing and then more. These were all things that flowed, from conversations to kissing as if they had been doing it their entire lives.

"It's raining." Brittany said, feeling a few droplets patter on skin. Santana blinked.

"What?" She said, hearing her voice but not her words.

"It's raining." Brittany repeated.

"Oh. Ok." They got up and wordlessly got into the car. It began pouring on the drive back and they rushed into the apartment, bumping together as they both tried to walk in the door at the same time.

"Sorry." They mumbled simultaneously and it struck Santana just how awkward their interactions were. Once inside, Brittany shook the water out of her hair.

"I'm going to change." She said, going into the bedroom. Santana made a move to follow, also wanting to get out of her wet clothes but she was stopped short when Brittany closed the door and she stood outside, feeling a pang of hurt. It wasn't Brittany's fault, certainly, but it didn't sting any less.

Brittany opened up the drawers and looked for clean underwear. She picked out a bra, but when she put it on, realized it was a tiny bit bigger than what was comfortable. She looked around at the room and realized there was only one dresser. She blushed when it became clear that it was Santana's bra, not hers and she quickly took it off. She looked at the top drawer, filled with underwear and it occurred to her that they didn't separate out their clothes. She blushed, feeling slightly embarrassed that she was going through Santana's things. She went back outside, still in the same thing she wore. Santana was standing in the kitchen and she looked at Brittany, confused as to why she was still wearing the same clothes.

"I...um...I don't know which one is mine." Brittany confessed. Santana got up and walked into the bedroom and Brittany followed timidly. Santana opened up each drawer and began separating their clothes, right from left. After a few minutes, she stepped aside.

"This side is yours." Santana said, pointing to the right side. Brittany nodded gratefully and Santana went back outside, closing the door behind her. The blond got dressed on the bed and looked around.

_There must be so many memories we have together. And we must be close if we share the same dresser..._She said. _What am I missing...?_ When she finished, she walked back outside.

"I'm done." She announced. Santana brushed aside when Brittany grabbed her wrist.

"I'm sorry." Brittany whispered.

"For what?" Santana asked.

"For...I dunno, for forgetting." Brittany replied. Their eyes met for a moment and Santana tried hard to fake that she was ok.

"It's not your fault." Santana replied. "You had an accident."

"I know." Brittany sighed. "But I'm sorry that I can't remember you. I'm sure we were close."

_You have no idea._ Santana said as Brittany let go and went into the living room. Santana stayed in the hallway to their bedroom out of sight. She heard the TV turn on and indistinct conversations on whatever show Brittany was watching. She leaned against the wall, the background noise drowning out her thoughts. When she found the energy to move again, she opened the drawers and picked out her clothes for the rest of the night. She looked down at the garments and swallowed the bile that rose in her throat. They were separated by an invisible barrier.

Later that night, when Brittany had gone to bed, Santana tossed and turned on the couch, thinking about what she could do. When she came up with nothing, she buried her face into the pillow and cried silently so that there was no chance of Brittany hearing. She cried herself to sleep but she couldn't escape the nagging thought that plagued her mind since she brought Brittany to _their_ spot.

In her dreams, she was sitting in an art studio. All around her, pictures, drawings and paintings of Brittany were burning up. She sat in the middle of it all, watching as they curled in on themselves in flames and she felt nothing. She didn't feel sad or angry, she simply watched as they turned to pieces of ash on the floor. In her hands, she held their rings. She blew on them they vanished like dust. After a few minutes, there was nothing left in the studio and light streamed in through the windows.

It was dawn when Santana woke up. The sun was barely peeking over the horizon. Santana opened her eyes and sat up, the dream still fresh in her mind. She ran her fingers through her hair and looked over at the hallway where she was certain the door to their bedroom was closed. She knew what the dream meant, she knew what that feeling was when she watched all the pieces of artwork burn. She knew it, and she knew she had to come to terms with what was happening.

This woman, the woman sleeping in their bed, was not Brittany. She could try all she wanted, she could look at that woman's face and pretend that she was her wife. She could look at her face and still feel those emotions but there was too big of a gap between them. She knew, with a heavy heart, that she was falling out of love with Brittany.


	5. What Is Lost

Santana had to go back to work the following day. At least, that was the excuse she told Brittany. The truth was that she needed time away from her wife to sort out her feelings, to clear her head and approach the situation differently. She dropped Brittany off with Quinn who volunteered to stay with her until Santana came home. While Santana was out, Quinn took her for a walk around the neighborhood, hoping that some of the familiar sites would jog her memory a bit. They chatted on their stroll and it came with much more fluidity than Santana and Brittany had when interacting. Brittany felt instantly comfortable with Quinn. With Santana, she always felt an uneasiness that she couldn't explain or understand.

"So what does Santana do?" Brittany asked.

"She works in the same building as I do. She's the marketing director." Quinn replied.

"And you?" Brittany continued.

"I'm product manager." Quinn replied. "So I get to see her every now and again." Brittany stirred uncomfortably just thinking about Santana. Quinn noticed her silence. "Is everything ok?"

"I just...I get this feeling around Santana." She admitted. Quinn's heart leapt with hope.

"What kind of feeling?" She questioned.

"Um...I don't know how to describe it. Awkward? I don't like it." Quinn's heart sunk again at the revelation. She knew Santana, she had been her best friend. Whenever something went wrong, especially with Brittany, she didn't know how to react. In this case, she probably went inside of her shell again.

"Well, it's hard for her." Quinn explained. "You two were really close so this is hard for her to adjust." Brittany sighed as they crossed the street, not even bothering to look for cars.

"I know."

"She's got a lot on her mind. She's got your hospital bills, rent, dealing with the fact that you don't remember anything." A knot formed in Brittany's stomach. She'd forgotten about rent. She probably paid half of it, and utilities and now Santana was covering it all.

"I'm such a pain." Brittany said, hanging her head sadly. Quinn put her arm around the other blond and pulled her in for a hug. Brittany found the touch warm.

"Santana would do anything for you." Quinn said. "So don't think that you're a pain. We all would do anything for you if you needed it." Brittany nodded and they walked on.

Later that day, after Quinn dropped Brittany off at the apartment, Brittany sat down and looked around. She remembered Santana's words, how the two of them earned enough to keep it. She wondered what Santana was going to do now that she stopped making money. It didn't take long for her to find out. Santana got home late. Brittany was reading a magazine when the door opened.

"Hey." Brittany said. "Dinner's on the counter." Santana said nothing and instead collapsed on the couch. Brittany stood up and sat on the seat next to the couch and looked at her. The Latina was pretty, Brittany decided. But beyond that she looked tired, both physically and emotionally. There were dark circles under her eyes and she noticed a wrinkle in her forehead that she had never seen before. Brittany reached out with her hand and wanted to touch her cheek.

_How much have you sacrificed?_ Brittany wondered. Her fingers stopped millimeters away from Santana's skin. She wondered if her touch would wake Santana up. The brunette was breathing heavily, almost on the verge of snoring. It was different when she was asleep, the blond could observe her without seeing those sad, lonely eyes stare back at her. When she was asleep, Brittany didn't have to see that. She wanted to touch Santana and just as she made a move to do so, Santana mumbled something in her sleep and turned to face the opposite way. Brittany withdrew her hand and watched her back rise and fall with every breath.

"Would it be ok, Santana," she whispered even though Santana was fast asleep. "if we just created new memories?" After listening to Santana's steady breathing for another minute, Brittany got up and walked to the bedroom. After she closed the door, she stripped down and looked at herself in the mirror hung up on the opposite side of the room. There were a few scars on her body, one right above her belly button, one on the side of her hip, and a few on her thighs. This body was completely unfamiliar to her even though she inhabited it. Santana was suffering, true, but it wasn't any easier for Brittany. She closed her eyes.

_Please...please come back._ She thought silently to the memories buried in her mind. When they didn't magically reappear, Brittany curled up on the bed she was still convinced was too big for one person and fell asleep with her hand close to her mouth to muffle any sad noises she might've made while crying.

When morning rolled around, the awkwardness settled in again. Santana couldn't bring herself to look at Brittany anymore because when she did, she really felt nothing. There was no spark, even when Brittany smiled sleepily on her way to the bathroom to brush her teeth. It was adorable, but Santana didn't feel the warmth threaten to bubble over within her like she usually felt when Brittany would show off that lazy smile and mumble "good morning." She tried to muster up some feeling but it grew harder to even conjure up the memory of how passionate their love was. Santana hated herself for it.

"Hey Brittany?" She asked.

"Yeah?" Brittany was in the kitchen pouring milk on her cereal.

"Do you mind getting me a glass of water?" It took only a few seconds before Brittany brought over a glass of water. Santana looked at it sadly as it only reaffirmed that this was not the Brittany she loved. If it were, Brittany would've brought her water in a mug, specifically her mug.

"Thanks." She whispered sadly. Brittany offered a weak smile before opening up her book. Santana finished her breakfast and got up.

"I have to go to work." She announced. "And I'm probably going to be staying late. Overtime." Brittany nodded. "If you need anything, just call me, my number's on the fridge."

"Ok." And with that, Santana was out the door. Brittany looked over at the empty seat, noting that Santana hadn't so much as touched the water she brought over. With a heavy heart, she started cleaning.

* * *

Santana was a workaholic when she was stressed. The worse it was, the more efficient and machine like she became. Quinn noticed this when more and more paper work started piling up on her desk, all from Santana. It was one way for her to gauge how Santana was doing, and judging by the mountains of work that her secretary kept bringing in, it wasn't good. At lunch, Quinn stopped by Santana's office.

"Lunch, Lopez?" Quinn asked.

"Can't. Bills to pay." Santana replied mechanically. Quinn rolled her eyes and dropped a sandwich on her desk.

"Can't work if you don't eat." She said, sitting in the chair opposite, opening up her own lunch bag. Santana ignored the food sitting on her corner, only touching it to move it further from her. Quinn munched quietly.

"I take it it's not going well?" Quinn observed. Santana said nothing. "Have you even tried to talk to her about it?"

"About what?" Santana monotoned.

"About you two." Quinn said. Santana stopped writing and rested her head on her desk.

"I...I'm not in love with her." She whispered. Quinn almost choked.

"Excuse me?" She demanded through fits of coughing.

"I'm not in love with her. She's not Brittany. Every day I see it a little clearer. I'm probably never going to get my Brittany back."

"What about all that shit you spouted back when we first found her? How she was still your wife?" Quinn yelled. Santana ran a hand through her hair.

"I didn't...I didn't realize just how much I was in love with what made Brittany, Brittany. All of that, everything we had together is gone. What's left is this woman who doesn't even fucking bring me my mug when I ask for water!" Santana pushed the papers away and dissolved into a fit of tears. Quinn looked outside to make sure no one was watching. She closed the blinds and walked over.

"I just want her back...I want her to remember..." Santana sobbed into Quinn's shirt and Quinn did her best to comfort her best friend.

"I know. I know. I want her back too."

"I don't want to fall out of love with her...but I am." Santana whispered the fear that coursed through her body every second of the day.

* * *

Brittany didn't have a car so she walked to wherever she wanted to go. In this case, she wound up at the dance studio that Santana brought her to. When she walked in, Dave was in the corner, shouting "one, two, three" while teenage girls tried to keep up with the music. When Dave saw her, he stopped.

"Ok, take ten everyone." He said, getting up from his sitting position. He walked over, grinning. "Hey you." He gave her a hug.

"Hi again." She replied, pushing him away slightly.

"Oops, sorry, did I over step my bounds?" He asked, wincing.

"No, no, I'm just still getting used to everything."

"Brittany!" One of the teenage girls ran over and hugged her around the waist. "Where have you been?" Brittany didn't want to hurt the poor girl's feelings so she responded as if she just went away temporarily.

"Vacation." She lied. "Sorry I didn't tell you." The girl frowned.

"That was mean! You promised to teach me some killer dance moves!" She pouted.

"Aww, I promise I'll teach you soon." Brittany replied, ruffling the girl's hair. The girl brightened instantly.

"Ok, but if you don't I'm going to be really mad!" She ran away to join her other friends. Dave beamed at her.

"You've still got it." He noted.

"Got what?"

"You've always been good with kids." He said. "When you went away, half of them cried and wouldn't come to class!" Brittany laughed.

"Wow, I was that good, huh?" She asked, looking over at the group of girls.

"You were...are amazing." Dave whispered. Brittany looked up at him and saw adoration in his eyes. It wasn't hard to see it and Brittany wasn't sure how she felt about it. He noticed that she looked conflicted and cleared his throat, not wanting to push the matter further than what she was comfortable with.

"Anyway." He said, changing the subject. "What can I do for you?" Brittany looked down at her feet.

"I want to start working again."

"Sure." Dave replied immediately. Brittany blinked in surprise.

"That's it?"

"Yeah. I mean, you still remember how to dance. I'm sure it'll take a couple of days for you to get back in the swing of things but I'm sure you'll pick it up just as fast as you did before." He said, shrugging his shoulders. Brittany broke into a grin.

"Thanks!"

"Yeah, no problem, Brit. I can start bringing you up to speed tomorrow. I don't have a class until 1 so if you show up early, we can start going over some of the routines we're teaching." He said, looking over at a calendar.

"That'd be great!" Dave looked over at the girls who had formed a circle and were taking turns dancing in the middle.

"Why don't you stay for a while?" He suggested. "Just to keep me company." Brittany nodded.

"Sure! I'd love to." She said and walked with him back over to the group. Many of the girls squealed when they saw Brittany and she did her best to find out their names without letting on that anything was wrong.

Santana didn't know about Brittany starting up her job again. She woke up early and came home late. She worked overtime to pay for the bills. By the time Brittany was up, Santana was usually long gone, or they would share breakfast together and Santana would rush out. Brittany waited, wanting to surprise Santana with a paycheck that would help cover some of the costs they shared. Dave paid her the following Friday and she ran home, excited to give the check to Santana. When she got back, which was surprisingly late at night due to some extra practice, Santana was already passed out on the couch. Brittany looked at her cellphone that lay on the table and she picked it up. She flipped through it, trying to find the alarm so that she could turn it off. When she found it, she switched the alarm to silent. She watched Santana sleep, knowing just how exhausted she must be. This time, she squatted down next to her and brushed her hair from her eyes.

_She's beautiful._ The thought hit her like a truck and suddenly she was breathless. The idea of making Santana happy, or even just a little less stressed, made a new feeling rise in her throat. She stood up quickly, unused to whatever it was that just shocked her. She set the check down on the table and quickly entered the bedroom. She tried her best to go to sleep but whenever she closed her eyes, she imagined Santana smiling with genuine happiness and that feeling would return. She didn't know what it was, she just knew that it wasn't going away.

* * *

It was bright out, abnormally so. Santana opened her eyes and looked around, wondering why the sun was so high in the sky. She saw Brittany in the kitchen, sipping coffee.

"Morning." She muttered and then she caught a glimpse of the clock. It was 8:00 am, three hours after she was supposed to be at work.

"What the fuck?" She yelled sitting up straight. She grabbed her phone and looked at it. "Did I switch it to silent? Fuck!" She ran into the bathroom.

"No, I did it!" Brittany replied. "You just looked like you could use the sleep and..."

"You did what?" Santana yelled, storming back into the room. "I was supposed to be at work three hours ago! What the hell would possess you to do that?" Brittany shrunk a little.

"No...I..."

"God! I'm trying so fucking hard to provide for us while you sit around and do nothing! Can you at least not sabotage what I'm trying to do for us?" The last words cut deep into Brittany. She knew she should've explained. She knew that Santana didn't know what was going on, that she had gotten a job. In the back of her mind, she knew it was a little bit of her fault. But tears sprung to her eyes and she felt like someone had just stabbed her in the stomach.

"I was just...I was just trying to help..." Brittany whispered.

"Fuck...just stop trying!" Santana yelled. All the frustration that had been building for the past week, on top of the lack of sleep and stress finally exploded out of her. Some of it was money, some of it was work. But most of it came from Santana desperately trying to remember what it was like to love Brittany and failing because the woman sitting at the table didn't remember that Santana took her coffee black, or that she hated too much salt in her eggs. It was the little things that kept probing her, telling her that her wife was gone. It was the fact that she wanted so badly for them to be instantly in love again but the distance only seemed to grow larger.

But Brittany didn't know any of that. All she knew was that Santana was yelling at her and she hated it. She stood up, leaving her unfinished breakfast and walked out of the door, slamming it behind her. Santana screamed in frustration, gripping her hair. She looked at the table, then to the clock and decided that she didn't have time for this. She quickly changed and went to work.

It turned out to be an unproductive day, so much so that her boss went into her office and told her to take the rest of the day off. It didn't help that she looked like hell. Santana reluctantly got up from her chair and drove home. When she entered the apartment, she half expected to see Brittany sitting on the couch reading. But Brittany was no where to be seen. Santana flopped down in front of the TV, wanting to vegetate for a while. She reached for the remote on the coffee table and froze.

She saw a check lying there. It was a paycheck, clearly and it was clearly addressed to Brittany's name. At the top, it said "Synchronization Dance Studio." Santana's blood ran cold.

"When the fuck...?" She whispered. "Oh...oh shit." She got up and ran to her car. She had messed up big time. It all made sense now and suddenly she realized that the reason Brittany had turned off her alarm was to let her know that she didn't need to work so hard.

"Why didn't you tell me you started working again?" Santana yelled, banging her hand against the wheel of the car as she did 40 down a 20 mile per hour road. She pulled into the parking lot, not even caring that her parking job was so bad it took up two spots. She practically ran to the front of the building but just as she touched the door, she looked through the window.

Brittany was touching Dave's shoulder and laughing while Dave made a particularly unattractive face. They were the only two in the dance studio and Dave reached over and brushed her hair behind her ear. Brittany looked down, embarrassed at the contact when he leaned over and tickled her. She squeaked and jumped away and he started chasing her around. When he caught her, he grabbed her by the waist and swung her around, the two of them looking happier than ever. Santana let her hand drop to her side.

She should've felt jealousy. She should've stormed in angrily and asked...no, ordered Dave to keep his filthy hands off of her wife. And she was tempted to do so. But she saw a happiness she hadn't seen in Brittany while they were together. It reminded her of they way Brittany was before the accident. Everything that she wanted to do, to apologize for earlier in the day, to thank her for the check, to tell her that she was so important, all of that died when she saw Brittany doubled over, laughing uncontrollably. Santana rested the tips of her fingers on the window and watched her quietly, wondering if she could ever make her that happy again.


	6. The Distance that Separates Us

When Brittany got home that night, she expected to find Santana passed out on the couch. She actually would've preferred it. The way Santana yelled at her shook her to the core and she wasn't sure if she was prepared for something like that again. But Santana was sitting on the sofa wide awake and Brittany set her bag down.

"Hey." She said tentatively. She wasn't sure if she could just rush into the bedroom and lock herself in there until it all blew over. Santana stood up and walked up to her and Brittany tensed a little, readying herself.

"I'm sorry." Santana said, taking Brittany by surprise. The blond relaxed. "I shouldn't have yelled at you like that. I didn't know that you had started working again but I still shouldn't have lost my temper." Santana looked at the ground when she said all of that. She was too embarrassed to meet Brittany's eyes but Brittany felt a wave of relief wash over her. It didn't take the sting out completely but it certainly soothed it a little.

"It's ok." Brittany said.

"But it's not, is it?" Santana asked. Brittany gave a weak smile.

"It's hard for both of us." She replied and Santana nodded in agreement.

"How was work?" She asked. Brittany shrugged. Santana remembered a time when Brittany would come in, flop down onto Santana's lap and chatter endlessly about her day. Sometimes Santana listened, sometimes she zoned out but it didn't matter and more importantly, she never had to grasp for conversation topics. If she didn't talk, Brittany would be more than happy to fill the silence. Now the two of them stood awkwardly in the living room while Santana tried to make small talk so that the deafening silence would go away.

"I'm mostly relearning everything but David said that I pick things back up pretty quickly. I need to do a lot of stretching though." At the mere mention of David's name, Santana winced though Brittany had blinked just in time to miss the split second that it happened. After a period of strained silence, Santana tried again.

"So...things are good? The kids?"

"Yeah, I haven't had the heart to tell them that I don't remember them. I've mostly been picking up their names either through conversation or through David."

_Stop saying his name._ Santana pleaded in her head.

"Sounds like you're having fun." Santana said unenthusiastically.

"How was your day?" Brittany asked.

"Nothing exciting."

_Tell me something about you._ Brittany thought. _Anything at all. Tell me...tell me what things line your desk._

"I want to know." Brittany said.

"I mean...we just signed a deal another multimillion dollar deal so that's something to celebrate. I almost botched it though..." Santana stopped short. Any more and she would've added "because I was taking care of you." to the end of it. Brittany however, saw the hesitation and guessed what she was about to say. Brittany nodded and smiled, letting a sad chuckle slip from her throat.

"Well, I'm going to bed. It's been a long day." She turned and headed towards the door. Just as she did, Santana reached for her and missed grabbing her hand by a hair. Brittany didn't notice the gesture that screamed _"don't leave me."_ Santana was rooted to the spot, the image of Brittany and Dave still fresh in her mind.

The week rolled by and the two barely saw one another. Santana still worked overtime to help cover the medical bills and Brittany stayed late to practice. When Santana showed up at work the Monday after, she found Quinn sitting there on her desk, her arms folded impatiently.

"Seriously, Santana, do you not understand the concept of 'day off'?" Quinn demanded. Santana blinked at her absently. She had totally forgotten that because they'd won the contract, they got the next Monday off.

"So what are you doing here?" Santana asked.

"Making sure you leave." Quinn replied, hopping off of the desk. "Come to my place, let's hang out." Santana knew that was code for "I need to talk to you about the shit you're doing wrong."

"Sure." Santana sighed. She was too tired to really care about what Quinn wanted to harp on her about. She followed Quinn out the door and they got into their respective cars. Santana didn't follow Quinn, she knew the way and actually got to Quinn's place before the other girl. She was waiting at the door when the blond exited the elevator.

"You ran a red light." Quinn noted.

"No one saw." Santana replied, getting up as Quinn unlocked the door. Her apartment was about the same size as Brittany and Santana's but it was not in the city and therefore cost significantly less. It was immaculate and pristine. Quinn was a bit of a neat freak. Out of the three of them, Quinn was cleanest. Brittany was next and Santana was last. That certainly did not mean Santana was sloppy, it simply meant Santana was ok with leaving the dishes out for a day or two.

Quinn on the other hand instinctively picked up Santana's jacket when she dropped it on the couch and hung it up. Santana sat down while Quinn fixed them drinks.

"Spill Fabray. What do you want to bitch to me about?" Santana sighed. Quinn sat down opposite to her and stared at her angrily.

"What the hell are you doing?" Quinn hissed.

"You're going to need to elaborate a little more." Santana deadpanned.

"I went grocery shopping the other day and guess who I saw?" Santana shrugged in differently. "Brittany. But hey, guess what else? She wasn't alone! She was with that two-faced slimeball." Santana smiled a little, knowing exactly who she was referring to. "Santana, what the hell are you even doing back home? Are you trying to give Brittany to him?"

"I'm not in love with her. What does it matter?" Quinn slammed her glass on the table.

"That is the biggest load of bullshit I have ever fucking heard. I am about three seconds away from slapping you." Santana felt the anger rise up in her chest. How did she even presume to understand how she felt?

"You try it, Fabray, I'll beat you in your own home."

"You have not fallen out of love with Brittany. There is no fucking way. You want to know what happened? You've become a coward."

"I swear to God, Quinn, I will beat you senseless!"

"You want to be tragic."

"You don't fucking understand! I've hurt her! I saw her last Monday with Dave and she looked so happy with him." Quinn's eyes bulged. "I want her to be happy."

"You saw them together?" She asked in disbelief. "You saw them and didn't do anything?" Santana looked at her feet. "Who the hell are you? The Santana I know would've punched him in the face. The Santana I know gets what she wants. I have no idea who you are."

"I'm not a..."

"Shut up. The Santana I know loves Brittany no matter what."

"She's not Brittany." Quinn got up and slapped Santana hard across the face.

"Don't you dare say that." Quinn hissed. "I thought you were just grieving when you said that the first time. I even forgave it the second time. But you actually believe that. I don't know what the hell is wrong with you but that is your fucking wife, always has, always will be. But it's easier for you to think of her otherwise because then you have nothing to lose. When I helped you pack up your marriage, if I had known that you were packing her up too, I would've left her at the hospital. I thought better of you. But you're not even trying." Quinn's voice was filled with anger and betrayal. Santana let the sting of Quinn's hands and words linger on her. She knew Quinn was right. She knew she was giving up. But even hearing that, even knowing that didn't change how she was feeling. She knew Brittany was physically her wife but mentally? Emotionally?

"I want to love her." Santana whispered. "But our love was based on memories, on everything we experienced."

"Then make new memories with her." Quinn said, throwing up her hands. "Because deep down, she's still Brittany Lopez-Pierce."

Santana went home shortly after that. When she walked in, she looked around. Everything that reminded Santana of their relationship was gone. She sat down at the kitchen table and closed her eyes. Everyday she felt them growing further and further apart. Sometimes they'd go to bed without saying anything to each other. Santana got up and walked into the bedroom. She noticed a new book on Brittany's nightstand and the slippers at the foot of the bed. The drawers were open and their clothes were still separated. The covers were messy. She must've been in a hurry, Santana thought and started walking out the door. She paused and whirled back around.

It was such a small detail, maybe not even worth mentioning or looking into. It could've been pure coincidence but it made Santana stop dead in her tracks.

Brittany had not touched one side of the bed, specifically Santana's side. Santana felt her heart pounding. Brittany couldn't have known. This was supposed to be just her bed. Brittany could've taken up the whole of the bed but she stuck to the side that was hers. Santana stared at the bed for a while.

She thought about what Quinn said. She wasn't even trying and she should be. It wasn't just the memories that made their relationship, it was who they were. She knew it was her responsibility.

* * *

Brittany was dancing with David. He was teaching her how to position her body during lifts. He was strong and he held her with a certain care that she had never seen him express with other women. They were alone in the studio again, reveling in the short break between classes. Dave set her down and put his hand on her shoulder.

"You seem distracted. Everything ok?" He asked.

"Yeah, just...just processing everything still." Brittany replied.

"Let me know if there's anything I can do." He said, pulling her in for a hug.

"You're sweet." Brittany said. Dave flashed her a white smile and his eyes lit up.

"Oh! I forgot!" He rushed over to his bag. He fished around for a moment before returning. He held a yellow daisy in his hand. "It was growing outside my house. I don't know if you remember but they're your favorite. I was hoping it would make you feel better." Brittany blushed and took the flower.

"Thanks..." She whispered. She walked over to her water bottle and put the flower in water. Dave watched her with loving eyes. It was now or never.

"Hey Brit?" He said, his voice echoing in the empty room. She looked up at him. His heart raced just meeting her eyes. "Let's go out on a date." Brittany's eyes widened.

"Wh-what?" She stammered.

"A date. You know, dinner, movie, walk along the river. You remember what a date is, right?"

"I know!" She exclaimed. "But..."

"I've been in love with you since I first met you. I've just never said anything to you." _Because of Santana_, Dave finished in his head.

"I just...I mean you're really sweet and nice." Brittany said. "But...I just don't know. It seems weird since I don't remember anything."

"I don't care. I love you for you." Dave replied. Brittany bit her lip. Something felt off but he was the only one she felt really comfortable with. They had chemistry dancing, he was good looking and obviously cared deeply about her. There was no reason for her to say no.

"Sure." She replied. David laughed aloud in surprise. He sprinted over to her and picked her up. Brittany laughed too but she couldn't shake the feeling that she was doing something wrong.

* * *

Winter was always harsh where they lived. That night was especially so. Santana waited impatiently for Brittany to get home. When she did, Santana stood up quickly.

"Do you want to go out?" She asked. Brittany blinked in shock. First Dave and now Santana?

"What?" She said dumbly.

"Outside." Santana clarified and Brittany relaxed a little.

"Oh."

"I know this really good hot cocoa place down the street." Santana offered.

"Oh, yeah, that sounds good." She replied, still slightly ruffled. "It's really cold. Hot cocoa sounds delicious." Santana nodded and grabbed her coat.

It was bitter cold outside. Brittany hugged her coat close to her body and walked alongside Santana in silence. The cocoa shop was only two blocks away but they were shivering and their teeth were chattering by the time they got there.

"Two white hot cocoas." Santana ordered. The two warmed themselves in a booth while they waited. Brittany was preoccupied with Dave's sudden admittance of love. They hadn't set a date yet because David was going on a small tour with one of his dance groups for two weeks. He made her promise that they would go as soon as he came back. Brittany was slightly glad for the distance. It gave her more time to think.

Their hot chocolates arrived and Brittany sipped hers. Her eyes lit up and she licked her lips.

"Good huh?" Santana asked. Brittany nodded enthusiastically.

"Amazing." Brittany concluded. Santana smiled at her and Brittany's cheeks turned a slight pink. She suddenly had a lot less to say. When Santana smiled, it was like her body was filled with warmth and Brittany wondered if it was because of the hot chocolate.

Santana watched as Brittany studied her surroundings. She could still feel herself wanting to drift away from this new girl but Quinn was right. She had to try to accept this new Brittany. Santana let out a small sigh, causing Brittany to look forward and gasp.

"San! It's snowing!" Santana's heart skipped a beat when she heard Brittany say her pet name. Brittany got up and quickly went outside. Santana followed. Outside, Brittany was laughing and twirling in the snow and the light from the shop illuminated the joy in her blue eyes.

Santana felt it. It was the death of her love for the old Brittany. It wrenched at her heart painfully as she watched.

Brittany looked over at Santana, the Latina's eyes sparkling with unshed tears. The words left her mouth before she could stop them.

"Smile, San. You look prettier when you smile."

It was like a fire had gone out. It had left only charred remains of the passion they once shared. Santana cried silently, her tears stinging her wind whipped face. Brittany made her way over. There were snowflakes on her long eyelashes and her breath came out in wisps. She studied Santana's shining eyes.

"Hey." She said softly. "It'll be ok." A laugh escaped Santana's dry throat.

"I'm the one who is supposed to say that to you." She said. Brittany reached out.

And Santana realized why she had been falling out of love with her. It was a purge. It wasn't out of fear, it wasn't because she didn't love Brittany anymore. Her heart was preparing her.

Brittany's hand touched Santana's.

In the ashes that the previous love left after burning out, a small ember remained. That ember was the start.

Snow covered Brittany's head, the light reflecting off of it, giving it almost a saintly glow. Santana could feel the gentleness of her gaze.

She'd fallen out of love with the old Brittany to fall in love with the new one.

A car drove towards them and they hurried out of the street. That moment ended but both of them felt that something had changed between them.

Nothing was outwardly different; they walked back in silence and bid each other an awkward goodnight. Santana still slept on the couch, Brittany still closed the door to the room. But the silence wasn't strained anymore, it was more settled. An unexpressed happiness passed between them and while the outside got colder and colder, they only got warmer with a mysterious growing feeling.

It was still the same distance; a wall, a hallways, a few feet of carpet. Mentally, it was leagues that the two had walked together, two decades of memories that only Santana remembered and so much more that separated the two. But it felt a lot closer than before.


	7. Snow

In the morning, after Brittany had gotten up, Santana was, as usual sitting at the table, reading the morning paper and sipping her coffee. But whatever had happened last night made Brittany feel a lot more comfortable. Santana had opened up to her and she couldn't help but approach her with a smile. When Santana noticed her presence, she smiled back.

"G'morning." Brittany mumbled shyly, as if she were concealing a small secret.

"Good morning." Santana replied. Brittany let out a small smile and exhaled. She got out cereal and Santana watched her with careful eyes. It was a routine movement, Brittany, the cereal, the milk, the spoon. She prepared it the same way, the cereal first, the milk, then the spoon. She brought it over to the table and dug in. Santana kept glancing at her over her paper, looking down every time Brittany looked up. But the blond noticed it eventually as Santana wasn't being particularly subtle. She began making faces. Santana snorted into her coffee, which in turn caused Brittany to crack up. Santana, after hacking for a while, turned it into laughing as well.

"So what are you up to today?" Santana asked.

"Nothing really. Dave is gone for the next two weeks so most of the classes were canceled. I only have one later this afternoon." Brittany replied.

"Well, do you mind if I drop by later and watch? I get out of work at 5. I can give you a ride back too."

"That'd be great!" Brittany replied. She flashed the Latina a bright smile and Santana found that she didn't want to go to work anymore.

* * *

"You've been incredibly unproductive. Things at home going well I take it?" Quinn said, entering her office. Santana twirled in her chair and smiled. Her cheerfulness was infectious and Quinn couldn't help but grin as well.

"Hey, I just won a big contract. And I've done more work this past week than you can handle for the next three." Santana defended. Quinn put her hand on her hips and Santana laughed. "I don't know, Q! Something's different!"

"Wow, that's...new." Quinn said tentatively. "What happened in the day that I left you two together. Are you back together?" Santana looked down at her desk.

"No. But...yesterday, in the snow, I felt something, Q."

"Cold?" Quinn said but she couldn't stop but let a laugh escape through her teeth.

"It was wonderful." Santana sighed, leaning back. "We got two hot cocoas from Bennie's. We played in the snow."

"You sound like a bunch of high schoolers." Quinn remarked. "A bunch of love sick high schoolers." The two of them looked at each other and burst into laughter. Outside, Quinn's secretary and an employee looked on, wondering what exactly could be so funny in the office. When they settled down, Santana folded her arms on the desk.

"Not love sick." She admitted. "But getting there. It's like I'm falling in love with her all over again, Quinn."

"Falling in love is a great feeling. Just don't let it go to your head. You still don't know how she feels. And you can bet your ass that David's not going to let her go without a fight. You know you can just fend him off by telling him to back away, right? She's legally your wife."

"I still want to know if she'll fall back in love with me." Santana said, the smile disappearing from her face. "I mean, it's such a good feeling, letting her fall freely. And David's gone for two weeks. I have time to bring this feeling to life. I know she feels it too, or she's beginning to. You weren't there, the way she looked at me...the tension between us..."

"That's a dangerous game you're playing." Quinn warned. "It's turned from making her happy into a...a challenge or something."

"No, I'm letting her fall in love with me. I want this to be real before I tell her." Quinn shook her head disapprovingly.

"You're taking a chance that I don't think you should take." She remarked.

"She'll fall back in love with me, I'm sure of it." Santana said. Quinn stood up and dusted her skirt off. She opened the door and cast a glance back at Santana.

"Well, you have two weeks without that slimeball hanging off of her. You're Santana Lopez, you can definitely make her fall back in love with you in two weeks."

* * *

Santana went to Brittany's dance studio early. It had begun snowing again so she left at three to avoid the inevitable snow storm. Brittany was on the inside, stretching with the kids. Santana entered the building, caught Brittany's eye and waved slightly. She'd forgotten how good Brittany was with the kids. They adored her to a startling degree. She'd always been gentle and patient and she loved teaching. They'd once talked about having a kid of their own but Santana declined and Brittany was perfectly happy imagining that her students were her kids. Santana's mother always bugged her every time they visited for holidays saying things like "we're old! We need grandkids to spoil with our retirement money!" and "your genes are too beautiful not to pass on!" Santana agreed on that last point. She did know that her genes were good and Brittany's were just as amazing.

To be honest though, Santana was mostly afraid of being a bad mother. She wasn't good at being affectionate, it took Brittany years to get her soften her up enough to cuddle or kiss or to feel something more than general disdain. And Brittany was a special case. She couldn't think of a single living human being that could've done, or could do what Brittany did. She wasn't sure if she was even capable of doing that with another human, even her own flesh and blood.

Well, there was always one case. She imagined her kid to be just like her, bossy, assertive. They'd probably butt heads so often that they'd need to be walled off just to make sure they didn't tear each other's hair out. Her kid would be a little terror and Santana knew it. It ran in the family. She saw pictures of her mother when she was younger and heard the stories from her grandmother about how her mother used to tear up the school and send all the little "chicos" running for their lives. Her mother, now significantly calmed down (though her father once incurred her old wrath and it was a moment he never wished to relive), regaled Santana every time they had dinner together about what she was like in her younger days.

"Do you remember Puck?" Her mother would ask. Santana would groan and Brittany would squeeze her hand under the table. "Oh goodness he was bad news. A hot piece of bad news but bad news. To think you used to run around with him."

"Oh god, ew mom." Santana said. "Please don't ever call my ex-boyfriend a hot piece of whatever." Brittany laughed.

"Well, Mrs. Lopez, you don't have anything to worry about now. First off, Puck's definitely calmed down. Second, I'm not letting him near Santana ever again." Her mother would smile at Brittany and serve her more food and then rant about how everyone on that side of the family only had girls the first time around and with each generation, the tempers got worse, and the girls got prettier.

No, Santana was pretty much sure she would take her biological kid and dump her at the nearest reform school within a few years and Brittany would probably pick her up. Brittany probably had enough love to give to the both of them. But Santana could see herself being overprotective and spoiling the kid if it came out of Brittany. She would probably love that kid like no tomorrow.

Santana got so lost in the thoughts about kids that she didn't even notice the parents come in. One by one, the students rushed off to their mothers or fathers. Some clung desperately to Brittany's leg, not wanting to go. It usually took both Brittany and the parents to pry the child off and they would leave with the kid wailing at the top of their lungs. At around 5, it was only Brittany and Santana in the studio.

"Hey." Brittany said. It was the first word she had said to Santana since she arrived.

"You ready to go?" Santana asked.

"Yeah."

On the way back, Brittany chatted about how a kid accidentally hit his head on the bar and how he started crying and accidentally punched another kid which, apparently, gave that kid a green light to throw a swing at the nearest person who wasn't crying. It soon dissolved into a punching fest.

"Like dominos!" Brittany explained, making large sweeping motions. Santana laughed she almost hit her in the shoulder and retracted quickly. "Sorry." The snow was really coming down and Santana was worried that they would be stuck in the middle of traffic. She couldn't really see anything and there was already at least two inches snow on the ground, making driving difficult. Luckily, they got back just as the worst of it started to come down. They got out of the car and advanced towards the door.

"Santana?" Brittany called out. Santana turned around.

"Wha-" She didn't finish. A giant snowball hit her right cheek, bursting into a brilliant mass of white that blinded her for a moment. The cold sunk in and she desperately wiped the snow off. When she regained vision, she saw Brittany doubled over in laughter.

"Oh you are so going to get it!" Santana yelled rushing towards her. Brittany squeaked and began running across the lawn outside their building. Their actions mimicked the kids also on the lawn, except they were much taller, much older, but just as goofy. Santana finally caught up to Brittany (which was odd since Brittany was so much faster than Santana, having incredibly long legs helped) and tackled her into the snow. They landed with a loud "omph!" and Santana took a handful of snow and shoved it right in Brittany's face.

"Take that!" She exclaimed proudly

"Ack! Ack stop! I surrender!" Brittany yelled and Santana rolled off, smirking when Brittany sat up, her face completely covered in snow. Brittany sputtered and wiped it all off, her face red from the cold.

"You look flushed there." Santana teased. Brittany frowned, grabbed a handful of snow and shoved it down Santana's shirt. "COLD!" Santana screamed and stood up which only made the snow slide down her pants. Brittany's laughter echoed between the buildings.

By the time they got inside, they were freezing and sopping wet. Brittany changed into pajamas and took a shower while Santana warmed herself up by the heater. She had a kettle on the stove and was planning on making tea. Brittany exited the bathroom and Santana's breath caught in her throat. She was wearing a bathrobe that cut low where she tied it and her hair was wet and incredibly sexy. She felt her face flush, but not from the heat coming from the radiator. She quickly stood up.

"Your turn." Brittany said. Santana closed her mouth and quickly went into the bathroom, locking herself inside. She sank along the door, trying steady her heart beat.

Outside, Brittany flipped through the channels but more than that, she felt restless. She couldn't stop smiling either. She and Santana had finally made a connection and she was beginning to see why they had been such good friends. She tucked her hair behind her ear and couldn't help but chuckle. Just as she touched the remote again, everything in the apartment went dark. She set the remote down and heard the water turn off. Santana came out, wrapped in a towel.

"What happened?" Santana asked.

"I didn't do anything." Brittany said, putting her hands up in defense. The only light they had came from outside and the gas stove. Santana went over and turned that off.

"Snow storm must've killed a power line or something." Santana said thoughtfully, looking outside. It was practically a blizzard. The heat had also gone away so Santana couldn't take the hot shower she was so looking forward to. Instead, she shivered. Because they had just gotten inside, the apartment wasn't all that warm. In fact, it was quite chilly and Santana was still freezing. Brittany looked over at her as her teeth chattered slightly.

"Hey, you ok?"

"Yeah, just need to throw some clothes on, maybe get a blanket." Santana replied. Brittany put her arm around her comfortingly.

"I'm warm." She said. Santana looked at her in the darkness. Even though light was minimal, her eyes seemed to glow as they bore right into the very depths of Santana's soul. Santana exhaled deeply. Brittany noticed the tension between them and quickly removed her arm, feeling rather embarrassed at the intensity. It took Santana a moment to realize that it had still been too much for Brittany to handle.

"Um...I'm...I'm going to turn in for the night if the power is going to be down. Not much to do." Brittany said. Santana nodded and laid down on the couch. Brittany quickly went into the bedroom and curled up. The two of them drifted off with the same exact thoughts in their head; the antics of the earlier day and the sudden closeness that seemed to spring up out of nowhere.

* * *

It was around 1:00am when Brittany awoke. The heat had still not come back on and the entire apartment was freezing. She looked over at the thermostat inside the house and noticed that it said 45 degrees. Even with the heavy comforter, she was still cold. Still slightly drowsy and nothing exactly thinking through things, she came up with a solution. She stood up and made her way over to the living room.

Santana lay on the couch, curled in a ball with the covers wrapped tightly around her. She was snoring slightly, a trait that Brittany found instantly comforting. She sat down and touched Santana's cheek. It was cold. Even if it was a light touch, Santana stirred.

"What...what...jeez it's like a freezer in here." Santana mumbled, turning over. "Brit?" Brittany rubbed her arms for warmth.

"It's cold, San. Can you...can you sleep in the bed?" Santana blinked, the words sinking into her head and making her wide awake.

"What?" She said.

"I mean, you don't have to. Sorry, it was...sorry for waking you." Brittany stood up and began walking away. Santana sat up, the covers falling down by her waist, exposing her body to the temperature. She began shivering in seconds.

"Wait." Santana said, getting up and wrapping the covers around her. "You're right. We'll both be warmer this way." She said. Brittany smiled and the two of them walked into the bedroom. Santana laid down. It was a strange sensation, sleeping in the bed she hadn't slept in since the incident started. The mattress wasn't lumpy like the couch was and it took a little bit of getting use to the comfort before Santana settled down.

_We're sleeping in the same bed again..._Santana thought. She lay perfectly still and straight as a plank, even though she tossed and turned in her sleep normally. But she wasn't asleep, she was wide awake and all too aware of the body less than a foot away from her. Brittany did not have the same problem. In moments her breathing evened out. It was warm under the comforters, startlingly so. Santana kept her distance and it was almost painful. They were so close together. Santana could've reached over and put her arms around her and cuddled with her. But it would've startled Brittany.

It took a while for Santana to fall asleep but soon her eyelids got heavy and she began nodding off. Soon she was snoring peacefully, the snow outside lightening up. In the darkness, with the light reflecting off of the untouched whiteness to illuminate their slumbering faces, the two of them slept more soundly than they had in a very long time. Under the covers, in a motion so familiar to them, that it happened instinctively and though neither of them noticed, or would remember in the morning, their pinkies touched and slowly linked together.


	8. The Calm

Santana awoke first. It was still dark out but she had gotten so used to waking up before dawn that she did so naturally. The first thing she noticed was that it looked like it had snowed at least three feet. She rubbed her eyes and then noticed the second thing. She was in bed with Brittany.

She almost leapt out of bed from shock. She sat up and looked at her, racking her brain for answers to why exactly they were in bed together. When she remembered, as she searched through the sleepy haze of the previous night, she relaxed a little, though not much. It was still damned cold and Santana quickly ducked back under the covers. She watched the back of Brittany's head and wondered what exactly she was going to do now. She reached out, wanting to touch her. Just as her fingertips brushed the back of her hair, Santana's phone went off, making Santana almost jump out of her skin. She rolled out of bed, curing at how the heater still wasn't working.

"How long does it take to fix this?" She hissed. She walked into the living room and picked up her phone. It was a call from Quinn.

"Fabray?" She asked.

"Don't come to work. The pipes froze and it's a huge watery mess this way." Quinn said sharply. Before Santana could respond, Quinn hung up. Santana went back to her room and Brittany, now wrapped up in the comforter like a caterpillar in a cocoon, poked her head out.

"'S cold." She mumbled. Santana laughed at just how cute the sight was. She crawled back into bed and Brittany threw the covers over her.

"I don't have work today. Pipes burst." Santana said. Brittany grinned.

"Me neither. Let's spend the day snowed in." She suggested. Santana nodded, wondering if they could even get out if they tried, if the doors hadn't been blocked by all the snow. Brittany's smile faded as sleep took her again and Santana followed suit.

They awoke a few hours later because the sun was practically blinding them in their sleep. They stirred awake at the same time and both realized that they were still in bed together.

"Morning." Brittany said with some measure of surprise. Santana yawned.

"Morning." She replied. Brittany slid out of bed and instantly wrapped her arms around herself.

"Do you know when they're going to get the heat fixed?" She asked. Santana shrugged and went into the closet to get a warm sleep robe for Brittany. Brittany took it gratefully and put it on. Santana found hers. Judging by the dead clock on the night stand, the power still hadn't come back on.

"I'll make some tea." Brittany said, exiting the room.

"Sounds good!" Santana shouted after her and then added, "Tea's in the upper right hand cupboard!"

"Got it!" Brittany yelled back. Santana's feet felt numb and she went to the drawers to get some of her socks. When she opened it, she fished around through Brittany's things and finally was able to find a pair of hers.

"Ah ha!" She exclaimed proudly and turned around to sit on the bed to put the warm fuzzy socks on. She promptly stopped and whirled back around. She opened the drawer again. Her things were once again mixed in with Brittany's; socks, bras, underwear. Santana looked at the door where she could hear the gas stove click to light on. Not too long ago, their things were clearly separated, with even an inch of space to divide their things. It was truly a testament to how close and how fast they'd come together again.

Just thinking about it brought a smile to Santana's face and warmth filled her to her fingers and toes. Just for good measure though, she still wore the socks even though it could've been summer for all she cared. She actually sat on the bed with the goofiest grin plastered on her face until Brittany walked in with two mugs.

"Here you go! I chose earl grey because it sounds cool." Brittany said, grinning. Santana took her mug and just looked at it. It was _her_ mug. It was the mug the old Brittany always brought her.

"Thanks." She whispered.

"So...I was thinking...Quinn only showed me part of the town and David and I only walked maybe a couple of blocks more. How about you show me around? I want the 'Santana tour'." Brittany suggested. Santana's mind raced. She tried her best to come up with the best places to show Brittany. When they were together, back before the accident, they didn't really explore the town. They mostly stayed indoors, usually watched some television. On the odd occasion, they ventured outside but mostly for walks and they didn't really pay attention to their surroundings. She couldn't think of anything to do with Brittany.

"I don't know the city that well." She admitted. Brittany was not deterred.

"Great! Then you and I can both explore right? It'll be a new experience for us both!" Brittany looked just so excited that Santana caught some of it as well. She had a point, they would both be learning something new.

"Ok." Santana said, breaking into a grin. Brittany grinned and sat down next to her, chattering on about what she wanted to do.

The two of them bundled up and went outside in the snow. People were frantically plowing the streets, sidewalks and driveways. Brittany jumped into the snow as soon as she got outside.

"Come on, San!" Brittany chided. Santana frowned under her scarf. She hated the cold. She hated the snow. Jumping in was sure to get her socks wet.

"Come on!" Brittany insisted. Santana looked at the blond and blue eager eyes stared back expectantly. Santana suddenly realized that if David were in this situation, no matter how much he disliked the cold, he would do anything for her. Santana hated comparing herself to him, but in this case, she would take a leaf out of his book and do whatever it was Brittany wanted her to do.

Santana jumped into the snow and Brittany grinned over her collar. She turned on her heel and trudged on. Santana was right. Slush made its way down her boots, making her socks wet and her toes cold. She cursed and looked up.

"Let's go!" Brittany encouraged again.

"I'm coming!" Santana shouted. She decided that even if it gave her frostbite, she would do whatever it took to get Brittany back.

They found their way into the city and wandered around. Because of the blizzard, many of the shops were closed simply because their owners couldn't reach the shop. The two of them found a few that managed to be open, a yarn show, which reminded Santana of Rachel Berry and her horrid sweaters, an instrument shop, which they got kicked out of after Santana irritated the store owner for not letting them sing, and an electronics shop (Brittany: "How does this work?")

Most of the day they looked around. They were on one of the main financial streets when Brittany saw a small boutique perched on the corner, looking out of place among the towering giant buildings around it. The shop was only two floors and tucked away to the point where the only thing that made it visible were the bright colors adorning the exterior. The instant Brittany pointed it out, Santana remembered it. It was the place where she'd bought the engagement ring. Brittany skipped inside and looked around. There were beautiful sweaters and pants in the back and that's where Brittany went. Santana walked in with more hesitation. She hoped the store owner wasn't there, or didn't recognize her. But there he was, sitting behind the counter reading the morning newspaper. Santana ducked behind a manikin and wondered how she was going to get out of the situation. The man might not recognize Brittany, she'd never set foot in the store before, but he was sure going to recognize the woman who dropped more than $8000 on an engagement ring. She waved at Brittany who was busy trying on feathered hats.

"San! Do you think this looks good!" Santana made frantic motions at her to shut up but the store owner heard her and walked over. Brittany was admiring a ring in the case.

"I had a client once who bought something like that." He said, following her gaze to one of the prettier pieces. "Most gorgeous ring I'd ever made. Half platinum, half gold and one of the most beautiful diamonds I'd ever bought." Santana sucked in her breath. The man was describing her ring.

"Who bought it?" Brittany asked. Santana closed her eyes and prayed that the store owner wouldn't say her name.

"A woman. She bought it for her fiancee. She was kind of standoff-ish but I've never seen a woman more in love. She practically glowed when I gave the ring to her." Santana felt a lump form in her throat. She remembered just how happy she was, how restless she had been that previous night. She had plotted everything out to the second, the dinner, the walk, the proposal. When Brittany said "yes" it was like all of her dreams came true at once and she never wanted anything else in the world.

_When did I forget that feeling?_ She wondered, thinking back to her irrational jealous before Brittany ran away. Those were the feelings that destroyed the relationship before. Looking back, those feelings were unfounded. David posed no threat to her. But she was still so insecure that she didn't trust Brittany. _Brittany_ of all people.

"Never again." She whispered aloud and turned her attention back to Brittany. The blond thanked the store owner and walked around a little. Eventually, she went back to Santana.

"I'm done." She said. Together, they walked out of the shop and back into the brilliant white world.

* * *

It was a relaxing day for Quinn Fabray. Apart from the office fiasco, she had spent most of the day at home. But her fridge was getting dangerously empty and she decided it would be best to get groceries when she had the time.

The grocery shop was about five miles away from where she lived. She took her car and drove down the road towards it. She looked at the side of the road every now and again, noting just how deep the snow was. It was exactly the kind of day Santana detested and exactly the kind of day Brittany loved. The two were opposites and Quinn was always curious as to how the two got along so well. Brittany was day, Santana was night. She thought about it for a little while and almost missed two people playing in the snow. They weren't just any two people and when Quinn caught a glimpse of their faces, she almost ran into the car in front of her. She drove slowly, allowing the cars to pass her.

It was Brittany and Santana. She almost didn't recognize them because it seemed so absurd to see Santana chasing after Brittany in a fashion that she thought only kids exhibited. But there the Latina was, arms raised like a monster, no doubt roaring as well while Brittany, mouth open in laughter, ran away, glancing back every now and again. Quinn watched them for a few seconds while her car rolled by. They didn't seem to notice her, they were too engrossed in each other. And Quinn realized why she'd never really thought it was strange that Brittany and Santana were together. They simply complemented each other.

* * *

The two got back late that evening. They spent the entire day out, ate at a local pizza joint and returned home in time to take a shower and head to bed. The first thing Santana noticed when they walked in was that the heat was back on. The room was actually scorching and she quickly turned the thermostat down. Brittany walked in, hanging up her coat and putting her boots by the door.

"Do you mind if I go first? I'm pretty sure I'm more soaked than you after you nailed me three times in a row with those giant snowballs." Brittany stated, her face completely red.

"Go ahead." Santana said, undoing her scarf and hanging it beside Brittany's coat. Brittany nodded and walked into the bathroom. Santana in the mean time sat down on the couch after stripping herself of her snow pants. She thought, with a slight pang of regret, that because the heat was back on, she'd have to go back to sleeping on the couch. Sleeping in the same bed as Brittany was like a drug. She was hooked and she knew she wouldn't be able to go back to sleeping by herself. Her eyes slowly drifted as she listened to the steady beat of the shower on the walls.

When Brittany walked out of the shower, she heard snoring and saw Santana sleeping on the couch, still in her clothes from the day. Brittany knew it must've been cold and damp sleeping in them so she quickly walked over to Santana and shook her.

"Hey, hey wake up." She said. Santana mumbled something angrily and rolled over. Not one to be discouraged, she shook Santana harder. "Hey, wake up!"

"What?" Santana growled. Despite her grouchiness, Brittany found it endearing.

"You have to take a shower or something. You're going to freeze like that."

"Don't care." Santana muttered.

"Come on, at least change out of those clothes!" Brittany said. Santana started snoring again. Brittany was sure that Santana was going to catch a cold if she didn't switch into something warmer, no matter how high the thermostat was. She made a quick decision and went into the bedroom. There she picked out Santana's warmest looking pajamas and returned to the living room. Without any hesitation, she hoisted her up into a seated position.

"What?" Santana demanded. Brittany grabbed at the hem of Santana's shirt and lifted it up and over her head, effectively turning it inside out. Santana was too asleep to notice and she merely flopped back down. Brittany stopped for a moment and looked at her half naked body. She had the urge to run her fingers along Santana's smooth, toned stomach but instantly blushed and turned away when the thought crossed her mind. She shook her head, trying to get rid of it and resumed the task of getting Santana into warmer clothes. She lifted Santana again into the seated position and unhooked her bra, mentally fighting to urge to glance down at Santana's breasts. She slipped her into her warm cashmere night shirt and set her back down. She undid her jeans and hosted them down, again deliberately staring at just her ankles as she put on her sweatpants. When Santana was properly clothed, she got the blanket resting on the loveseat and tucked Santana in. The brunette mumbled cutely and rolled into a curling position. The noise caused Brittany to grin.

"You're adorable, you know that?" She said, shaking her head slightly. Without thinking twice, she leaned down and gently placed a kiss on the side of her head. In the other room, she heard her new cellphone go off. It was the cellphone that she and Quinn picked out after visiting their service provider and explaining that she needed a new one because her old one had been dumped in a river. It wasn't anything fancy, just a simple cellphone with talk and text. She skipped into the bedroom and picked it up. It was a text message from David.

She almost forgotten about him. This text brought him back to the forefront of her mind. It said,

_Hey beautiful, just got off the stage, my group killed it out there! We'll be getting a lot of press. I should be getting home next Friday. You owe me a date so I'm thinking Saturday? Let me know! Love you._

Brittany smiled. It was such a loving text. David really felt something for her. She still felt a little strange, probably because she wished she could remember what her interactions with David were like before she had lost her memory but he was a nice guy and she needed a nice guy. She thought about it for a moment. It certainly couldn't hurt. She liked him, she thought. He'd been probably one of the sweetest people she'd met so far, even if she had only met a handful. She could see herself being comfortable with him. She didn't love him quite yet, not like how much he loved her but she wanted to try it. She quickly texted back a "yes" and changed into her sleepwear and settled into the blankets. It was odd and different in that bed that night. She was acutely aware that it wasn't as warm or as comfortable without Santana by her side. Just as she was drifting to sleep, her previous action registered in her brain for a split second before she succumbed to fatigue.

_Did I just kiss Santana...?_ The thought and memory were lost in an instant.


	9. Before

When Santana awoke, she first recognized the familiar pain in her neck. She blinked and looked around. Disappointment set in almost immediately when she realized that she was not sleeping next to Brittany that morning. She was back on the couch. She sat up, thankful that the heat was back on. She lifted up her blanket and looked down at her attire.

_When did I change?_She wondered. She lifted her shirt a little and peered down. No bra. Suddenly she remembered that Brittany had been the one who undressed her and she turned bright red. Brittany had taken off her clothes. She had seen her naked. Santana face altered like a blinking Christmas light, switching between fire engine red and ghostly pale. She buried her face into the blankets and whispered "oh my god, oh my god" several times over. She cursed at herself for feeling so embarrassed. The door opened and Brittany stepped out.

"Morning." She said to the woman on the couch as she made her way to the hallway bathroom. Her eyes were barely open and she couldn't see the petrified expression on Santana's face. Santana didn't know how to greet her. _Thank you for dressing me? Sorry you had to see me naked? Would you like to see me naked again? You've seen mine, let me see yours?_

Heat collected on her cheeks and, more distractingly, below the belt. Santana became aware of the disturbing urge to jump Brittany and it brought to attention the small fact that she had not gotten any since she fought with Brittany. That had been far too long ago. The second thing that flashed through her mind was that she was incredibly late for work. Yelling a stream of expletives, Santana jumped off the couch, tearing off her clothes in the process. Brittany walked out, hearing the commotion, toothbrush still in hand when a topless Santana ran by. She froze, eyes wide. Santana wasn't aware of how badly she had fried Brittany's brain. Her thoughts were preoccupied with getting to work as quickly as possible. With any luck, her boss wasn't in.

"I'll see you tonight!" Santana shouted, running out the door. Brittany stood for a whole minute more, the image of a half naked Santana still fresh in her mind.

* * *

Santana lucked out. Her boss had been trapped in a meeting for most of the morning. Quinn, however, was waiting for her like a predator. Her smile reminded Santana of one of those hyenas at the zoo right before feeding time.

"What's got you in such a good mood?" Santana asked warily. She unlocked her office and put her folder of potential clients down on the desk. Quinn followed and sat on her desk.

"Are you two back together yet? I saw you two out in the snow acting all couple-y. Please tell me you two are back together." She stated, almost leering at her.

"We're getting there, I think." Santana replied. "I think she doesn't quite know how she feels about me. She thinks we're good friends." Santana logged onto her computer.

"When is that going to change?" Quinn asked. Santana shrugged.

"It'll change when I tell her, I guess." Santana said, looking through her emails. Quinn slammed her hands on the table.

"Just tell her, Santana!"

"I'm waiting for the perfect moment. I can't just say over dinner, 'Hey B, I love you, pass the string beans.' It has to be right." Santana countered. "It has to be a moment she'll remember forever, even if she loses her memory again. I want something that will be with her until the day she dies. It has to be perfect." Quinn hopped off the desk and paced around her room.

"Hell with being perfect, Santana. You need to tell her before you lose her." Santana waved her hand.

"I'm not going to lose her, Q. Not again."

* * *

Brittany recovered her senses when her phone buzzed again. She picked it up and looked at it. It was another message from Dave.

_Hey gorgeous! Just thought I'd let you know that I miss seeing your pretty face! Love always, David._

Brittany smiled softly at her phone. It was cute. She looked outside at the snow. It was getting close to the holiday season. She remembered that much at least. She wondered what she and Santana were going to do. To be perfectly fair, she knew she was probably going to spend it with Dave. He would probably ask her out on a date that night and they'd probably do all the things that normal couples did. But the thought of Santana being alone on Christmas day made her chest hurt. She tried to think of a present for Santana.

They'd only become close again in the past few days. Brittany was glad it happened at all. She knew how difficult it must've been for Santana to lose her best friend. She owed a lot to her, for her being patient, for her taking her out and making sure she was comfortable. She felt like she needed to get something special for her as a present. She bit her lip and tried to think about what to get. Socks? Too bland. A new bathrobe? Santana would scoff since her old one didn't look that old. The question plagued Brittany's mind for the whole day. She spent most of it texting David, enjoying their flirty banter. It felt good to be wanted. He made her smile and laugh. And that was how it was supposed to be, right?

When Santana came home, she was exhausted as per usual. She lay down on the couch where Brittany was sitting, watching a move on TV.

"Rough day?" Brittany asked.

"Clients, you can't satisfy them." Santana huffed.

"That's what she said." Brittany giggled. Santana groaned at the joke and closed her eyes. The blond smiled and ran her fingers through Santana's hair absentmindedly, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Meanwhile, every nerve on Santana's body stood on end at each stroke.

"We should do something fun this weekend." Brittany said. Santana didn't respond. She instead savored the feeling on Brittany's hands and fingers tangling in her hair. She shivered.

"Are you cold?" Brittany asked. Rather than tell her that it was her fingers that were making her whole body shiver, Santana nodded. Brittany stood up and Santana almost let out a small whine when she stopped scratching her head. Brittany reached over the couch and grabbed a blanket, tossing it over Santana.

"I can turn up the heat too if you want." Brittany offered. Santana stubbornly shook her head. Brittany returned to playing with Santana's hair. They watched random things on television until Brittany began to get sleeping. She got up and Santana settled into her usual position.

"You coming?" Brittany asked. Santana rolled over and looked at her, puzzled.

"Where?" She asked.

"To bed." Brittany clarified. Santana just stared blankly at her. "I'm not stupid, San. I'm pretty sure we share a bed. I took a nap on that couch today and woke up with the worst headache that I can remember...not that that's much but still. Come on." Brittany motioned for her to follow. Santana stood up in a daze. She wasn't sure if Brittany had worked it out, or if she was being nice. Did she figure it out that they were more than just friends?

"I mean, it's no big deal to me. We're best friends, yeah?" Brittany shrugged. Santana's shoulder dropped. _They're just words._ Santana thought. _There's no way they could hurt that much._ But the phrase "best friend" instead of "lover" or "wife" played over and over again in her head and they cut deeply into her already hurting soul. The two of them got into bed, Santana still feeling kind of numb. They maintained the distance between them and Brittany fell asleep quickly. Santana rolled onto her side and watched Brittany's face.

"I miss you." She whispered. She closed her eyes and turned around. Right after she started dreaming, Brittany whispered in her sleep,

"I'm right here."

* * *

That was the end of Santana sleeping on the couch. From then on they slept in the same bed. They kept the distance between them but Santana didn't even care. She was just happy to have Brittany so close to her again. The week passed by with Santana and Brittany both preoccupied with work. They'd come home, have a beer or two and hang out and it reminded Santana of the days in high school before they first kissed. It was, Santana thought, painfully like freshman year. Back then, it was a Jones soda, a movie and enough sexual tension to drown a small child.

Now there was enough sexual tension on Santana's end to drown a line backer. She half expected to jump Brittany after the first beer. It was the following Tuesday and neither of them should've been drinking but Santana broke out the expensive whiskey, feeling the need to drink something heavier and before the two of them knew it, they had finished half the bottle and Santana was very, very horny. She held back though, knowing that she was no longer dealing with promiscuous take-whatever-comes-her-way Brittany. She was dealing with a mature, collected, if sometimes goofy woman. It still amazed her sometimes how much Brittany had grown since graduating.

Santana hated herself for still feeling like a high schooler wanting to make out with the cute girl beside her.

Brittany's head spun. Alcohol was apparently not her strong point and it coursed through her system. The world slipped in and out of focus. She knew she was drunk. She looked over at Santana and licked her lips.

"Hey, San." She said drunkenly. Santana turned her head. When she saw Brittany swaying and slurring, she knew she was in trouble.

"Jeez, B." Santana sighed. "No more for you." She grabbed the bottle and tried to yank it away but Brittany held on and fell into Santana's lap. The Latina froze as the blond looked up. Blue eyes met brown ones and held steady.

"You're really pretty, San." Brittany slurred. "Why don't you have a boyfriend?" Santana watched her reach up and stroke her cheek. She closed her eyes at the contact and caught her hand.

"Brit..." She whispered. Her heart pounded against her chest. She knew what was about to happen. She knew that it was a bad idea. She knew Brittany wasn't going to remember it in the morning; she never remembered the events of the previous night if she had gotten drunk, that's just how her mind reacted to alcohol. Santana opened her eyes and met Brittany's gaze again. They leaned together.

Santana's cellphone went off, startling them both. Santana cursed and got off the couch to answer it. It was her boss.

"Hello?"

"Santana! Good! Listen, I was hoping you could come in Saturday. Yeah, this Saturday." Her boss said. "I have a conference meeting across town and I meant to talk to the client at the same time. Could you cover me during the day?" Santana looked at the calendar to see if she had any plans. She was surprised to see that it was still on two months ago. Apparently they had not changed the calender since then. She tore off two pages and looked at the day her boss was referring to. When she found it, her heart dropped. That day, that Saturday was the night she had told Brittany that she loved her. It was also that day, 8 years later, that she had told Brittany she wanted to marry her.

"Santana?" Her boss asked.

"Yeah." Santana shook her head, ridding herself of her trance. "I can cover it during the day."

"Thanks! You're a life saver!" He hung up and Santana set the phone down. She looked back at the couch. Brittany had already passed out and Santana was slightly relieved. She wasn't sure she was ready to deal with the consequences of kissing Brittany just yet. Like she had told Quinn, she wanted it to be perfect. She turned her attention back to the calendar. Maybe she had just found the perfect opportunity. She picked up the pencil and erased the "anniversary of our love" that was written on that date. When any trace of it was gone, she stood back and thought, a plan forming in her mind. That was when she was going to tell her. That Saturday she was going to confess to Brittany that she loved her.


	10. The Storm

Author's note: I'm just going to leave this here...and run. Song is Mr. Brightside by the Killers.

* * *

Quinn had a schedule. She got up at 6:00. She brushed her teeth, made coffee and cooked breakfast. She usually picked out clean clothes from her closet but if she was feeling particularly rebellious that day, she wore clothes from the drawer, the "business casual" drawer. She, if she had time, checked her email and was out the door. Today she hung back a little when she saw the subject of one particular email.

_Subject: My Hazel-Eyed Fairy_

_Hey pretty eyes, expect a call._

_Jeff_.

Quinn smiled shyly. Jeff was a man she had met on one of her business trips. After the disaster that was Puck, the awkward mess that was Sam and the idiotic hulk that was Finn, Quinn had all but given up on men. She'd dated casually in college but until Jeff, had never really experienced anything serious. The message didn't say when to expect the call so Quinn decided to leave her phone on. Just as she walked out the door, her phone buzzed.

"Good morning my hazel eyed princess." Jeff said charmingly.

"Good morning." Quinn replied. "I'm on my way to work."

"I won't keep you." He promised. "How...what are you doing this Saturday? I was hoping to drive up and take you out." Quinn beamed as she walked out the elevator. Two old ladies passed her and looked her up and down, giving her an approving smile. She faintly heard one of them say to the other,

"If only my granddaughter wore something like that, she'd be radiant!" She nodded hello to the doorman who opened the door for her and flashed her a white smile as she walked on past.

"That sounds..." Just as she was about to agree to a date, her phone buzzed again. She looked down at the name of the person calling. It said "Satan Lopez." Every time she saw that, she couldn't help but grin. She'd meant to change it since high school but every time she got around to it, a sense of nostalgia hit her and she couldn't bring herself to do it. So Santana stayed "Satan" in Quinn's phone.

"Sorry Jeff, let me call you right back." She hung up on him and shook her head. Whatever Santana was calling about, it must've been important. She hit the button for "Satan."

"Hell-"

"I found the perfect moment." Santana cut her off.

"Good morning Satan."

"What? Nevermind, Q, I found the perfect moment to tell Brittany that I love her." Quinn cocked an eyebrow as she unlocked the door to her car. She looked at her watch. It was already later than she would've liked. Now Santana was raving like a madman. But, she concluded, it was better to do it over the phone than at the office, which was the only other option.

"San, I was in the middle of talking to Jeff."

"Yeah?" Quinn could hear slight amusement in Santana's voice. "How is he? Are his balls still shoved up his ass from the last beating I gave him?" Quinn groaned and rubbed her forehead. She remembered that incident very well.

"You still need to apologize. He was defending your honor."

"By grabbing my boobs?"

"Your bikini came off." Quinn pointed out. Santana didn't relent.

"Boob grab." She countered.

"Look, as much as I enjoy our oh-so meaningful conversations, what do you want?" Quinn started her car.

"I need you to help me out Saturday. This Saturday." Santana requested. Quinn almost floored it into the car in front of her upon hearing that.

"Oh no. No, no. I am doing something with Jeff on Saturday." She said.

"Please? It's my only chance to tell her!" Santana pleaded.

"Bull shit. You can tell her now. You can tell her over dinner. You can tell her whenever. Why does it have to be Satur..." Quinn stopped in mid sentence just as her car rolled up to a red light. She remembered it well but she checked her watch just in case. Santana noticed the pause.

"Do you know now?" Santana asked. Quinn bit her lip. She didn't want to choose between Jeff and Santana.

"Can't it be earlier?" She asked, knowing the answer.

"Quinn, I need you to help me. I can't do it alone." Quinn pressed on the gas pedal as the light turned green again. She hated choosing. She loved Jeff more than anything but Brittany and Santana...well, they were...

"Fine. But you owe me big, Lopez." Quinn replied. Jeff would have to wait. She needed to get her two best friends back together.

* * *

David sat in the green room, stretching his legs. He couldn't stop thinking about Saturday, where to take Brittany, what to say to her, how to dress. He was so distracted that his dance partner Erica prodded him for a full minute before he responded.

"What's got you in such a daze?" She asked. He shook his head and looked at her.

"What? Oh, sorry, just..." He smiled. "I have a date." His dance partner raised and eyebrow.

"Really? Does that mean you're finally over that Brittany girl?" She asked. David shook his head and laughed.

"It's the funniest thing." He replied. "I'm going on a date with her." Upon hearing this, Erica frowned and looked thoughtful for a moment.

"Wait, isn't she married?" She asked. David scratched his head thoughtfully.

"Well, yeah...but..."

"She's not divorced?"

"No...but..." Erica hit the back of his head.

"What are you doing messing with another man's woman?" She demanded. David let out a yelp and stood up.

"Not another man's woman, another woman's woman!" He corrected. Erica was taken aback for a second before resuming her angry state. She advanced on him.

"Doesn't matter. She's someone else's girl. You don't mess with other people's women." She hissed. David put up his hands.

"It's a long story, ok? And I love her. So what does it matter that she's someone else's? We're meant to be, Erica. I don't expect you to understand or approve of it. I just...I really, really love her." Erica rolled her lip in disgust.

"I hate men like you." She snarled and walked out of the green room. David sighed and sat back down, resuming his stretching. He knew it wasn't right. He knew that legally, she was still married to Santana. He let out a hiss just thinking about Santana. He couldn't see why Brittany had been so enamored with her. She was bossy, condescending and cocky. Brittany was the exact opposite, there was no way they could've been together that long.

"And she's lying to her." He said aloud as if trying to convince someone other than himself. He shook his head. It didn't matter, he had a date. She wound up picking him and that's all that really mattered to him.

* * *

It was night early, Santana decided as she looked out at the full moon. She lay in bed, facing the window with Brittany reading a book next to her. She closed her eyes and tried to fall asleep.

"Hey San?" Brittany asked. Santana opened her eyes.

"Hmm?"

"Do you think that we have soulmates?" She asked. Santana rolled over to look at her.

"What brought that on?" She inquired. Brittany closed her book and set it down.

"Well, this story actually." She replied. "In it, the main character's talking about soulmates and how we only have one in our lives and we could spend our whole lives looking for the other person and never find them." Brittany turned to look at Santana. "Do you believe that?"

"Psh." Santana scoffed. "Not for a second. All that 'soulmate' crap is just a literary device. I think you find someone that you really like and you stick with them." Brittany's eyes turned down.

"Oh." She said quietly. "Ok. Well, um...good night." Santana stared at her.

"Do you?" She asked.

"I don't know. Maybe you're right. Maybe we find someone we like and we just stick with them."

"I didn't say that." Santana defended. "I mean...I mean you find someone that you fall in love with and you stay with them because you love them." Santana suddenly had a flashback to when Brittany asked the same question when they were in high school and how she had said the same exact thing.

"Do you believe in love at first sight then?" Brittany continued. Santana looked Brittany straight in the eyes. Her mouth opened to say something but no words came out. A thousand of them swam in her head, mixed in with each other, making it hard for Santana to sort them out. Had it been love at first sight with Brittany? She wondered if it was. They'd certainly been best friends since moment one but did she ever feel that spark the instant she saw that blond girl in kindergarten?

"Ok. Good night." Brittany said. She turned off the lights and went to sleep. By the time Santana worked it out, Brittany couldn't hear her. She reached over and brushed her hair from her shoulders.

"Yes. I do believe in love at first sight." She replied. "Night..."

The rest of the week rolled by slowly. Santana scribbled down notes at work about how the entire scenario was going to play out. She was going to string up Christmas lights everywhere, creating the atmosphere. She ordered yellow daisies for Brittany. She was going to be there and Quinn was going to drive Brittany over. She imagined the look on Brittany's face when she saw the entire area set up just for her. And then she would gather the blond in her arms and say directly to her face that she loved her.

The entire week Santana planned, completely unaware that Brittany was also making plans for that day. Brittany kept texting David and soon they had their date planned out. When Saturday rolled around, Santana got out of bed early to start buying what she needed to make the night more memorable than anything Brittany ever remembered not that it was much. Brittany woke up just as Santana was walking out the door.

"Hey San?" She asked. The blond bit her lip. She wanted to tell Santana about her date that night.

"Yeah?" Santana asked.

"You busy today?" Brittany asked. She wanted to spend the day with her, chatting. She wanted to tell Santana about David, to get her opinion.

"Yeah, kinda." Santana replied. Brittany's shoulders sagged.

"Oh."

"Something wrong?"

"No." Brittany shook her head and put on a smile. "You go do what you need to." She waved her off. Santana nodded and went out the door. Brittany sat on the couch and looked out the window. It was going to be freezing tonight and there was still snow on the ground. She wrapped herself up in a blanket and waited. She watched TV, finished her book and cleaned around the house. By mid afternoon, she got a call from David confirming their date at 6. Brittany naturally agreed. When she hung up the phone however, she couldn't help but feel nervous. She couldn't remember going on any dates. She didn't remember how it went. She wished Santana were home to comfort her, to assure her that the date was going to be just fine. She sighed and rested her chin on her knees. Things were so much easier with Santana around but the woman was always so busy. She didn't make any time for herself. She wanted Santana to slow down, to tell her that she didn't need to work so hard or be so perfect. Things would be just as good if she made a mistake, showed up to work late or left on time. More importantly, she wanted to see Santana happy. The woman worked so hard that she didn't have any time for a social life.

"You're going to end up old and alone." Brittany whispered. "I don't want that." And then it struck Brittany what to get Santana for Christmas. Santana wasn't going to be alone, she was going to have a puppy. Excited, Brittany ran over to the computer to start looking up puppies. It was the perfect Christmas present. The puppy could keep Santana company and she wouldn't have to be alone. Brittany spent a good hour cooing over pictures of corgis, labs and retrievers trying to pick out the perfect one for Santana. When she looked at the time again, she realized it was time to start preparing for her date.

She went into her room to try and find something suitable to wear and decided on a yellow dress she found in the closet. When she put it on, it made her feel happy and she wondered if it was a past feeling that was buried along with the rest of her memories. She twirled around in it and nodded. It seemed right. She put on a light layer of makeup and studied her features in the mirror. She wished she could remember getting to that age. She wanted to know what she had experienced. She wanted anything that could help her on her date, any lingering feelings, any memories that would tell her how to act or how to feel. But her mind came up with nothing and she sighed. She'd have to do this for the first time. When the doorbell rang with David on the other side holding a bouquet of roses, she smiled and accepted them and it began.

* * *

Santana looked at her handiwork. It was perfect. She couldn't imagine anything less for Brittany. The lights illuminated the area and Santana had a rose for her sitting in the car. There were wind chimes on the tree that pealed lightly every time the wind picked up. She would confess to Brittany here, at this time, this day. It was the same day she'd initially confessed. It was the same day they got engaged. And now, it was going to be their first day all over again.

She imagined the smile on Brittany's face, the moment they leaned in for the kiss that sealed their love. Santana would have Brittany again and all would be well with the world.

It had been such a long journey, she thought. Brittany had lost her memory and it had taken such a long time for Santana to be able to say to her that she loved her. But she was ready now. She wasn't going to stand idly by watching Brittany go through life without knowing one of the most important things that Santana could tell her. She stood by the water and looked down at the frozen river. Her heart raced with the idea that Brittany would finally be hers. She took out her phone and looked at the time. It was around 8 and it was time. She dialed Brittany's number.

"Hello?" Brittany's voice came through on the other end.

"Hey, B."

"Oh hey, San! Everything ok?" Brittany asked.

"Yeah. Hey, are you busy right now?"

"Right now?" Brittany asked with some hesitation in her voice. "Well, I...I'm a little busy I guess." Santana wasn't discouraged.

"When will you be free? I mean, I can be here all night. Are you at work?"

"No...um...I...stop that!" the last part made the pit of Santana's stomach turn. Brittany was talking to someone else and she heard laughter. Despite the deep voice, Santana hoped. She hoped it was Quinn, Tina, hell she'd even take Puck. Anyone but...

"Dave! You know I'm ticklish!" Santana's mouth went dry.

"We're almost at my place. Tell her you're busy for the night. You're mine." Santana dropped her phone on the ground. She looked around as if the answers were going to come from midair. Her mouth was open in a silent "why". The phone clicked off and Santana was left with nothing but silence and the sound of wind chimes. The soft clinking of glass mimicked the breaking of Santana's fragile heart.

* * *

David wasn't a bad guy. He was so polite throughout the date. He was utterly perfect. He took her coat, pulled out her chair, and held doors. An old lady approached them during the night and said,

"You two make a beautiful couple." David beamed and thanked her. The two of them chatted pleasantly. He never failed to make her smile. Brittany laughed at all of his jokes, that was what she was supposed to do after all.

After dinner, at around 7:15, they went for a walk along the river. The water was frozen and David took her on the ice to skate. She kidded along, laughing when David stumbled. She helped him to his feet.

"Despite that," he said, gesturing to the ice where he had fallen. "This has been the best night of my fucking life." He took Brittany's hand and laced their fingers together. Though his hands were big and his gloves thick, so much so that it was uncomfortable to hold his hand, Brittany let him. It was what she was supposed to do.

When they got back to his car, he kissed her. She was surprised and almost pulled away but she was pinned between him and the car. She overcame her surprise and kissed back. They stood in the cold, lips pressed together, tongues darting against one another until he pulled away.

"Let's go back to my place." He whispered huskily. Brittany knew what that meant. Even if she didn't remember much else, she knew that. Her heart pounded against her chest. She should say no. She should go home and tell Santana and they'd laugh about how David thought he was going to get lucky on the first date. But David urged her into the car and she sat in silence.

"I...I need..."

"A drink?" David asked and grinned at her. Brittany tried to smile back. He was sweet and she knew he wasn't kidding when he said that he loved her.

"Hey, David?" She whispered.

"Yeah?"

"Did...did I love you before the accident? I mean, we didn't date but did I love you?" David clenched his jaw and his grin shrank. He seemed disturbed by something. Then his eyes cleared and he coughed.

"I always thought you did." He said. "We had something...but I was always too shy to pursue it. And I think you were always being held back. But I had the feeling you loved me." Brittany remained silent and thought about his words. When Santana called, she picked up, spoke to her until David snatched her phone away and closed it.

"This it our date, whatever she has to say can wait." He said. Brittany nodded but she couldn't help but feel as though something was terribly wrong.

They arrived at his apartment shortly after. David opened the door to his place. It was neat for a boy's apartment. There were a few jackets casually thrown on the couch but it looked recently cleaned.

"Can I get you something to drink?" He asked.

"Yeah, anything." She replied. David disappeared into the kitchen. Brittany fumbled with her cellphone, sending a quick message to Santana.

"Is everything alright?" She typed. "I can leave now. Otherwise I'll be back first thing tomorrow morning." She sent it and waited. David came back with two glasses of champagne.

"Here you go." He said.

"Thanks." Brittany replied, taking it. David set the bottle down on the table between them. They both knew what was going to come of the night but David didn't know how to initiate it.

"You're not drinking." Brittany noted.

"Oh, yeah." He sipped his glass. Brittany finished three in the time he drank half of his. They chatted a little, Brittany commenting on his record and CD collection. He had a lot of music, most of it was because of dance but he was also an avid CD collector. They soon settled into a comfortable conversation.

"Would you like more?" David asked when she finished her third. She shook her head. "How about some music? I can put on the radio."

"I'd like that." She said. He got up and turned on his stereo system. The song came on and David walked over, his blue eyes shining in the dim light. He extended a hand to Brittany and lifted to her feet. He kissed her deeply.

_I'm coming out of my cage  
And I've been doing just fine  
Gotta gotta be down  
Because I want it all  
It started out with a kiss  
How did it end up like this  
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss. _

Santana sat at the table, realizing that everything she'd worked for was for naught. All of this...every small detail was worth nothing. Brittany had never told her about the date. Brittany had never let on that David had made his move.

"Stupid..." She whispered as tears of frustration welled up in her eyes. She folded her arms. The world was so much colder.

_Now I'm falling asleep  
And she's calling a cab  
While he's having a smoke  
And she's taking a drag  
Now they're going to bed  
And my stomach is sick  
And it's all in my head  
_

David guided her towards his bedroom. It was dimly lit with candles he had prepared just that minute. He had planned the entire night down to this. He wanted her and he was going to have her finally. Brittany felt her heart rate speed up as he moved towards her and grasped her arm. She looked up at him with slightly terrified eyes. Ignoring the expression on her face, he leaned down and kissed her firmly, his hands encircling her waist.

_But she's touching his—chest  
Now, he takes off her dress  
Now, let me go  
I just can't look its killing me  
And taking control._

Santana held the rose in her hand. The lights glimmered and snow began falling. Her tears were warm against her cheek.

"Hey Brit?" She whispered. "I wanted to tell you that I love you." Her eyes clouded. "You hear that? I love you." She smiled tragically and her body started shaking. It was just the cold, she told herself even though tears streamed down her face. She twirled the rose in her fingers. "I love you. I love you, Brittany. I love you." And she wished to God she had said those words earlier.

_Jealousy, turning saints into the sea  
__ Swimming through sick lullabies  
Choking on your alibis  
But it's just the price I pay  
Destiny is calling me  
Open up my eager eyes._

David lifted her dress over her head and kissed along her neck. Brittany placed one hand on the back of his neck and one in his hair. Her body trembled but she remained silent.

"He loves me." She thought. "This is right." His hands took hers and put them on his waist. He whispered soft "I love you"s in her ear. His hand grasped the clasp of her bra and fumbled. Brittany reached behind and helped him and he smiled awkwardly. He lifted his shirt over his head and tossed it onto the floor in a rumbled pile. He undid his jeans and slid out of them. She suddenly realized that there was only one more layer between him and her. He guided her down onto the bed and his finger tips toyed with the hem of her panties. She swallowed and nodded hesitantly. He slid them down her legs to join the rest of their clothes.

"Dave?" She whispered. Her voice shook.

"I'll be gentle." He promised, removing his boxers. He kissed her again, his hand guiding him into her. Brittany shut her eyes tightly against the pain. It was over fairly quickly. He collapsed above her, sweating and exhausted. He planted kisses on her neck and she brought herself to kiss his cheeks over and over again. He rolled over and smiled against her arm. Brittany leaned across the nightstand and blew out the candles.

_'Cause I'm Mr Brightside._

Santana leaned against the railing over the frozen river, holding the rose. With her free hand, she began pulling the petals off, letting them scatter to the wind and ice beneath her. The distant city lights and the pulsing Christmas lights behind her shone brightly despite the darkness Santana felt inside.

"She loves me." She plucked a petal.

"She loves me not." She plucked another one. It was a game most girls had played when they were little. Let the flower decide whether or not Brittany loved her. One by one they fell until she was left with just one. Her breath came out in a choked sob and she dropped the stem with a single petal on it, the message only so much more bitter. It landed right under the bridge and a strong gust pulled the remaining petal away and dashed it across the sky. _She loves me._

_ 'Cause I'm Mr Brightside._


	11. Knowing

Author's note: HOLY WOW. Seriously, where did all of you come from? That's kind of amazing. Here, have this chapter early (was going to post next week as per usual but damn...after that response you guys need it).

When Brittany awoke, she found herself staring into David's adoring blue eyes. She inhaled deeply and yawned, looking around. Last night _had_ happened.

"Morning gorgeous." David said, pressing his lips to hers. Brittany smiled.

"Morning." She replied.

"I was going to make you breakfast in bed...but I found myself staring at you and I couldn't stop." Brittany grinned sheepishly and sat up.

"Mm, breakfast in bed sounds good." She said sleepily. David kissed her on the forehead and got out of bed. Brittany averted her eyes after realizing that he was still naked. He tied a towel around his waist and hummed a random tune as he walked into the kitchen.

Brittany brought her knees up to her chest and the smile faded from her face. Last night had been...interesting. She honestly didn't anticipate that it would've gotten that far but she didn't know how to back out or say no. She liked him, definitely, but for some reason she imagined that his hands would be softer, that it would've lasted longer, that it wouldn't have been as frantic. It seemed like he was almost desperate to sleep with her.

_I guess that makes sense. He said he's been in love with me for a long time..._ Brittany reasoned. David poked his head through the door.

"Forgot to ask, how do you like your eggs?" He asked.

"Oh...um..." She didn't know. Santana had only ever made them over easy and she liked that a lot. "Over easy, I guess."

"Huh." David said. "Ok, I'll do my best." He said and walked back out. Brittany slid out of bed and put on her clothes, picking up the pieces as she went around the room. When she walked out, David presented her with a plate.

"I tried." He said. "Sorry, I broke the yolk." Brittany sat down at the table and looked down. The eggs were fully cooked and it looked more scrambled than anything else.

"It's fine." She said.

"Well, I'm making pancakes. I'm good at that!" He insisted. Brittany smiled and watched him pour the batter into the skillet. After it was done on one side, he flipped it using the pan and caught it in the air. Brittany clapped and David winked at her. When he finished there was a tall stack of them sitting steaming on a plate. He brought them over and served her the first one before he dug into his own. Brittany ate and watched him.

_I can get used to this._ She thought and took another sip of milk.

"Hey, don't forget, we have an extra class today." David said in between bites. "Some of the guys want to come over and practice."

"I didn't forget." Brittany replied. "It'll be fun." David grinned and looked down bashfully.

"Does that mean I get to call you my girlfriend now?" He asked. Brittany pondered it. For some reason the word sounded strange in her head but she didn't see any reason why he shouldn't. They were dating, they had slept together, it was the right word.

"I guess so." She replied. David pumped his fist in the air.

"Yes!" He said excitedly. Brittany shook her head, rolling her eyes jokingly. Her glance fell on her cellphone and she remembered the text message she had sent to Santana. She grabbed her phone and opened it, half expecting a message. When she didn't see any reply from Santana, she frowned and wondered if her roommate was ok.

"Hey, what's up?" David questioned, looking at the cellphone. Brittany shook her head.

"It's nothing." She replied. "Let's just finish eating so we can get there early and stretch." David winked at her.

"Stretch...I know how we can stretch..." He said mischievously. Brittany laughed but she couldn't help but glance at her phone, worried about Santana.

* * *

Ever since high school ended, Quinn found herself at theaters to watch performances. Some of her best friends in college went on to be local performers and they were always able to score her decent seats at whatever show they were in. Because she was pissed off at Santana for not calling her the previous night, which was the only reason she canceled her date with Jeff, she decided the best way to calm down was to go see a show. She was tempted, for a brief second, to go over to Santana's place, interrupt whatever "get back together sex" that she and Brittany were having just to kick Santana's ass.

So she watched the show from the front row. She'd texted her friend, playing a small part in the background as a dancer, and they were going out for drinks. She would rant about Santana and her friend would rant about the long trip she had just the past week. The show ended mid morning and she waited outside the green room.

"Hey!" Her friend Monica waved at her. Quinn waved back and gave her a hug.

"You were great, as usual." Quinn said.

"I hope you don't mind me bringing along a friend. She's just getting dressed." Monica said. Soon, a short blond girl with green eyes walked out.

"Hi, I'm Quinn." Quinn said, extending her hand out.

"I'm Erica, nice to meet you." They shook hands and Quinn gestured towards her car. They drove down to a nearby bar where most of the cast went after rehearsal. Quinn pulled her car into an empty spot and the three of them advanced on the door.

"So how was your trip?" Quinn asked as they sat down in a booth. The waiter brought over their menus and they perused through them. Quinn settled on a martini and fish and chips while the other two ordered cocktails and open faced sandwiches.

"Oh you know, ten people crammed into one van, no showers sometimes. Those guys can get really smelly." Monica said.

"I second that." Erica laughed.

"Anything interesting happen?" Quinn asked coyly. Monica shrugged.

"Not really. I mean, Tim and Jen hooked up again, then yelled at each other some more. Other than that, no real drama." Quinn smiled.

"Isn't that always better?" She said, thinking about Santana and Brittany.

"Most definitely." Monica nodded. "So how are you and Jeff?"

"We're doing fine. My friend yesterday, you know Santana, right? Well, she made me cancel my date with him to do some hair-brained scheme that she didn't even wind up needing me for!" Quinn sighed, taking a drink of her martini.

"That sucks." Erica said. Then her eyes lit up. "Oh! Oh, there is one more piece of gossip." Monica leaned in.

"Well?" She prodded.

"Dave went on a date last night." Erica said.

"Really? That's new." Monica said with some surprise. Erica's lip curled in disgust.

"Ugh, but he's an asshole." She said. "Ok, so get this. You remember that girl he's been talking about for like...ever, right?"

"Yeah." Monica responded. Quinn's eyes narrowed a little.

"Ok, well, he went on a date with her last night. She's married and here he is, swooping in and taking her away. How revolting is that?" Quinn clenched her jaw. They couldn't have been talking about...no...it was too much of a coincidence. She let out a deep breath.

"What was her name, do you remember?" Quinn asked quietly. Erica tilted her head thoughtfully and her mouth moved, trying to piece together what the woman's name was.

"B...um...Bet..."

"Brittany!" Monica interrupted. "Yeah, that's the girl." Quinn's hand fisted in her lap.

"And you're sure that they went on a date last night?" She continued. Erica nodded.

"Yeah, saw him leaving the theater early to pick her up and everything." Quinn's blood boiled with anger. She knew this was going to happen. She knew that Santana was an idiot for not saying anything to Brittany. She couldn't even eat anything or say anything to further conversations with the two. Multiple times the two asked if she was alright as she sat in her seat staring angrily. She dismissed it, telling them she just wasn't feeling well. By the end of the meal, the mood had turned sour and Quinn couldn't wait to get into her car and drive to Santana's place. She dropped the two back off at the theater, apologized for her behavior and sped off.

Quinn didn't even bother with the doorbell. She pounded on the door as hard as she could.

"Santana fucking Lopez! Open this goddamn door or I'm kicking it in!" She wailed on it to the point where neighbors poked their heads out to see what the commotion was. The door opened slowly and Quinn found herself staring at a disheveled Santana. She'd been up crying all night so her eyes were puffy and she sniffed when she saw Quinn. Quinn clenched her jaw and pushed Santana in the room.

"Q..." Santana didn't have a chance to speak further. Quinn let her hand fly and she slapped Santana across the face as hard as she could. When Santana turned her head back, Quinn was crying.

"You fucking _idiot._" She hissed. "What did I fucking tell you, huh? What did I say to you when you began this whole stupid lie? I told you, I told you that he was going to steal her away if you didn't say something. And now..."

"I don't want to hear it." Santana whispered.

"No, no you're going to hear everything I'm going to say." Santana pushed her.

"Go away." Quinn shoved her back with enough force to make her stumble and fall.

"You're a moron, Santana. You're a loser, you hear that? You know what you just lost? You just lost the fucking love of your life, that's what you lost. You said, 'I'm going to make her fall back in love with me' and 'I don't want to force her to love me'. That's why we didn't tell her about your marriage. I trusted you, I thought it was stupid but I also thought you wouldn't let it get this far. Now you've lost everything." Quinn's eyes overflowed with tears. Santana stared at the floor emptily.

"God...God help me." Quinn said, trying not to beat the crap out of Santana. "You just lost your _wife._ Do you even understand that? Can you get it through your thick skull? Why didn't you just tell her, huh? I canceled my fucking date for you. Do you know how often I get to see him? Do you?" Suddenly, Santana stood up and with a roar she grabbed Quinn's arms and slammed her against the wall. Pain exploded into Quinn's back and she stood, stunned by the sheer force Santana exerted.

"You think I don't know that?" Santana screamed. "You think I don't feel like shit because I just lost the love of my life? I KNOW OK? I know...I..." All the energy drained out of Santana and she let her arms fall down. Sobs wracked her body and her hair fell in front of her face. As Santana's brief moment of rage faded, so did Quinn's. She saw her best friend now crumpled in front of her, more broken than she'd been when she believed Brittany to be dead. She put her hand on Santana's shoulder. Santana collapsed in Quinn's arms and Quinn held her silently. There wasn't really anything she could say.

An hour later, they sat on her couch and Quinn held Santana's hand. Santana sniffed and looked up.

"What do I do, Quinn?" She whispered. Quinn sighed.

"I don't know."

"Everything was going so well. She didn't even...she didn't even tell me that she was going on a date with him."

"Well you didn't tell her you were married." Quinn shot back. Santana pulled her hand away and Quinn let out an apologetic sigh. She grabbed her hand again. "I'm sorry, Santana. I'm just...all of this could've been avoided."

"I still stand by what I did. If she's happy, then she's happy." Santana replied.

"You really don't believe that, do you?" Quinn demanded. "You really don't believe that she'd be happy. I mean, what are you going to do? Divorce her secretly?" Santana shrugged.

"I didn't...I didn't actually think she'd fall for someone besides me."

"You know what David did? He went for her. He didn't hesitate. The minute he perceived her as available, he jumped straight in." Quinn said. She stood up and pulled Santana to her feet. "It's not too late. Let's go."

"Where are we going?" Santana asked as Quinn dragged her to the door. Quinn turned around and smiled softly. She gripped Santana's hand firmly.

* * *

It happened too quickly for David to register. One minute he was doing a split on the floor to stretch his muscles, the next minute Santana came barreling towards him. It took a second for him to recognize her because her face was so twisted in rage and he didn't have time to react when she kneed him in the face so hard he fell back and hit his head against the hard wooden ground.

"SANTANA!" Quinn yelled, rushing over. Santana kicked him in the side as hard as he could and David felt blood start trickling from his nose. He stood up and Santana punched him in the face. Quinn wrapped her arms around the Latina to restrain her but nothing could stop her rampage. She broke free and kicked his shins. David collected his thoughts and put his hands up to fend off her attacks.

"YOU BASTARD!" She screamed, clawing at his face. Quinn tried to restrain her again.

"This is not what I meant when I said that we would deal with it!" Quinn shouted. David was blinded momentarily when her nails raked over his eyes.

"Santana!" Another voice rang out and all the commotion stopped. David lay curled up on the ground in a protective fetal position while the other dancers were in the middle of scrambling to intervene. Quinn held Santana using a bear hug from behind and they turned to face Brittany.

"What the hell is going on?" Brittany rushed over and helped David to his feet. He had several gashes on his cheek and his nose was bleeding profusely. He was still blinded and his eyes watered. "What is wrong with you?" Brittany demanded looking accusingly at Santana. Santana felt her stomach turn. It was the first time she'd seen Brittany since that fateful day. Her heart dropped and she went limp. Brittany touched David's face.

"You ok?" She asked and Santana felt sick. She broke away from Quinn and ran outside. Brittany looked over and saw her leave through the door and pursued.

"What is wrong with you?" Brittany shouted just as Santana's hand touched the door of Quinn's car. "Seriously, what is wrong with you?"

"Do you love him?" Santana said, completely ignoring her question. Brittany paused, taken aback by the sudden change of topic.

"What...what does that have to do with anything."

"Answer the question." Santana said. Brittany chewed her lip.

"No. I don't love him. I haven't had time to love him. I like him, yeah, sure..."

"When were you planning on telling me that you're dating him?" Santana demanded, turning towards her and walking forward.

"We went on our first date Saturday, San, we only just became official then!"

"Did you sleep with him?" Santana said, her eyes watering.

"Why do you care?"

"WHY HIM?" Santana closed the gap between them a little more. "Why? Explain to me what makes him so good?"

"Santana, what's wrong?" Brittany asked, reaching out to touch her. Santana slapped her hand away.

"Answer me!" Santana shouted.

"I don't know what's wrong with you, I like him. He's my boyfriend, he's nice, he's always been nice to me since day one. I don't see what the big deal is." Santana let out a hoarse laugh and turned away for a moment before facing back to her.

"Why didn't you tell me? Why did you keep it a secret?"

"San, it only happened..."

"Don't call me that! Not when you like him!" Santana ran her fingers through her hair and pulled. "Don't call me...you like him...how..." Her mind was slowly unraveling with all the information to process. She wanted to scream at the top of her lungs.

"He's my boyfriend, ok?"

"So you love him!" Santana accused, not really thinking about what she was saying.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Brittany shouted, her fists clenched in anger. "You call me up on Saturday and you're fine. And suddenly you come here and beat up David and then you're yelling at me and I don't know what's wrong with you!"

"You have no fucking idea what's wrong with me!" She cried. "You don't know anything!"

"Because you never tell me anything!" Brittany countered.

"You couldn't handle it! I thought I was doing the right thing for you! And now...now you're sleeping with him?"

"God, why does David matter so much to you? Just tell me..." Santana closed the remaining inches of space between them. She grabbed Brittany by the back of her neck and kissed her with tears still streaming down her cheeks so that the two of them could taste it on their lips. Santana pressed her lips so hard against Brittany's that she was sure it was going to bruise. She shut her eyes tightly and for a moment they stayed like that, with Brittany too shocked to say or do anything. Eventually, Santana pulled away and wiped her cheeks.

"There." Santana whispered. "You know. You...know." With that she turned on her heels and ran. Brittany stood there, looking at the pavement as Quinn brushed past her to chase after Santana in her car. That left Brittany all alone in the parking lot. She rooted to the spot for a while until one of the other dancers came outside and led her back into the studio. She lifted her head and stared down the sidewalk where Santana had bolted.

"Wait..." She whispered but she couldn't even see her silhouette in the distance.


	12. Come What May

Brittany looked at herself in the mirror. She looked absolutely divine. Her dress was tailor made, her gloves were trimmed with beautiful lace. Her lips were a light shade of red. She was surprised at how quickly time passed. Just a few years ago she was rooming with Santana. Now she was getting married. The door opened and her father stepped inside.

"Hey baby face." He said. "You ready?" Brittany turned around, the veil covering her face. Her lips, lined with a faint hint of red, parted in a nervous smile.

"I'm a little scared, dad." She admitted.

"I know you are. But you're happy aren't you?" He asked. Brittany thought of dark skin, dark hair and a smile that could light up a city. The thought alone renewed her bravery. She held her hand out to her father.

"I'm so happy, daddy." Together they walked out of the room.

It was a sunny, clear day, perfect for a wedding. Over 100 people sat in white, fold out chairs. The tent above them kept the sun out of their eyes. The glee members in the front sat solemnly. The knew what it meant for Brittany to get married. Everything was picturesque but a dark cloud loomed over the front row.

"I bet she looks beautiful." Rachel offered but everyone shushed her, casting a worried glance over their shoulders. Rachel huffed. "I'm just saying...and I'm not the one who designed her dress." She looked over at Kurt who put up his hands slightly.

"You try telling Brittany no, then we'll talk." He replied curtly. Finn raised his camera to take pictures of everything but Rachel forced his arm back down and shook her head angrily. He shrugged his shoulders sadly and put the camera away.

"I can't believe this." Mercedes snapped. "Seriously, we should all march up there and kick his ass." Just as she said it, the music swelled and everyone swung their heads.

Brittany and her father faced ahead. They walked steadily, letting the flower girl spread the petals at her own pace. Given that she was only seven, she awkwardly scattered the petals on the ground and Brittany felt the need to hurry up. But she held onto her father's arm to pace herself as she advanced on the altar. It was her future, after all, and there was no need to rush that. As they reached the end of the aisle, her father glanced at her one last time and handed her off. Brittany stared into dark blue eyes.

In the crowd, Santana Lopez watched. Quinn put a hand on her leg and she squeezed it, knowing it would do nothing to ease the pain. Santana's eyes glimmered with tears.

"Let's leave." Quinn suggested. Santana shook her head.

"No." She insisted. "It's the middle of their wedding. It'd be..." Her voice cracked and she had to take a moment to compose herself and her words. "Disrespectful." Quinn's eyes flared with rage.

"What's disrespectful is that slime bag! He took advantage of Brittany! He stole her from you!" Quinn hissed. Santana merely watched in silence, her hands folded tightly in her lap.

"Does anyone have any objections as to why these two should not get married?" The entire front row of glee members turned to face Santana who looked forward.

"Say something!" Quinn all but yelled.

"She's happy, Quinn, she's happy." Santana replied hollowly. Quinn wanted to punch her, or rush up and punch Dave, or both.

"If there are no objections, do you, Brittany Pierce, take this man as your lawful wedded husband until death do you part?" The priest asked. Brittany grinned.

"I do." She said. Quinn closed her eyes and lowered her head.

"You may now kiss the bride." Brittany and Dave leaned in and kissed each other deeply. It would've broken Santana's heart, but that had been broken years ago. Yet despite all of that, she wore the ring one day, hoping that maybe, just maybe putting it back on would magically bring the two back together. As the crowd cheered, the newly wedded couple turned to face them. Santana touched the ring on her left hand. She had planned to throw it away that night but when she saw it, with the initials carved into the metal, she couldn't bring herself to throw it away. Brittany laughed and looked around. Her eyes scanned the crowd, filled with people she loved and people she'd never seen before. She caught the eyes of Santana Lopez and her smile vanished completely. They held their gaze, with Santana staring emptily at the new bride. David pulled Brittany in for another kiss but Brittany did not break eye contact.

* * *

Santana awoke with a strangled cry. She clawed at her face and looked around frantically.

"Brittany." Her voice sounded mangled and choked. She expected, hoped to see Brittany next to her. Instead, Quinn's eyes flew open and she shot up.

"Santana!" She hissed. Santana took in her surroundings. She was not at her apartment, she was at Quinn's. And Brittany...Brittany was with David. Santana saw a clock glowing a soft blue on the wall to her left. It read 4:43. Outside it was still dark out. Santana, out of either relief or sadness collapsed into Quinn's open arms, shaking uncontrollably.

"It was just a dream, Santana." Quinn whispered, rubbing her back. Santana shook her head.

"What if it wasn't? What if it wasn't?"

* * *

Brittany's eyes opened slowly and she sat up, the sheets sliding off of her bare body. Her head pounded with a hangover from the previous night. She sat up and groaned. Her whole body hurt. She looked around in the dark and a snore alerted her to the figure sleeping next to her. It was David. Brittany pieced together the events of the previous night. She remembered driving David home. The force of Santana's attack resulted in a severely bruised, possibly broken nose and a possible concussion. Despite his injuries, all Brittany wanted to do was go home and find Santana and talk. But the dancers urged her to take her boyfriend home and take care of him and Brittany painfully remembered that yes indeed they were dating.

When they got home, David offered her a drink which she gladly took. The day's events, and most importantly, Santana's admittance of her feelings made her forget just how much she was drinking. Before she knew it, David was pushing her towards the bedroom and she'd forgotten how to say no. The rest of it was a blur but Brittany remembered comparing David's kiss with Santana's.

She looked at the clock on David's night stand. It was close to 5. The dream was still so fresh in her mind, the look in Santana's eyes still haunting her. Silently and smoothly, she rolled out of bed. She grabbed at whatever clothes she could find in the dark. She found her jeans and David's shirt, slipping into both. She walked into the kitchen, wanting nothing more than a tall glass of water and some aspirin. David's apartment overlooked the artsy part of the city. He chose it because the rent was cheap and he was close to all of his friends. Brittany cast a glance over the living room. Her shawl lay abandoned on the couch. Seeing the shawl made Brittany think of David pulling it away to kiss her neck. She brought her fingers to her neck where she was sure a giant hickey resided.

Something felt lacking.

But he was nice.

And that's all that she needed, right?

She looked outside at the lights in the city. Many were still out but there were still street lights, there were still cars. A low fog hung on the roads, making most of the lower section invisible. She wondered how Santana was doing and she sighed.

_"You know." _Santana's words echoed in Brittany's head. She'd never once suspected that Santana was in love with her. The brunette hadn't so much as let on. In Brittany's mind, she wondered just how long Santana had been in love with her. Two strong arms encircled her shoulders.

"What are you doing?" David murmured.

"Couldn't sleep." Brittany replied. He planted a kiss on her shoulder but she kept staring outside.

"I can make you tired." He offered coyly. Brittany smiled at him and shook her head.

"How are you feeling?" She asked.

"Everything hurts." David complained. Brittany nodded, looking him up and down. His nose was still swollen and he had a black eye.

"I was hoping to go home. For a little while before class. " Brittany said. David cocked his head.

"Are you ok? What did that crazy bitch do or say to you?" He demanded.

"David..." Brittany warned, not liking the way he addressed Santana.

"I'm sorry, she attacked me out of nowhere, ok? I get to call her that if I don't get to press charges." Brittany sighed again. She didn't have the energy to admonish him. She just wanted to sort out the thought in her head.

"Can you just take me home?" She asked. "And get yourself checked out by a doctor, ok?"

"Why do you want to go home?"

"I'm tired, I just want to sleep." Brittany replied.

"You can sleep here. Why do you want to go back to her? I'm telling you, she's crazy."

"David, please." Brittany repeated, exasperated. David dropped his arms in defeat.

"I love you." He said, dropping to his knees and kissing her hand. He looked at her, expecting her to say the same. Brittany forced a smile back.

David dropped her off later that morning. Brittany walked into their apartment.

"Santana?" She called out. There was no response. Brittany walked around the apartment but found no sign that she'd been home. The heat was off, the dishes untouched. The bed was in the same state that they left it. She called Santana's cellphone number only to hear it ringing on the coffee table. She closed her phone and sat down. She combed through her memories, trying to find any indication that Santana loved her. It made a little sense, she always thought that there was something more in Santana's actions toward her. But she hadn't really thought about it. She dismissed it as Santana being her best friend. Now she looked around the apartment and wondered what hidden meanings there were, did they sleep in the same bed because they were in love? Did they buy the matching mugs together because they were out on a date and saw them and decided that they were cute? Did they move in together because they were more than friends?

These questions plagued Brittany's mind and she spent the better half of the morning mulling over them. Each question only brought on more. Who knew? Why had Santana never said anything to her about it? She tossed and turned in the bed and rolled over to Santana's side. The Latina's scent engulfed her and she closed her eyes. It calmed her down and her thoughts, previously in the millions, quieted down in her head. She lay like that, breathing in Santana's perfume. She wondered if Santana did the same thing when she wasn't around. When she opened her eyes and sat up, the serenity that engulfed her vanished and questions filled her mind again.

"I need answers." She thought and opened her phone again to call someone who had them.

* * *

Quinn sipped her coffee and made no move to make eye contact with the blond dancer. Brittany sat in the uncomfortable silence of the apartment.

"So...you're not at work." Brittany observed.

"Personal day. I have to use them all before the year's over or they disappear." Quinn explained. Brittany nodded in understanding.

"Did she stay here last night?" She asked. Quinn said nothing in response. Brittany bit her lip, not sure how to breach the topic. Eventually, Quinn broke the silence.

"It's technically not your fault." Quinn said but her voice dripped with contempt and Brittany wasn't sure if it was particularly directed at her.

"She never told me anything." Brittany said.

"That's why I'm saying that it's not your fault." Quinn repeated.

"How long has she loved me?" Brittany asked. Quinn's eyes narrowed and she opened her mouth to answer, "since you were seven" but the words refused to leave her mouth. She closed it and set down her cup, sloshing the liquid around a little.

"You need to ask Santana yourself." She finally answered.

"Can you at least tell me if she's loved me all this time?" Quinn looked up.

"It doesn't matter. What matters is how you feel." She stared expectantly at Brittany. Brittany bit her lip. She liked Santana, that much she knew.

"I don't know. It never crossed my mind before." Brittany admitted. Her eyes scanned the apartment as if searching for the answer on the cream colored walls. She liked Santana, she really did. But to go from like into "your roommate has been in love with you all along" put a certain pressure on Brittany.

"Did I...did I love her before?" Brittany asked. Quinn shook her head.

"I'm not saying anything."

"I had to have. It makes sense." Brittany insisted. Quinn put up a hand to silence her.

"Whether you loved her before or not, that's not what matters. Do me a favor. Sort out your feelings. Santana made it clear to me that she didn't want to force you into anything. I personally think it's stupid, but she's stubborn. If you don't love her, you don't. Pretending to love Santana right now is probably the worst thing you could do to her, especially now that it's gotten this far." Brittany's eyebrows furrowed. She wasn't sure what the "it" was referring to. Was it her dating David? Was it Santana's love for Brittany?

"I just want to talk to her..." Brittany whispered sadly. "I want to figure it out with her."

"I don't know where she is. She's probably at work."

"Please drive me there, please?" Brittany pleaded. Quinn shook her head.

"I don't think that's such a good idea."

"If she doesn't want to see me, then I'll leave. I just...I need to see her right now." Brittany begged. Quinn sighed and rubbed her temples. The point of taking the day off was not to go anywhere near her office. But the pathetic look in Brittany's eyes would always win and Quinn got her jacket.

"Fine." She stopped and looked at Brittany. "You're my friend, B. And so is Santana. Don't hurt her." Brittany looked up at her, a little pained that Quinn would say that.

"I'll...I'll try not to." She said.

* * *

Brittany raced up to the front desk, almost soliciting the immediate alert of a nearby guard. She hit the desk and stared down the woman on the phone. The woman looked at her as if she were a crazy person off the street until Quinn walked up.

"Hi, is Santana Lopez in her office?" Quinn asked calmly. The lady recognized Quinn instantly and put the phone down.

"Let me check." She said. She picked up the receiver and dialed a few numbers. The phone rang once, twice and three times. Finally it went to voicemail and she put the receiver down. "She's not answering. Should I leave a message?" Quinn shook her head.

"Call up Maryanne, she's sure to be at her desk." The woman complied and that time, she got through. She handed the receiver over to Quinn.

"Hi Maryanne."

"Oh! Quinn! I thought you were taking the day off."

"Yeah, I was, but I need to speak to Santana about something."

"She left an hour ago. She didn't look so well so she went home sick." Maryanne replied. Brittany heard the conversation and her face fell.

"I see. Well, thank you."

"No problem, you have a nice day off, you hear?" With that, Quinn handed the phone back to the woman at the desk.

"Maybe she went home?" Brittany tried.

"I can drive you back." Quinn offered. Brittany smiled at her but she had a feeling she wasn't going to find Santana back home, sitting on the couch sipping tea.

When they got to Brittany and Santana's apartment, Brittany waved goodbye to Quinn and she drove off. Brittany heaved a heavy sigh and walked into the building, taking the elevator to her floor. She opened the door and listened.

"San?" She called out but as she predicted, no one was home. She flopped down on the couch. She'd wait until Santana got home.

An hour passed by and Brittany wondered if Santana was ever coming home. She had to know that Brittany was waiting for her, or at least there was the possibility that she was there. Brittany stared at the clock. It was 3:35pm. She sat up and walked around the apartment, lost in her thoughts.

_What does Santana mean to me...?_ She asked herself. She chewed on her lip and pondered over this question. She couldn't help but compare Santana to David. David was perfect. He cared about her, he doted on her. He was handsome and right and everyone always commented that they were a beautiful couple and that they suited each other. Santana on the other hand was moody, unpredictable, mysterious. Santana had flaws that she didn't see in David. She made mistakes, she got angry at Brittany and Brittany had certainly not forgotten about the time Santana yelled. She was awkward sometimes.

But something drew Brittany in. It was those dark eyes that so often clouded with a distant, melancholy look. Brittany realized suddenly that it was the look of a woman in love with someone who didn't feel the same.

"Oh God..." She whispered to herself, sitting down abruptly. "How long did you suffer?" She remembered the couch, how Santana had slept on it for ages. Had she done that just to accommodate Brittany?

"The things you must've sacrificed for me..." Brittany covered her face. She felt guilty for making Santana go through what she had gone through. And to top it off to date and sleep with David must've been painful for her.

"I can't help it." She said aloud. "He was charming...he made his move..." She wrestled with the feelings inside her and stood up, pacing around the room restlessly. She looked outside the window. It overlooked the street and the last of the snow was just beginning to disappear. Her mind returned to that blissful snowed in day where she and Santana walked around the city, played in the snow. She thought about just how happy Santana was that day, how much she smiled and how much...

_How much I love that smile..._Brittany gasped and covered her mouth when the thought floated out by itself. She sat down, eyes wide with shock. It was true, though. She did love Santana's smile. She liked seeing the woman happy. She liked the sound of her laughter, the glimmer in her eyes when she looked over and saw Brittany laughing. She remembered how the light struck her the first night they reconnected outside Cafe Benny and how beautiful Santana looked in that light, even though her eyes were overflowing with tears. Brittany thought back to that night and realized in all of that, she wanted to kiss those tears away. It was a faint thought, one that so easily disappeared like the snowflakes on their cheek. But now she remembered that it was exactly what she wanted to do.

And she had done it. She had kissed Santana. She'd kissed her on her forehead right before she went to bed the night the heat came back on. And it felt...

"Right." Brittany said out loud. She placed a hand over her heart, her mouth hanging open in shock. She liked David, but she didn't love him. And she didn't even like him in that way. But with Santana, everything felt natural. Brittany thought about sleeping in the same bed, how she had not only counted on Santana to keep her warm at night, but to help her fall asleep. Something about the way Santana snored made her feel at ease and allowed her to slip into an uninterrupted slumber. She liked the way Santana made eggs over-easy, something David never did quite the same way. She liked sharing a beer with Santana after work and watching stupid things on TV together until it was time to sleep. She liked all of these things.

But she loved Santana.

"San..." Brittany looked outside. It was getting dark and Santana still hadn't come home. Her heart pounded with this new realization and she wanted nothing more than for Santana to come home so that Brittany could tell her. She sat down and wondered where the woman was. Her mind went through a dozen locations. Quinn's? No, Quinn would've called. Her office? Why would she go back there? The city? No, Santana had said she didn't really know the city well and she wouldn't go there to escape. Her mind raced trying to pin point a location.

"Where are you, Santana?" She said, placing a hand on the glass. In the distance, she saw the river and the city lights against it. Something in her mind clicked and she knew exactly where Santana was. She threw on her coat and boots and raced out the door, praying she remembered how to get there.

* * *

Santana looked out across the river. Flecks of light sparkled just over the river as she reached up to take the Christmas lights down from the tree. Santana closed her eyes and pictured that first night. The two of them were walking hand in hand and they were just at the bridge when Santana stopped. She looked at Brittany, the blond smiling as if the whole world was at peace. She'd known before that she was in love with her, but it all seemed to fall into place then.

"I love you." She mouthed the words. Brittany's mouth had opened in shock and Santana felt like her heart was going to explode if Brittany didn't say anything back. But then she said,

"Santana!"

Santana frowned and opened her eyes. That wasn't what Brittany had said at all. Brittany had repeated those three words back.

"Santana!" Santana blinked in surprise. The voice sounded so real. She turned her head and gasped. Brittany ran towards her at top speed, stopping just a few feet short. Her breath came out in white puffs as she tried to gulp in the dry air.

"Wh...what?"

"I found you." Brittany said.

"I thought you were with David..." Santana said. Brittany stood up.

"I've been at home waiting for you. And then I remembered that this...this was our place wasn't it?" Santana's mind spun. Had Brittany run here all the way from their apartment? That was at least ten miles away. And she'd only been here once, it was a miracle that she remembered the way here. And then what Brittany said hit Santana full force.

"Our place?" She repeated, stunned. Brittany nodded.

"I was...I was with David. But I realized that he's not the person I want to be with." She smiled and took a step closer. "It's like...something keeps telling me that you're the one I'm in love with."

"In love with." Santana knew she sounded like an echo but it was the last thing on her mind. Her eyes darted around the area. If this was a joke, it was a very cruel one but no one was laughing. It was just her, Brittany and half strewn lights.

"Being with David just felt wrong. I...I looked for you all day. And I spent a lot of time thinking about us and how it's weird that we're rooming together, and how it makes sense that we're rooming together if you love me and I didn't love you and I kept thinking about the mugs, and our time together and even..." Brittany stopped. She was rambling at this point but Santana didn't notice.

"Brit..."

"I just love you, ok?"

Santana said nothing. She simply stared in shock as Brittany fidgeted nervously. All around her, the lights sparkled, illuminating the blond's wind whipped, red face. Her hair was slightly mussed from running and her lips slightly cracked from the dry air. But to Santana, she'd never looked so beautiful.

"Fuckin A." Santana sighed.

"San?" Santana looked up at the sky and thanked whatever higher power must've been up there. She started laughing and crying because for whatever reason, Brittany had fallen in love with her all over again.

Perhaps love was reason enough. Santana was no romantic, no, that had been beaten out of her when her parents divorced. Santana didn't believe in fairy tale endings, she most certainly didn't believe that love trumped everything. But seeing Brittany, somehow, whether because she had lingering feelings or she had developed completely new ones, that alone made Santana believe in love again. Her heart carefully pieced itself together again.

"San?" Brittany asked timidly.

"I love you." Santana said, closing the gap between them. And they were kissing. Brittany dropped her arms and closed her eyes, allowing herself to be swallowed up by the kiss and all the emotions bursting from it. It felt so good, it felt so right to be kissing Santana like this. She wanted to forget all of David's kisses, even Santana's painfully desperate one from the previous day. No, this, this made her feel whole again, as if there wasn't a gaping hole in her memory. Something in the back of her head nagged at her but she ignored it because for now, with the whole world glowing around them and the sound of wind chimes cheering on their reunion, now everything was ok.


	13. As We All Come Tumbling Down

It was morning. The last of the snow melted and a thin layer of frost covered the windows, creating little crystal flake patterns all along the glass. A quietness filled the apartment, filling it with a certain peace and stillness rarely found in the chaotic hustle bustle of a city. When the sun just peeked over the horizon, the little designs of ice on the glass slowly melted, creating little droplets of water that ran down the windows and doors, pooling at the base. It was a new day.

When Santana awoke, she wasn't sleeping a painful few inches away from Brittany. It took her a moment to stir from her dreams and for a minute, she didn't realize the weight on her right arm that was causing it to go numb. Instead, she blinked a little, letting her eyes clear. When they did, her heart skipped a beat. She nearly jumped away had it not been for Brittany, who pinned her arm down. Santana pieced together the previous night as she had with so many nights before.

But last night, that night was one she would not forget any time soon. Just when it seemed like everything was hopeless, Brittany appeared out of the cold fog and embraced her with the warmth of a bright sunny day. The rest of the night was an ecstatic blur and Santana was so drunk on relief and happiness that she had a hard time even remembering how they got back to the apartment. But she did remember Brittany's eyes in the dark as she closed hers to go to sleep. It was a long fight, one that she did not intend to give up until fatigue overwhelmed her. All she wanted to do was watch Brittany and be watched in return and bask in the glory that was their new love. But watching Brittany's eyes slowly flutter closed caused her to fall asleep as well. Santana was by no means a still sleeper. She was known for kicking and tossing in the middle of the night. But she had woken up in the same position, with Brittany's head tucked in the crook of her neck with their fingers intertwined between them.

Santana smiled and she couldn't stop. She would've laughed aloud had Brittany been awake but she kept quiet for fear of disturbing the blond. She kept her mirth on the inside, instead electing to grin like an idiot. It just felt so good to have Brittany back in her arms again. But as with normal people and normal schedules, Santana had to go to work. She looked at the clock and made the conscious decision to watch Brittany sleep for 5 minutes more, sacrificing her breakfast time just to savor the moment a little longer. When the 5 minute was up, she tried her best to get out of bed without disturbing Brittany. But no matter how gently she lifted her, Brittany woke up anyway.

"Mmm...San?" She mumbled. Santana kissed her and she smiled, inhaling deeply and yawning.

"Hey, it's early. Keep sleeping." Santana replied. "But we need to talk later this evening, ok?" Brittany opened her eyes a sliver and tilted her head.

"About what?"

"A lot of things." Santana said but in her mind she could only think of one thing. "About us." She thought about the marriage. She thought about the box tucked into the back of the closet. There was no better time, or worse time as the case may be, to break the news to Brittany. But she trusted her, and she needed to get it out there before it was too late.

"Ok." Brittany said, stretched and curling up in a ball again. Santana slipped out from under the sheets and got dressed. She looked back at Brittany making sure that she was no longer awake and reached into the very back of her dresser. She felt around and grabbed the lone sock and pulled it out. She turned it upside down and shook it. Her ring fell out and she stared down at it.

"About time." She sighed. With a smile, she put the ring back on. It was a bit of a tight fit, a testament to how long it had been since she'd last put it on but once it was there, Santana never wanted to take it off again. It was finally time to tell Brittany and she couldn't be more nervous to do it.

* * *

Quinn Fabray wondered sometimes how it was that Santana got anywhere in life. Fifty percent of the time she was charismatic, good with manipulating people and emotions and most of all, sometimes borderline workaholic; all the requirements for being a good marketing manager. However the other fifty percent of the time she slacked off, was sometimes curt, though rude might've been a closer fit, and was good at manipulating people. It was any wonder that she'd made it so far in the company without kissing ass. Quinn had to do it on several occasions to get her position, but then again, kissing up to Sue Sylvester certainly taught her a thing or two about using influence to climb the ranks. But Santana, with her 50-50 personality, still managed to keep up.

However, with new clients knocking on the door, Santana that day was painfully slow with the paperwork. Without the proper papers and research, Quinn couldn't do what she did best; win contracts. She decided to pay a visit to Santana to see what she was so happy about.

"Well, well, if it isn't Santana spinning in her chair grinning like an idiot."

"She loves me!" Santana yelled as soon as Quinn entered the room. She stood up and gave Quinn a huge hug, kissing her on both cheeks, causing the other woman to sputter and push her away.

"Come again?"

"She loves me!" Quinn hardly had time to process that information when she noticed the presence of the ring on Santana's finger. Her jaw dropped and she pointed.

"You're...you're wearing it again..." She breathed in disbelief. Santana nodded vigorously.

"Yes! She loves me!" Quinn sat down in shock, staring at Santana as she pranced around the room. It was hardly fitting for the marketing manager to be dancing in her office, grinning like the Cheshire Cat while humming silly tunes. But Quinn couldn't bring herself to reprimand her. Instead, she tried to compartmentalize all the information.

"Wait...wait, so she loves you? Does she know? Does she remember?" Quinn asked. Santana laughed, completely giddy beyond reason.

"Nope! She just loves me again!" Santana replied.

"Sit down. You're going to need to tell me the story." Quinn ordered. Santana, all too eager to share in the joy, sat down, resumed her spinning and started from the beginning. Quinn sat in a somber silence, taking I all in. When Santana finished, which ended with Santana waking up that morning next to Brittany, Quinn interrupted.

"So you still haven't told her. But you're wearing the ring again."

"Tonight, Quinn." Santana promised. "I'm sick and tired of playing this charade."

"I was sick and tired of it a long time ago." Quinn sneered.

"Tonight." Santana repeated. "Everything's put out on the table. No more lies. She'll know."

"What if she reacts badly?" Quinn asked. Santana's smile faded as the thought occurred to her.

"I don't know." Santana admitted. "But she's Brittany. She'll understand if I explain it to her, right?" It was Quinn's look of doubt that cast a shadow over Santana's resolve.

"You've kept this from her for so long. She's going to react badly."

"I'll deal with it." Santana snapped, now irritated that Quinn was raining on her morning's bliss. Quinn stood up and gave her a look of concern.

"Santana, I'm just worried."

"I am too. Hell, I don't even know what to say." Santana sighed. "I've been too distracted by my memories of last night." She heaved a sigh and leaned back in her chair, combing her fingers through her hair. "I'm actually really nervous, Quinn." Quinn suddenly felt bad for ruining Santana's moment. She put on a cheery smile, trying to relieve her worries a little.

"Look, maybe it's like you said, maybe Brittany'll understand. Just tell her how you feel, ok?" Quinn put a steady hand on Santana's shoulder and squeezed. Santana smiled back thankfully.

"I hope so."

* * *

For Brittany, when the day started depended on what classes she had during the day. That day, it didn't start until the afternoon so she luxuriously woke up at 11:00. When she got up, her hair was a mess and she felt groggy but she had a smile plastered all over her face. Last night had been like a dream come true. It was like a haze had cleared from her mind, pointing her in the right direction. She thought she loved David, she really did. And he did everything right. But Santana turned out to be the one her heart pointed to. It had been a long, tangled journey but somehow she wound up in the right place, with the right person. She stretched her arms above her head and looked outside. It was bright and sunny out but she could see clouds looming in the far distance, threatening to dampen the day. She got out of bed and went into the kitchen to prepare breakfast.

It shouldn't have come as a surprise when Brittany finished eating and checked her phone to find no less than 20 texts and 6 phone calls, all of which resulted in a voicemail. All of but two were from David. One was from Santana, asking her to be home right after work and the other message was a telemarketer asking for a Mrs. Spears. The texts and messages grew increasingly frantic as the time went on, starting with a "hey baby, miss you" and ending with a "please, call me, for the love of god, please just call me or something and tell me you love me." Brittany sighed and deleted all the texts after she'd read them, as well as the voicemails he had left. She looked at the time and, since it took a little less than an hour to walk to her work place, decided to leave a little early to talk to David about them. She didn't want to do it, but she felt bad about leaving him hanging. He had every right to be concerned about her not calling but she also needed to tell him that it was no longer his responsibility. She needed to do the right thing and break up with him.

She cleaned up and decided to take a quick shower before leaving. She looked at herself in the mirror and noticed that she looked younger. Maybe it was the uncontrollable smile she had on after thinking about Santana but her reflection didn't seem so distraught like it had been. As she showered, she wondered what Santana was going to talk to her about. No doubt it was going to be about their relationship before. She wondered if they had dated before, surely they had something going on. The two of them had unmistakable history and chemistry that stemmed deeper than just roommates or best friends. But she was curious as to the nature of the relationship. Was it a one sided love? Was it reciprocated? How long had it been going on? Weeks? Months? It was the uncertainty that made Brittany restless and the nagging feeling she felt the night before returned with a vengeance. She couldn't help but feel like she was being lied to.

"No...Santana wouldn't lie to me." Brittany said to herself. "She wants what's best for me. She wouldn't..." But for some reason, she couldn't bring herself to quite believe that Santana was entirely truthful.

"Maybe we'd been dating for a while." She thought to herself. But if they had, surely Santana would've said something, especially after finding out that David was interested in her. She shook her head. "Trust her." She said firmly and dried her hair.

At around 2:00, she walked into the dance studio. It was empty, save for David, drying off his face with a towel. When he saw her, he all but sprinted to her side.

"Where were you yesterday?" He demanded. "I've been texting you and calling you all day!" He put his hands on her arms and leaned into kiss her but she put a hand out to stop him.

"David, I'm sorry I didn't call you, or text you back."

"Are you ok?" He looked at her but Brittany found it hard to make eye contact. Brittany took a step back away from his grasp. "Baby?"

"I'm sorry." She whispered. "But...this needs to stop."

"What do you mean?" David asked with a nervous smile.

"I'm sorry." Brittany said. A lump formed in her throat. It was like breaking up with someone for the first time and it was far more difficult to do in person than she'd imagined on the way there. "We can't be together anymore." David's expression looked like someone had just shot him in the stomach.

"What?" He asked.

"I just want to be friends. It just isn't working out for me." Brittany explained. David looked around as if someone were filming him secretly for his reaction. When he realized the absurdity of it, and the sincerity behind her words, he let out a hoarse laugh as his eyes filled with tears.

"Why?" He demanded. "Why?"

"I want to be honest with you. It's really not you. You're wonderful, you were the perfect boyfriend. But you're not the one I'm in love with. Please don't be like this." Brittany reached out to touch him but he stepped away. He ran his fingers through his hair, grinding his teeth. He cursed, flinging his arm down to his side.

"I have been...I have been in love with you for years! Who could possibly..." He stopped. His eyes darkened. "It's Santana."

"Please don't hate her. I love her, she didn't try to break us up, I just realized that I was in love with her, I'm sorry." Brittany's eyes watered seeing David's pain. But she saw something beyond the pain. It was an animosity that frightened her. He turned around and punched the wall as hard as he could.

"Are you serious? She loves you?" He laughed again.

"She does. And I love her, David, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to lead you on like that, I really didn't know until..."

"Until she came and kicked my face in. Did you know then? Are you attracted to crazy bitches?" He yelled.

"No! She's not like that! She's nice, and sweet and..."

"Sweet?" David laughed again but his voice was filled to the brim with bitterness and Brittany took another step away from him. He fixed his gaze on her.

"She is! What is your problem with her?" Brittany shouted. She was scared of this David. This David looked like he could do damage, not necessarily to her, but in general and she brought her arms up to her chest protectively. "She's sincere."

"Sincere. You really think she's miss goody two shoes?" David asked sarcastically. "I bet you think she's been honest with you this whole time." Uneasiness made its home in Brittany's chest when she heard the last words.

"I don't know what you mean." She said and a large part of her didn't want him to explain. But he turned to face her, his expression focused.

"She's been lying to you this whole time." David said. Brittany bit her lip.

"I'm sure there's stuff she hasn't told me but there will be time..."

"DID SHE TELL YOU THAT YOU TWO WERE MARRIED?" David practically screamed it, causing the windows to shake a little. Brittany went completely silent. It was like a punch to the stomach. She backed up against the wall.

"What?"

"You two were married for two fucking years before the accident. Did she love you enough to tell you that? Given that you were happily fucking me two nights ago, I don't think so." He sneered. Brittany kept shaking her head in disbelief. Denial was the only way she could even begin to compute those words.

"You're lying. You're just upset that I'm breaking up with you." She said.

"You never felt that something was off? That it seemed like everyone was keeping a secret from you? Or that Santana knew you better than normal?" Brittany's head swam and she felt the onset of a migraine.

"Shut up...you're lying." She repeated.

"You know I wouldn't lie about this. You know I'm right." He hissed. Brittany's head filled with images of the past few weeks. She thought about how Santana seemed to know exactly what she needed, how she knew what Brittany was feeling without having to ask. She thought about the looks she gave, the distance, longing looks that seemed to cloud Santana's eyes so often. And she thought about the kiss last night, plucked from a distant dream that must've been a memory. Brittany began crying.

"You're lying." She said one last time but she no longer had the conviction to believe her own words. David knew it too. He walked over to his towel and draped it over his head, as if trying to shut out the world. He put on his earphones and squatted. Brittany's eyes darted back and forth. She'd never tried so hard to bring back her memories but nothing came to her mind.

"It can't be true." She thought. She slowly walked out of the building and headed home. Her pace picked up and soon she was running as fast as she could back to the apartment.

_Santana wouldn't lie to me about this. She wouldn't. She's not that kind of person. She wouldn't do it..._The words kept flying through her head but with every step she knew she was closer to finding out a truth she may not have wanted to know about. When she got there, she flung the door open, not even bothering to close it behind her. She rifled through Santana's drawers, looking for anything that signaled that Santana had kept their marriage a secret. Brittany didn't know if it was better that she didn't find anything or if she found everything.

She tore her home apart, flinging the mattress off the bed, the cushions off the couch. Her actions were frenzied. She wasn't even sure what she was looking for, just that she was looking for something that confirmed that sinking feeling that what David said was true; that her instincts had also been right.

_"So...do I have someone special? Like a boyfriend...?" _That had been one of the first questions she asked Quinn. And Quinn had responded no. Brittany hadn't even thought of asking if she was married, she didn't have a ring, she didn't have anything on her that told her she was anything but single.

_"Where's your ring?"_ David had asked that. And now it made sense why he asked. And it made even more sense why he had pursued her so feverishly. He must've figured out that Santana hadn't told her about their marriage. He must've seen that as an opportunity. But instead of feeling disgust, Brittany kept searching, the thought of David's actions the last thing on her mind. All she wanted to do was to find the truth.

_"You couldn't handle it!" _Santana's words came to mind that day that she kissed Brittany after beating the crap out of David. Brittany thought that it was just Santana's love that she couldn't handle. She never assumed that it was something more than that. But suddenly all of her words, all of her actions took on a whole new meaning, one that Brittany couldn't see before. Everything had been orchestrated, even Quinn must've known and kept it a secret.

Brittany continued to rip apart the rooms in her increasingly desperate search. She even looked behind the cereal and under the sink for any signs. She flipped through photo albums, went through all the books on their bookshelf, even turned clothes inside out but still nothing. But just as she opened up the closet to rifle through more items, she noticed a sizable box tucked away in the back corner. It was labeled "Old Clothes." With a racing heart, she dragged it out and tore it open, ripping half the top off in the process.

What was in there was certainly not old clothes. Books, pictures, tapes lay in the box. Personalized place mats and embroidered towels sat at the bottom. With a shaking hand, Brittany pulled out the item on top. It was a marriage certificate; their marriage certificate. Brittany looked at the names on it.

_Santana Lopez_

_Brittany Pierce_

_Were United In Marriage..._

Brittany couldn't read anymore. The only thought that flew through her head was that Santana had lied to her. Santana had hurt her.

"San..." She sobbed.

Brittany's eyes filled with tears as she retrieved more items including a framed photo of her in a beautiful white wedding dress holding a white bouquet of roses. Her smile was bright and her eyes were sparkling in the midday sun. She didn't remember it. She didn't remember being that happy. She didn't remember holding those flowers and feeling that bright sun. She couldn't bring up the feeling of that wedding dress, by the looks of it, a soft satin. She wanted to recall the feel of the lace trimmed gloves. Tears dripped onto the glass frame, rolling down until it collected in the right corner. Brittany's lips trembled and a small cry escaped her throat. She set down the marriage certificate, whimpering as she dug through two years of buried memories.


	14. The Best Laid Plans

It was five when Santana left the office. She shut down her computer, turned off the lights in her room and stepped out. The humming of the overhead lights gave her a headache, which was why she was glad she didn't have to work in any of the cubes. She remembered taking at least a couple aspirin per day when she first got there and worked in a cramped, grey walled cube. Eventually she got used to it but she aspired to rise in the ranks as soon as possible to get out of that sad, sad area. She worked her ass off the first few years, butting into projects in a way only Santana Lopez could do. She took work from other colleagues to further her career, showed up at the right place at the right time, said all the right things at meetings.

She and Quinn did things differently. While Quinn smiled and fluttered her eyes and kissed ass, Santana mercilessly cut down her peers to get what she wanted. There was no way Santana was going to deliver some gourmet coffee to her boss just to get a couple of brownie points. She did what she did best.

None of that helped her deal with what she was going to go home to. She was ruthless in negotiations and she couldn't be when dealing with Brittany. It was times like these where she wished she knew how to cater to a person's desire like Quinn did. She wished she knew how not to put her foot in her mouth around Brittany. It always worked before because Brittany usually didn't even notice if Santana said something wrong. That's what made them the perfect couple; Santana would mess up and Brittany would either ignore it or take in in stride. And Santana hoped that was a quality still present in the Brittany waiting at home.

There wasn't a doubt in her mind that she'd messed up. But there also wasn't a doubt that she'd done the right thing. She knew that she'd created a fine pile of shit to clean up. Yet given the choice of Brittany loving her for real and Brittany fake loving her, she would've done the same thing all over again if she had to. It was going to be a shock to her and she felt a jumble of emotions making her nerves stand on end; excitement, fear, relief to name a few. She knew there was bound to be an initial negative reaction, but she rehearsed her words and she planned for everything Brittany would yell at her.

_"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" Brittany might demand._

"I want you to be happy." Santana said aloud. And she'd explain with a calm voice why she did what she did. The point was, Santana could tell her slowly, make her promise not to get angry first and then break the news to her. She took a deep breath and ran through her lines.

"Brittany, there's something I want to tell you. Please, please don't get angry at me. When I first saw you at the hospital, when I first found out you didn't remember anything, the only thought in my mind was that I wanted you to be happy. We were really serious. Please, don't get angry, B." She imagined the confused look on Brittany's face. "We were married." Her expression would change to a shocked look. Santana would get her to sit down in a chair and calmly explain her reasons. She'd tell her in bits and pieces, reassuring her that she loved her all the while. And Brittany would nod, take in the information at her own pace, and ask questions Santana was prepared to answer.

As Santana pulled into the parking spot, she faintly recalled a book she'd read and a particular quote from it.

_ "The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry."_ Santana furrowed her eyebrows and wondered why that particular quote popped into her head. She cleared her mind and took a deep breath, mentally preparing herself for the whole scenario. She got out of the car and got into the elevator. The trip up seemed to take forever. She paused outside her door, fumbling with her keys. The thought of seeing Brittany's smiling face made Santana's heart race and she opened the door, ready to reclaim her wife.

The first thing that she heard were voices and laughter. She thought, for a moment, that Brittany had company. But that didn't make sense. Even before Brittany had been hospitalized, she didn't have too many friends. She mostly hung out in the apartment, usually exhausted after work. Apart from Quinn and that sleazy good for nothing David, she didn't have too many close friends to invite back. Mostly it was because the dancers she hung around with were in town for a few weeks, practiced at their studio for a show in town and then left. None stuck around too long to get attached. So Santana was rightly confused by the familiar voices coming from the living room. She walked through the entry way, taking off her shoes.

"Brittany?" She called. As soon as she came into sight of Brittany, she froze dead in her tracks. Brittany sat on the couch staring at the TV with tears streaming down her face. On the screen were the smiling faces of all their friends as Mike video taped Puck hitting on a bridesmaid. Brittany on the screen pointed and laughed when the bridesmaid dumped her drink over his head.

_"Turn that off!"_ Puck yelled and ran towards the camera. The screen went black and there were scuffling noises until the screen jumped to another scene. Brittany sat on Santana's lap whispering something in her ear with a big grin plastered on her face.

_"Look at the happy couple! They're finally newlyweds!" _Mike exclaimed. In real life, Santana dropped her keys and they clattered loudly on the floor. Brittany didn't move an inch even though she knew definitely that Santana was standing there, watching the same thing she was watching.

_"Here we go." _Matt made his way over, holding a flower, pretending it was a microphone. _"So, can we get your favorite memory of each other?" _Brittany on the screen laughed and put her finger to her lips, looking up.

_"Hmm...all of them!" _She exclaimed happily. _"I love every memory of her!" _Upon hearing this, Santana snapped out of her trance and quickly stood in front of the TV, blocking Brittany's line of vision.

"B..." Santana said. "I was going to tell you tonight. I...I wanted you to be happy. You didn't remember me, how could I ask you to love me? I wanted you to find your own way." This was not how Santana envisioned telling Brittany. All the lines she practiced were spilling out at once instead of in a slow, steady manner like she intended. "I wanted you to fall in love with me on your own, or someone else. When you started dating David, it hurt but it felt like if you really liked him...B...say something." At the mere mention of David's name, Brittany flinched and reflexively curled up into a tighter ball. She held their marriage certificate in one hand. She looked down at the names written on it and gazed across the pictures scattered on the table. She tried to bring back any images of their previous relationship and she came up with nothing. She stood up and stared at Santana. Her lip trembled and it looked like she was about to burst into sobs at any moment. Santana wanted Brittany to scream, to slap her, to do anything but look at her with those hurt eyes.

"B..."

"Just...not now." Brittany whispered in a shaky voice. She walked over to the coat rack and grabbed her jacket off. "I need to be away from you right now." She said and slammed the door behind her. Santana stood in the apartment alone while a loud clap of thunder boomed overhead.

* * *

It was by habit that Brittany wound up at the dance studio. She didn't have anywhere else to go, she didn't know anyone else to call. She hoped that David wasn't going to be there when she arrived but that hope was dashed when she saw his car parked in the parking lot. She walked through the door and David was there, stretching right after his exercises. When he heard the door open, he looked up and saw her walking into the studio. Brittany inhaled and looked away, tears shining in her eyes as she walked in. She tucked her hair behind her ear.

"You were right." Brittany said quietly. "She never told me we were married." David walked over to hug her but she put out a hand to stop him.

"Brit..."

"You didn't tell me either." She whispered. "You knowingly..." Her voice hitched in her throat. She tried again. "You knowingly pursued me even though I was still married." David ran his fingers through his hair.

"I love you. I've loved you for so long, for as long as I've known you."

"Did you know I was married?"

"At first, no. When you first walked into the dance studio, I just fell head over heels. You were looking for a job teaching dance and, I admit, I didn't even care what your credentials were. I hired you because it was love at first sight. By the time I found out...I loved you too much. When I found out Santana didn't tell you when you lost your memory, it was like a new beginning, a chance." He explained. Brittany looked at him with betrayed eyes.

"You never once figured it was wrong?" She hissed.

"I did! But I didn't care. You don't understand just how much..."

"You didn't think that maybe, just maybe I needed to know?" Brittany's voice trembled. Everyone she trusted had broken it. Now she needed to unravel the tangled web that was her past life.

"How...how did no one here tell me?" Brittany asked. "How did no one fucking tell me?" It was good that they were in the dance studio. If there had been anything around her small enough to throw, she would've flung it across the room in frustration. David looked down.

"No one really knew. I didn't even know until a year later. You never really mentioned Santana, I thought she was your roommate for a long time. You always took off your ring before dancing. I guess you were afraid of scuffing it during practice or cutting someone with it. Part of me also didn't want to believe it." Brittany walked around the room.

"No one else knew?" She demanded.

"We're the only two employees here. The closest people we had were in my dance group and they..." He looked guiltily at the floor. "They knew. But when I introduced you as my girlfriend and they didn't see the ring, they didn't question it." Brittany sank to the ground, her back pressed tightly to the wall.

"So you lied to them." Brittany said. David sat down on the opposite side of the room.

"I told them not to mention Santana around you. That you two didn't...didn't work out. They didn't know the situation. They saw me calling you my girlfriend and you agreed and that was that. I made them think that something bad had happened between you and Santana even if I never explicitly said it. And none of them knew you that well anyway, so it was perfect for me. They knew you as that married woman that I was stupidly in love with."

"How could you sleep with me, knowing my wife..." The word felt foreign on her tongue. "Knowing Santana was hurting like she did." David knew there was no use in trying to candy coat his words. Earlier he had accused Santana of being a liar, but his deception ran equally deep.

"Truth is, I would've done anything I could to make you mine."

"And you did. You hurt Santana and you hurt me." He stood up and walked across the room, pulling Brittany to her feet and kissing her with a certain desperation that finally made Brittany understand just how badly he needed her. But it was over. When they broke apart, David searched her face. She reached up and kissed him on the cheek. His heart fell. It wasn't an affectionate kiss, it was a farewell.

"Goodbye, David." She whispered. David hung his head and removed his hands from her arms. He walked over to his duffelbag, picked it up and began walking out the building. Just as he was fully out the door, he turned around.

"Are you going back to Santana?" He asked.

"I don't know." Brittany replied. David hung his head.

"She loved you. Maybe more than me. It was stupid of her not to tell you, but she loves you." He smiled and shrugged before closing the door behind him. Brittany sat down and closed her eyes. She no longer knew how to feel. She felt hurt by Santana but more than that, she felt guilty. Even if it wasn't her fault, she'd managed to hurt Santana in more ways than she could imagine. Santana had lost her wife to the accident, then lost her again to a man who had lied his way into sleeping with her. Brittany closed her eyes and the images of what Santana must've been feeling those nights she'd spent with David cut jaggedly into her chest, making it difficult for her to breathe.

"I don't think it'll work." Brittany sobbed into her hands. "We've both hurt each other so badly. How can I face you, knowing that I...that..." Just that morning she loved Santana and it felt like they were piecing their life back together. In just a matter of hours, everything had fallen apart.

* * *

In her apartment, Santana lay on the couch, surrounded by all the things from the box. She had her hands folded under her head. She wanted to cry, she wanted to rage and scream but she felt drained and empty. She didn't know how Brittany found out, but she didn't care anymore. She was tired of fighting, of hurting so much every day. If this was how it was going to end, then this was it.

She closed her eyes and wanted nothing more than to redo everything. She wanted to go back in time, to chase Brittany when she ran away that night. If she had chased after her, she could've prevented all of this from happening. If she had just apologized...well, that had never been one of Santana's strong suits. She should've quelled her insecurities and trust Brittany like she was supposed to. But none of that mattered anymore and Brittany was gone for the second time in her life. This time, Santana wasn't sure if she wanted to find her.

Just as she closed her eyes, the rain began falling again. Santana opened her eyes back up and looked outside. The tape on the screen was winding down to the final minutes of the reception. It was getting dark and people were leaving. Mike, the one who had been filming it, gave a yawn.

_ "Well folks, this has been one hellava day._" He said. _"So I'm going to part with this. Santana and Brittany,"_ His face popped up on the screen as he held it at arms length. _"Good luck to both of you and keep in touch after the honeymoon!"_ The screen went black. Santana rolled over so that she was facing the back of the couch. It was over, she should file for divorce for having lied so deeply to Brittany. She didn't deserve to keep her. All she did was hurt Brittany and she couldn't watch herself do it anymore. She had always been bad news for the blond and she never understood why Brittany stayed with her and loved her like she did. Tomorrow, she'd call up their lawyer, find Brittany and...

_"Is this on? Hello?" _Brittany's voice filled the room again. Santana's eyebrows furrowed and she turned around. The screen was black and there were some fumbling noises close to the microphone.

_"I can't see anything...oh! The cap!"_ Suddenly light flooded the screen and Santana winced a little at how bright it was. Brittany's face took up most of the TV. Santana sat up. _"Ok, great, I think it's working."_ Santana recognized the room. It was their bedroom at the villa on their honeymoon. But she didn't remember Brittany taping anything while they were on their honeymoon, at least not on the same tape as the wedding reception. She sat forward and watched. It was no wonder she didn't remember. A few seconds later, she saw her own sleeping figure on the bed, snoring like there was no tomorrow. Brittany on the screen giggled and Santana watched the tape. It ran for a good 20 minutes, with Brittany sitting on the edge of the bed talking to the camera. With every word she spoke, tears spilled from Santana's eyes and onto the coffee table. At the very end of it, Brittany leaned down and kissed the sleeping Santana on the screen.

_"Just know that I'll always love you no matter what. And I hope that you'll always love me too."_ The screen faded to black, with the picture of Brittany staring lovingly at the sleeping Santana as the last image on the screen.

Santana stood up and set her jaw. She looked outside at the pouring rain and her memory returned to that fateful night. It had also been thundering and raining. Santana ran out the door, not even bothering to grab her coat even though it was close to freezing outside. She didn't chase after Brittany that time. It was time to change that.


	15. Sorry Is The Hardest Word

**Author's note: Happy thanksgiving everyone! Enjoy!**

Brittany awoke in the warm air of the villa. It was sunny out and she yawned. Santana was sleeping soundly next to her and she brushed back the hair from her new wife's face. They'd landed in Hawaii the night before. They stayed in a grand villa, courtesy of Santana's rich dad. Brittany smiled to herself while she watched Santana sleep. Then she stretched and sat up. It was only 9:00 and Santana had been exhausted by the traveling. Brittany on the other hand, had slept soundly on the plane and was fully refreshed that morning, feeling excited about their honeymoon. She slid out of bed and walked over the the window. She looked outside at their view. Hawaii was every bit as beautiful as she imagined with its green lush mountains, the glistening waters and white beaches. She wanted to explore as much of it as possible with Santana.

She turned around and looked at their unpacked luggage. They'd stumbled in late at night and hadn't bothered unpacking anything at all. They'd just tumbled into bed for honeymoon sex and promptly fell asleep. Brittany glanced at the discarded garments at the foot of their bed and decided that it was probably best she unpacked and dressed in some fresh clothes. She knelt by her suitcase and unzipped it, the overstuffed contents popping out slightly. She took out a flower printed bikini, a loose tanktop and jean shorts as well as sunblock, towels and a bucket for making sand castles. As she removed more items from the suitcase, she came across the video camera. She remembered that they'd packed it as well. She opened up the side and checked to see how much space was left after they'd video taped the reception. There were only a couple of minutes left. She looked back at Santana and smiled. She wanted to leave a little surprise for Santana if they were ever to view it after the honeymoon. With a flick of her thumb, she switched it on. The red recording light signalled that it was recording, but there wasn't anything on the screen.

"Is this on?" She asked out loud. "Hello? I can't see anything..." She looked at the front of the camera and noticed what was blocking the lens. "Oh! The cap!" She removed the piece of plastic and peered into the glass. She grinned and checked to make sure everything was in order before making her way over to the bed where Santana slept. She sat down and angled the camera towards the two of them.

"So...you gave your speech at the reception but I never got to." She said quietly and smiled into the camera. "Santana Lopez-Pierce." She paused. Just saying that last name made her heart jump for joy and she couldn't stop herself from grinning. "Wow. That sounds good, doesn't it?" In response, Santana snored and rolled over. Brittany laughed a little and continued.

"Anyway, I'm not really sure what I should say. I mean, I've loved you since you punched out that kid in first grade for taking my lunch box. Do you remember that? You socked him one good and got time out for a whole ten minutes at recess." Brittany giggled. "I went home that afternoon and told my mom I found the person I wanted to marry. My mom laughed at me and told me to invite you over for dinner." Brittany shook her head. "I think I just knew. I'm psychic you know." She gently ran her finger across Santana's cheek.

"We're super different, San. I mean, you're all organized and smart, I'm kind of air-headed. It took a long time for us to get here. But it was worth it." She sighed and set the camera down on the table, angling it up towards her so that she could tie her hair back.

"Remember when Matt asked what my favorite memory of you was? I told him all of them but the truth is, I'm more excited about the ones we haven't created. Mostly I just want to be with you. I can take on the world with you, Santana. Well, to be honest the world is kinda scary. Let's go day by day before you run for president, ok?" She wrinkled her nose and stuck out her tongue cutely. "Anyway, just know that I'll always love you no matter what. And I hope that you'll always love me too." Brittany shut off the camera and lay back down next to Santana. She kissed her ear and Santana stirred.

"B?" She murmured. "Did you say something?"

"Go back to sleep. You'll find out later." Brittany said. Santana rolled over and took Brittany in her arms so that Brittany's head rested right below Santana's chin.

"I super love you, you know that?" Brittany whispered. Santana let out a grunt to let her know that she knew and was still tired.

* * *

Quinn was fairly irritated when she heard someone furiously ringing the doorbell. She got out of bed and threw on a nightrobe. She had just gone to bed from a very long day and she had to get up extra early the next day. Her hair was a mess and she was definitely not in the mood to entertain whoever it was at the door. She flung it open.

"What?" She demanded. At first the hallways light blinded her but when her eyes adjusted, she gasped. Jeff was standing there with a warm smile on his face. His coat was drenched, no doubt a result of the storm outside.

"Hi." He said, lifting his hand shyly. Quinn's mouth dropped open. "I missed you."

"What are you doing here?" Quinn asked, hugging him, not caring that his body was freezing cold and wet. He stared at her and took her hands in his.

"I need to tell you something." He said seriously. Quinn took a step back and let him inside. When she closed the door, he took her hand.

"Quinn, we've been together for, what is it, 3 years now? But we've always been separated. I live four hours away and it's hard." Quinn's heart dropped and her mouth went dry. Was he ending it? Had he driven up all that way just to tell her that he couldn't do it anymore?

"Are you breaking up with me?" She whispered. Jeff laughed and put up his hands to signal that she was way off base. He pulled out a piece of folded paper from the inside of his coat. He unfolded it and smiled reassuringly.

"I have a lot to say, actually, about why we should be together."

* * *

Santana got into her car and drove as fast as she could. She needed to find Brittany. She had no idea about what she was going to do after she found her but she would figure something out, she had to. She was never one for spontaneity but she was going to learn fast. The rain poured down on the hood of her car and she tried her best to scout the sidewalks for any sign of the blond. Her mind raced as she tried to think of where Brittany was. She couldn't have gone very far. More than likely she was at the dance studio.

_"Please Brittany, please be there._" She thought as she sped down the road.

* * *

_"Even though we're so far apart, I'll always come to you, Quinn. We could be separated by continents and I'd still make that journey to see you. I don't care how far away we live, two people who are in love will always find a way to be together."_

_

* * *

_

Santana ran out of her car, getting instantly soaked. She ran up to the door of the dance studio and pulled. It was locked. She looked through the glass windows to see if Brittany was inside. She couldn't see anyone but Brittany had to be there, she couldn't think of anywhere else her wife would go. The blinds were drawn, making it difficult for her to see inside. She pounded on the windows and rattled the door.

"Brittany? Brittany are you in there? Please let me in! Please!" She tried to look for another way, going around back to see if there was maybe an open window or an unlocked door. She couldn't find any. She went back to the front and rattled the door again.

* * *

"_Because when two people love each other so much, it's not being physically together that matters. It's about calling and hearing that voice on the other end and telling them about your day, telling them that you love them no matter what."_

_

* * *

_

Santana pulled out her phone and tried dialing Brittany's number. She saw something light up on the inside of the dance studio. It rang and rang until it went to voicemail. Santana hung up and the light of the cell phone inside went out. She sighed in relief. So Brittany was in there after all.

"Brittany, can you hear me?" She tried again. But there was still no response. "Brittany, please talk to me." She pressed her ear against the glass but with the rain pattering all around her and the occasional rumble of thunder overhead, she couldn't hear anything else. She pulled away and rested her head on the glass.

"Brittany, I'm sorry, ok? I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I was stupid and I know it. I didn't mean to hurt you..." Santana inhaled sharply, as if the mere idea of hurting Brittany drove a knife through her chest. "God, I would never ever want that. I thought I was doing a selfless act but really, I was just scared that you were going to pretend to love me. I'm sorry, I should've let you make that choice." Santana sank to her knees and put her hands on the glass door. She closed her eyes and prayed that Brittany was listening on the other side. The rain was freezing against her skin and she shivered in the dim light of a street lamp. She was for sure going to catch a cold because of this but she didn't care if she caught pneumonia.

"B, the night of the accident, we were fighting. I was mad because I thought you were flirting with David. I should've trusted you and I'm sorry I didn't. But more than that I should've come after you when you ran out the door. I should've chased you and apologized to you for being a paranoid ass. If I could go back and do that, I would. I can't go back in time and do that but I'm not making that same mistake twice. Brittany, I'm too in love with you to let you disappear another time. I'm not letting you go. I haven't fought for you enough, not when you walked out, not with David, but I'm not going to sit around and watch you leave again, not without a fight."

* * *

_"And I know sometimes we argue and bicker, but I always come back to you. Quinn, all I know is that I will love you no matter what happens."_

_

* * *

_

In the darkness of the dance studio, tucked away in the corner and listening to the cold rain, Brittany lifted her head. All she wanted was to disappear from the world altogether but here was this woman, saying all the right things to stop her from doing so. She sniffed and listened to Santana's desperate plea.

"I love you Brittany. And I would do anything to have you love me back." Brittany put her head in her knees again and let out the breath she'd been holding since Santana pounded on the door. She hurt, that was for sure, but hearing Santana's words, seeing that she wasn't going anywhere even though it was pouring, Brittany's heart turned with the jumble of emotions coursing through her body. She stood up and walked over to the door and pulled the blinds up. Santana got to her feet and pressed her hand against the glass.

"Brittany, say something." Santana begged. Brittany opened her mouth but her voice cracked. She closed it again. They'd both done harm in different ways. Santana had kept secrets from her and she had unintentionally hurt Santana. And she knew she loved Santana enough to feel like she couldn't live with herself after that. Would Santana always think to herself, _my wife cheated on me? _Or worse, _my wife picked someone else the second time around._

"B?" Brittany breathed against the glass, fogging it up. She wrote words in the white mist.

_"I hurt you."_ Santana read the words.

"How?" She demanded.

_"David."_

"Oh God, Brittany! That wasn't your fault! I should be the one apologizing, I lied to you." Santana sighed. Brittany bit her lip. Santana banged her head against the glass. "I was the one who was stupid, I'm the one to blame. If I had been straight forward with you, none of that would've happened. It's my fault!" Brittany looked into Santana's eyes. She saw the truth there. Even if Santana said that it wasn't her fault, she still knew how much it hurt Santana to imagine her in the arms of someone else. She would never be able to forget the look on Santana's face the day after; the way her eyebrows knit together, the tears on her cheeks, the heartbreak shining in those soft brown eyes. And then Brittany realized why she was so scared of accepting Santana's apology. Accepting Santana's apology meant that they would be together again. But what if she did something else to hurt Santana and she didn't have a clue? What if she kept doing things like that because she didn't remember a thing? She wouldn't be able to take seeing that expression on Santana's face one more time. She blew on the glass again.

_"I'm afraid of hurting you more because I don't remember." _Santana placed her hand on the fading words.

"I don't care, B. I don't care that you don't remember anything. I fell in love with you all over again. Our relationship now isn't based on what we had. It's based on what we _have_, don't you see that? I love who you are now." Brittany's eyes watered and her heart yearned to be with Santana. Santana searched Brittany's face.

"B, I will always love you. And I won't hurt you. I don't care if you hurt me, I just need to be with you."

* * *

Jeff discarded the sheet of paper and got down on one knee. He reached into his pocket and presented a box to Quinn. By now she had her hand over her mouth, trying to surpress an overjoyed smile. Tears filled her eyes when she figured out exactly what he was going to do. In the dim light of the apartment, with the rain and the lightening in the background, Jeff pulled the top of the box back.

"Quinn Fabray, I want to be with you from now until forever. Will you please marry me?" Quinn clasped her hands over his.

"Yes." She whispered. "Of course."

* * *

In the soaking wet weather, Santana shivered uncontrollably. It was freezing and she stood separated by a door from the one person she loved most. If she could've broken down the door, she would've. She would've kissed Brittany as hard and passionately as she could. She would've whispered a thousand "I'm sorry's" and a million "I love you's" but instead, she stood, waiting for Brittany to make her choice. If their relationship was too broken to repair, if their love wasn't meant to last as she hoped it would, at least this time she chased after Brittany.

Brittany stared deeply into the hopeful, awaiting eyes of the woman in front of her. She thought of the roller coaster of events that led up to this. She remembered the first time they connected, with Brittany dancing in the snow and Santana watching forlornly. From there it was the kiss, to the confession, to Brittany running around town trying to locate her and finding her and finally, this moment. Her eyes focused on Santana's left hand where she now wore their wedding band. It was a symbol of commitment, of everlasting love. Brittany knew that she'd never be the wife to match that ring. She knew they'd never get back whatever that ring symbolized.

But maybe they didn't need to. They'd fallen in love again despite all odds. More than anything, Brittany couldn't see herself leaving Santana. They'd both done things that they weren't proud of. They were both hurt and broken but they needed each other to heal. Everything was back in order, Brittany knew the truth and Santana had Brittany's heart. Where they were walking on different paths before, the paths now merged and they could stand a little pain for that.

Brittany blew on the glass one more time and Santana held her breath. In one long stroke, Brittany drew a heart on the fogged door. When Santana saw it, she started laughing. Tears of relief and what seemed like years of stress melted away and Brittany broke into a teary smile. The rain wasn't so cold anymore and the world wasn't so dark. Santana's entire body felt light and her mind was as clear as day. She breathed on the glass as well and drew a heart to match Brittany's.


	16. To That Bright Future

**Author's note: This is it. This is the final chapter of Memories of Yesterday. I really hope you enjoyed reading it. **

Santana was amused. Quinn was pacing back and forth in her room, waiting for when someone would come in and lead her towards her future. Her nervousness showed plainly on her face as she sat down, stood up immediately and repeated the same action several times within the course of 5 minutes. Santana leaned back, her turquoise satin dress shimmering in the chandelier's light.

"You know, grip that bouquet any harder and it's going to die before you get a chance to throw it." Santana remarked.

"Shut up, Lopez." Quinn snapped but she loosened her grip on the flowers. Santana cocked an eyebrow. She distinctly remembered a similar, though reversed situation.

"You know, a certain someone was making fun of me for being terrified on my wedding day a couple of years ago." Santana remarked. Quinn shot her the dirtiest glare she'd ever given anyone and Santana merely smirked triumphantly. It felt so good getting Quinn back, not that she'd had any doubt that Quinn was going to be just as nervous as she was when she married Brittany. She knew Quinn's personality. She knew the thought of being committed was terrifying. To be honest, she didn't blame the woman. After what Puck did to her, after Sam's crazy proposal in the middle of high school, not to mention all the sleezebags she dated in college, it wasn't hard to imagine that she had commitment issues.

Quinn heaved a sigh and sat back down again. Santana walked over and put an arm around her comfortingly. She squeezed her shoulders and smiled.

"Hey, it's going to be ok." She reassured.

"I know. I'm just trying to block out the thought that he'll run away with some crazy tattooed woman like my father did." Quinn replied.

"He won't. If he does, I'll be sure to do the job right and castrate him good and proper, ok?" Santana said. Quinn offered a faint smile.

"So how are you and Brittany?" She asked. Santana let out a small breath.

"We're good. Not great, but we're getting there."

"I haven't seen you two in a while, what with all the planning for this wedding." Quinn said with an apologetic tone. Santana grinned.

"Don't worry about it, Fabray, oops, excuse me, soon to be Highland." Santana teased. At hearing her new last name, Quinn blanched and leaned back. Santana rushed to comfort her. "Hey, you can come over to our place any time you need a break, ok? Just let us know so that you're not walking in on us when we're doing it on the counter." Quinn burst into laughter and then restrained herself. She turned a bright red.

"Oh my God, Santana, that happened once! How was I supposed to know that you two were going to go at it so quickly?" Santana's eyes softened at the memory.

It had been months since that night. After the confrontation at the dance studio, Brittany had opened the door and Santana couldn't restrain herself any more. She grabbed Brittany on either side of her face and kissed her. Brittany seized her hands and kissed her back, pulling each other so close as if trying to make up for all the time that they had been apart.

"I love you." Santana said over and over, kissing her after each one.

"I love you too." Brittany said. Both of them were giggling, nervous and in tears of relief. The storm raged on overhead and Brittany got just as wet as Santana in a matter of seconds. But neither one of them cared. They kept kissing each other and whispering, "It's going to be ok" and "I know."

They made their way back to the apartment, holding hands the entire way there. Santana couldn't remember anything feeling so good, with Brittany's fingers intertwined with hers. When they got back to the apartment, they stood in the kitchen for a very long time even though their clothes were dripping onto the floor. Santana was the one who broke the silence.

"We should change...huh?" She asked.

"Yeah." Brittany replied.

Almost as if they both had the same thought, they simultaneously reached for each other, hands touching everywhere, mouths melded together. Santana pushed Brittany onto the kitchen counter, all but ripping off her shirt. Brittany's eyes glimmered through her half lidded eyes as she gazed down at the brunette. Santana noted several red marks on Brittany's pale skin and for a moment, anger welled up inside her knowing those marks came from David.

David...who had touched her wife. David, who had slept with Brittany.

But Santana pushed that thought to the back of her mind. If she didn't try to ignore it, if she didn't move past it, she was only confirming Brittany's belief that she'd be forever haunted by what Brittany had done with him. But Brittany sensed Santana's hesitance and quickly grabbed her shirt, covering up.

"No." Santana whispered. "No, I'm ok."

"You're not ok." Brittany replied. Santana cupped her face and stared into her eyes.

"Ok, maybe I'm not. But I will be now that I have you." She grabbed Brittany's shirt and discarded it on the floor, kissing a trail along her neck.

"Promise?" Brittany asked quietly.

"Yes." Santana murmured against her skin. Brittany helped Santana out of her shirt and it was like they were in high school all over again, blushing like adolescents doing it for the first time. Brittany's eyes kept glancing over Santana's body and a shy, scared smile crept to her ears. She'd seen it before, when she undressed Santana to put on her sleepwear but in this situation, it took on a whole new perspective. Meanwhile Santana took in what she had been missing for so long.

"You're beautiful, you know that?" Santana whispered. To hide her own embarrassment, Brittany quickly pulled Santana in for another kiss.

It was really their first time all over again. Brittany had no idea what to do and Santana, even though she had experience, wasn't sure if it was still the same. They fumbled around, mumbling more "sorry's" than "I love you's". But the intimacy was there. It wasn't desperate, like it had been with David, but it did seem like a long awaited thing, this time, on both their parts. Rather than rush through it, Santana took it slow, pausing every now and again to check to see if Brittany was ok. And Brittany was, she was more ok than she'd ever been since waking up in the hospital with no recollection of how she'd gotten there.

Even though there was a hint of sadness in both of their eyes, a reminder that despite this, they needed a lot of work to get through everything, there was also an unspoken amount of undying love there too. Brittany took the initiative to try and voice her feelings.

"I love you." Brittany gasped against Santana's lips and Santana echoed the words, her eyes locked on Brittany's.

The morning came and Brittany found herself wrapped in Santana's arms, naked and lying on the couch.

"SANTANA!" The door burst open and Quinn rushed in. The two of them, without even a blanket to cover themselves, sat up. All three of them turned almost a purplish red. Brittany got up and ran into the bedroom while Santana grabbed a few pillows and hid herself.

"Knocking, Fabray, helps avoid situations like this." She said angrily. Quinn turned around.

"Locking your door, Lopez, would also help." She retorted.

"What do you want?" Santana demanded.

"Nevermind, clothe yourself and we'll talk."

What Quinn wanted was to reveal her engagement and ask Santana if she would be her maid of honor. Santana found that out after she'd slipped into sleepwear, kissed Brittany on the cheek and assured her that they would talk later.

Santana walked back into the living room, the wedding photos were still scattered everywhere, serving to reaffirm that there was still a lot of healing to do and a lot of trust that needed to be regained on both their parts. Santana regarded the previous night as a bittersweet conclusion to the lie she'd perpetuated.

"So you told her?" Quinn asked.

"It's a long story." Santana said, not really in the mood to rehash something so recent that it still hurt a little thinking about the look in Brittany's eyes when she got home. "So, you're engaged." Quinn showed off her ring and smiled.

"Yeah, he did it last night."

"That's a long drive. What if you rejected him?" Santana commented. The tone in her voice was still tired and Quinn couldn't tell if it was physically or emotionally.

"You alright there?" The blond woman asked. Santana caught a glimpse of their marriage certificate, sitting on the floor under the coffee table. She smiled at it.

"Yeah, I will be."

Santana returned from work that day and sat down with Brittany, pouring out Brittany's entire history, recalling everything that she could. After a few hours of her rehashing their past, how they met, their first kiss, the boys and girls they'd both dated, Brittany nodded, signalling that she needed time to process all of it. Santana stopped and watched her with a concerned expression as Brittany took it all in.

"You ok?" She asked. Brittany reached over and squeezed Santana's hand. She offered a small smile in return.

"I still love you." She answered. "But let's go to bed. I'm kinda tired." Hands still clasped in each other's, they went into the bedroom. Santana made a move to get in but Brittany stopped her.

"You're still clothed." She noted. Santana looked down at her sleepwear.

"Yeah?" She said. Brittany wordlessly bent down removed Santana's nightgown. Santana's eyes widened a little, her entire body tensing. "Wha..."

"Now that I've seen all of you and felt all of you, I can't go back." Brittany said. The words made Santana's heart leap. They curled together and fell asleep, warm skin touching warm skin. Much of their life was still imperfect, with Brittany's imperfect memory and Santana's imperfect personality. But they'd been both stripped bare, physically and emotionally, and there was only going forward from there.

It was the following day also, that David announced it was no longer going to be teaching at the dance studio. He handed over the keys and the rights to Brittany, saying that he was going to pursue his love of dancing in the outside world. Both Brittany and Santana knew the real reason that he was leaving. He couldn't take being around what he couldn't have. Santana couldn't say she was sorry to see him go, after what he had did, taking advantage of Brittany, exposing the marriage, etc. She said directly to his face,

"I'm glad you're leaving you son of a..."

"I'm sorry." He cut her off. "What I did was wrong. And I'm sorry. But I really, really loved her."

"I don't care you bastard." She snapped, only to be shut up by Brittany who grabbed Santana's shoulders. The blond regarded the wounded man with a sad expression.

"Good luck." She said simply. David smiled sadly and opened his arms for a hug. Brittany shook her head and David dropped his arms and nodded. He didn't expect Brittany to forgive him. The fact that she even spoke to him was a sign of how kind she was. Then he remembered something troubling.

"When we...when..." He glanced at Santana whose jaw tightened. "When we were together...I never used any protection. Are you...?" Brittany blinked, then shook he head.

"No. As soon as I got back, Santana had me start up the birth control I had." David hung his head in shame. He didn't mean to forget but he knew that subconsciously, he must've reasoned that if Brittany had gotten pregnant, there was no way she was going to leave him. It disgusted him a little, now that his head was a little clearer, that he was willing to go that far to make Brittany his.

"Oh." He replied. Santana showed an inhuman amount of restraint. "Well, it figures." He let out a breath that could've been mistaken for a broken laugh. "Santana's always protecting you." He then walked out the door and the next time either of them saw him, it was as a back up dancer. He looked happy enough.

* * *

"Earth to Santana." Quinn waved her hand in front of Santana's face, bringing her back to the present. Santana shook her head though the memory still lingered. "What are you off in space about? Ew...don't tell me..."

"Just thinking about all that we've been through." Santana replied. Quinn's expression softened and she grasped Santana's hand with her gloved one.

"Everything turned out pretty ok, right?" She asked. Santana nodded.

"Yeah. It did." The door opened and Quinn's mother walked in.

"It's time, sweetie." She said calmly. Quinn stood up in a flash and Santana followed suit. The three of them walked out, the music having started already. Santana walked down the aisle first. From the crowd, familiar and unfamiliar faces looked up at her. She saw Glee club members, those that weren't groomsmen or bridesmaids smile.

It had been an extensive process explaining to them what had happened to Brittany. Many took it initially as a joke but when they met her again for the rehearsal dinner, it became apparent that it was not a joke. Somberly, each of her old friends reintroduced themselves, usually asking the question, "is it permanent?" to which Santana had no answer. And when they got together and reminisced about the old times, even if it didn't show on Brittany's face, Santana could tell that it pained her not to remember the same things that they did.

But Santana was there for her, and that was the important thing. And she looked up at the line of bridesmaids already standing at the front and saw Brittany smiling at her. She mouthed the words,

"You're pretty" and Santana blushed, mouthing a quick,

"You too" before taking her place beside her. As Quinn walked down the aisle, holding her mom's arm, Santana took Brittany's hand in hers. From across the small stretch of carpet, Kurt looked down at their linked hands and winked approvingly at them, causing the two to break into a satisfied grin.

"I love you." Brittany whispered into Santana's ear. In response, Santana squeezed her hand firmly as Quinn took the arm of her groom and the two proceeded to the altar.

The reception was held on a beach with the warm fall sun illuminating the sand. The Glee members sang, everyone danced and it was a beautiful moment for all. When Quinn turned her back to the bridesmaids and tossed the bouquet, it seemed predestined to fall into Brittany's arms. When her hands securely held the flowers, everyone clapped and she glanced at Santana shyly.

The two danced together for a couple of songs but mostly opted to sit along the water's edge. Brittany rested her head against Santana's shoulder and the two reflected quietly.

"This was fun. I liked getting to meet everyone again." Brittany remarked. Santana put her arms around her.

"I'm glad."

"Not sure I particularly like Puckerman though." She commented. Santana snorted.

"Probably because we dated." She replied.

"I guess." Brittany leaned over and kissed Santana's cheek. They sat in silence, looking over the rolling waves while the band played behind them. It was a clear day and they could see for miles to the horizon.

"You were what brought me back, you know." Santana said. Brittany lifted her head to look at her.

"What do you mean?"

"That night..." Santana didn't even have to specify which night, Brittany instantly knew. "I thought about giving up. I thought I'd hurt you too much and you deserved better. The wedding video was still rolling and...and you'd taped something after the reception. It was the first day of our honeymoon and you taped this speech to me."

"What did I say?" Brittany asked.

"Just that you loved me." Santana said with a shrug. "And that...you didn't have a favorite memory of me. You were more excited about the future than the past." Brittany rested her head down again and smiled. The wind blew through their hair and Santana reached up to comb it down.

"I was right, you know." Brittany remarked. "I am more excited about the future with you."

"Brittany! Santana! It's time for more photos!" Mercedes called out to them. The two stood up, dusting their dresses off.

"Coming!" Santana shouted back and looked at Brittany. The blond was staring towards the ground though not at it. She was lost in her thoughts and her eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"What's wrong?" She asked. Brittany looked up at Santana and blinked several times.

"Hey." She said. "Do you remember when Tina dumped that cup of punch on Artie's lap when he was flirting with a bridesmaid?" Brittany asked. Santana smiled at the memory.

"He deserved it." She remarked before stopping dead. She thought back to the wedding tape. That moment hadn't been caught at all and Santana had only remembered it now. It was such a small moment, a hilarious one, but otherwise forgettable.

And Brittany had recalled it.

Santana looked at Brittany with wide eyes and the blond stared back, a small but scared smile forming on her lips.

The Glee members were singing an old favorite of theirs in the distance. The wind carried the notes down the coast. The sun glinted off of the water, sparkling like a thousand pin pricks of light. People danced and laughed and took pictures to commemorate the reception.

It was just another fall day.

_Fin._


End file.
